eh.......

[_short_flip]

so i thought that everything was starting to turn around, i thought that i finally found happiness again and that everything was turning out to b better. wat the hell. everytime i fine one ounce of happiness, everything goes back down the drain. family is pissing me off, i thought that they could make me happy anytime they wanted, but all they do i piss me off more and make my life even worse. its funny to think that just 2 days ago i was gunna update this and tell u guyz how happy i am, but that alwayz changes. i was gunna tell u all the great things that happened, but now theres nothing. im never noticed and when i am, im ignored (yea doesnt make sense) everyone seems so happy and they seem like their christmas is gunna b the best. i really dont want to start my new year off like this, but this is the only feeling i have. i never feel happiness and i dont c nething that will make me happy. no one understands and they dont even seem like they want to even try to listen to me or understand me. even my ninang, i can tell her nething and then she goes on about so random shit that i dont even care about. all she does is shrink me and talk to me like im one of her mental students....maybe thats it...maybe im mental, maybe thats y so many people hate me, or maybe so many people think im weird. no one takes the time to listen to me. im never listened to. its not like neone cares nemore, i dont think they ever did. people alwayz say that they love me, but it doesnt seem like they mean the words that they say. people alwayz say that its gunna be better, but it never does. i try to stay open minded and try to change stupid and selfish self, but i still dont. i look at pictures from my birthday and i look so happy..but its funny to think that half of the time i was pissed off at people...i look at this picture with me n this other person..and i c that we look happy together....but i kno deep down that NOTHING is ever gunna happen between me n this person...ive known him soo long and i just wished that we can b a lil closer than how we are. i just catch myself looking at this pic over and over again...hoping that the next day ill b noticed by him...i get yelled at for really stupid reasons because no one EVER listens watever....thats my shitty life......dont u notice that all i do in this thing is talk about how much my life sux.....not like neone ever reads this...watever

do u ever tell people that u dont wanna talk....but really u do...and it pisses u off when they just drop it....dont u just wish that theyd just ask one more time to ask wats wrong..so that u break down and tell them....

merry christmas and happy new year to those who r actually enjoying this thing that i call life....cuz i kno im not :\

its hard to pull off being happy when all u feel is pain