Angsty
Last night was horrible pretty much.
Car after car, clean up/closing was hell, and that consistent beeping in my ear... it made me so damn irritable. To make it even worse, I came home, and the room was a disaster still.
Why, oh why, does some part of me still believe the room will be magically cleaned?
Long story short. I threw a hissy fit, cleaned the room with what I could do ( Ryan didn't permit me to touch the computer boxes.), and took a shower.
I came back down feeling a little better, and slightly happier when I noticed that he finally put away the boxes himself.
Of course, tonight. Same thing, only worse.
Closing was awful once more.
I was expected to get out 11:30 and ended up at 11:45... along with the nice wait for Dave to come pick me up. (Jesus how I want to learn how to drive, but I know I'm just damned well smitten with bad-luck... I'd crash my car within 2 months.)
During the whole time I did dishes, a gushing waterfall from the broken pipe above me was pouring down on me. Oh yeah, fun, real fun. Ryan is going to enjoy taking over the closes.
Came home. Rooms a mess again, and I wasn't even home the entire day.
At least now I don't feel so bad about it though... now I know that the mess isn't always completely my fault, and I don't have to feel so obligated to clean.
But then again, whether or not it's my mess, haven't I always felt obligated to pick up after people? It's been that way for so long already... I almost don't have the desire to change it.
So much stress is on me right now, you've got no idea J-book.
I have to vist purdue tommorow to check up on how much my pel grant is (probably a week amount), Get B.C., Get that damned 35,000 loan from that letter I recieved--or at least get more information on it, have to get new clothes for Joanns (This I don't mind to much, I'm beginning to find shopping by myself as a good stress reliever.), Have to buy a scooter, my teeth hurt pretty bad now and I really need to see a dentist...
I just don't have a dentist or health insurance to cover my cavities.
Joanns has a plan for 17.50 bi-weekly that includes dental, eye, and hosp crap... but, would it really be worth the trouble? Would I have to pay that much for insurance?
Jesus... such a headache I have right now, I'm trying to get more bits and pieces of my life together, but I'm just caught in a wild goose chase with finding them--hell, with most, I don't even know where to begin searching.
As nick once put it: "Help me, I'm young and inexperienced."
But who's there to help when no one has done anything you want to do?
I don't specifically enjoy doing trial and error, that bullshit gets me no where and I tend to be a perfectionist when it comes to stuff I want done.
I feel like talking to my dad, asking him for guidance and in what to do... but I'd be so embaressed...
I want to handle all of this on my own, I don't want to accept the fact that I need someone to look up to, but I need one, I do want one...
Car after car, clean up/closing was hell, and that consistent beeping in my ear... it made me so damn irritable. To make it even worse, I came home, and the room was a disaster still.
Why, oh why, does some part of me still believe the room will be magically cleaned?
Long story short. I threw a hissy fit, cleaned the room with what I could do ( Ryan didn't permit me to touch the computer boxes.), and took a shower.
I came back down feeling a little better, and slightly happier when I noticed that he finally put away the boxes himself.
Of course, tonight. Same thing, only worse.
Closing was awful once more.
I was expected to get out 11:30 and ended up at 11:45... along with the nice wait for Dave to come pick me up. (Jesus how I want to learn how to drive, but I know I'm just damned well smitten with bad-luck... I'd crash my car within 2 months.)
During the whole time I did dishes, a gushing waterfall from the broken pipe above me was pouring down on me. Oh yeah, fun, real fun. Ryan is going to enjoy taking over the closes.
Came home. Rooms a mess again, and I wasn't even home the entire day.
At least now I don't feel so bad about it though... now I know that the mess isn't always completely my fault, and I don't have to feel so obligated to clean.
But then again, whether or not it's my mess, haven't I always felt obligated to pick up after people? It's been that way for so long already... I almost don't have the desire to change it.
So much stress is on me right now, you've got no idea J-book.
I have to vist purdue tommorow to check up on how much my pel grant is (probably a week amount), Get B.C., Get that damned 35,000 loan from that letter I recieved--or at least get more information on it, have to get new clothes for Joanns (This I don't mind to much, I'm beginning to find shopping by myself as a good stress reliever.), Have to buy a scooter, my teeth hurt pretty bad now and I really need to see a dentist...
I just don't have a dentist or health insurance to cover my cavities.
Joanns has a plan for 17.50 bi-weekly that includes dental, eye, and hosp crap... but, would it really be worth the trouble? Would I have to pay that much for insurance?
Jesus... such a headache I have right now, I'm trying to get more bits and pieces of my life together, but I'm just caught in a wild goose chase with finding them--hell, with most, I don't even know where to begin searching.
As nick once put it: "Help me, I'm young and inexperienced."
But who's there to help when no one has done anything you want to do?
I don't specifically enjoy doing trial and error, that bullshit gets me no where and I tend to be a perfectionist when it comes to stuff I want done.
I feel like talking to my dad, asking him for guidance and in what to do... but I'd be so embaressed...
I want to handle all of this on my own, I don't want to accept the fact that I need someone to look up to, but I need one, I do want one...