It's nights like these that I wish I were with you.
Summer is coming to an end and I can honestly say that I'm not ready for that. I only have eleven more days of home. I won't be able to have the feeling of comfort. No more just walking into my sisters room and talking. No more home cooked meals and family dinners. No more of coming into my room. No more of my house. It will all be gone. Maybe it's so hard since I've never moved in my entire life. I'm not a big fan of change. Summer went by all to fast. Faster than I would have ever wanted it. And when I think about what I got out this summer I don't even know. I met new people. I got closer to my sister than I ever have. I probably went on my last family vacation. I tried to let new people in my life. But somehow it all seems like a blur.
Now that college is getting closer I think I am on the verge of losing it. Emotionally I think. I think it is even resulting in my dreams. Who dreams that there eleven year old sister was just born in some psycho hospital and that their ex-boyfriend tried to kill them? I woke up both times like not even knowing what to think. I got in a fight with my mom last night. I made her fight with my dad and I absolutely hate when that happens. She didn't even talk to me today. And it's even worse it had to happen now of all times.
I think I have been telling myself that I have been happy all summer. I don't think I really am though. Being around people I love and doing things I love really does make me happy. But on some days I know I forced myself to be happy because I wanted people to think I was. I sometimes wish I could just get out every emotion I know that's hiding in me out. However that isn't possible because I've only ever done that with one person. One I don't think I can really talk to anymore and one that I wish I could see just one more time.
I don't want to pack my entire life away in a boxes in the up coming weeks. I want to confide all my feelings in one person and not spread them out. I want to be able to keep my life together and not have it fall apart every other week. There are just so many things.
Now that college is getting closer I think I am on the verge of losing it. Emotionally I think. I think it is even resulting in my dreams. Who dreams that there eleven year old sister was just born in some psycho hospital and that their ex-boyfriend tried to kill them? I woke up both times like not even knowing what to think. I got in a fight with my mom last night. I made her fight with my dad and I absolutely hate when that happens. She didn't even talk to me today. And it's even worse it had to happen now of all times.
I think I have been telling myself that I have been happy all summer. I don't think I really am though. Being around people I love and doing things I love really does make me happy. But on some days I know I forced myself to be happy because I wanted people to think I was. I sometimes wish I could just get out every emotion I know that's hiding in me out. However that isn't possible because I've only ever done that with one person. One I don't think I can really talk to anymore and one that I wish I could see just one more time.
I don't want to pack my entire life away in a boxes in the up coming weeks. I want to confide all my feelings in one person and not spread them out. I want to be able to keep my life together and not have it fall apart every other week. There are just so many things.