wish that i had movement or some fight, some fight left in me...
rehearsal yesterday was eh...if french didn't keep ditching me for other girls, lol...it's ok. i have my ways of revenge...bwahaha. plus, we really need to be a LOT MORE offbook. peroldo was pissed as hell, i could tell. lol, that rhymed. we just had absolutely NO energy at all. and martinez was such a douche. luis wanted me to burp (just one of my amazingly attractive talents) and i did and martinez came running from his little nightwatch of the school to come chastise us for whoever (me) was being a pig, lol. and he wouldn't let it go for like 5 minutes and would not shut up.
monday night i got what just might be officially the pimpest digital camera EVER! my dad took me shopping for it at best buy as my birthday present and i saw it and fell madly in love with it. so, we got it and then we got the highest memory for it so i can hold like 180 pictures on it or something like that, so be expecting many many many more pics posted on that fotki site. i'm so frickin excited! oh, the possibilities...
the administration of amhs never fails to amaze me with their extreme retardation. we had mass today and a couple people did some stupid stuff (75% was underclassmen anyway, but that's beside the point i guess since "where the seniors go, so does the rest of the school" apparently) which was not even that bad anyway and dean greene and every1 just flipped out on us and made all the seniors stay and get brutally bitched at for like 20 minutes..but hey, at least we didn't have to go back to class. MISS valdez was utterly ridiculous though, "i almost burst into tears when you did what you did today"...oh please. i wonder if she knows all the students hate her. jeremy's comment was the best though. hot hot mr. brown was teaching us how to do the super-cool hand motions to "lord, i lift your name on high" and he was holding the mic, so he goes, "sorry, i only have one hand" and jeremy (this kid i've known since like 3rd grade who was born with only half an arm on one side) yells out "ME TOO!" but it was before mass and every1 was talking and every1 laughed, so i'm so disappointed that dean could laugh about it and then turn around and yell at us for it right after. whatever, the administration was just dumb today and i really thought they were a lot cooler than that.
so, tomorrow's my birthday...still not excited. i got a package from my mom today and i was gonna open it, but i wanna do everything i can to make myself more excited about tomorrow, so i'm saving it for tomorrow morning. last night, i had the longest talk with my mom about stuff. i was on the phone with french and started listening to a cd i had made for my mom before she left and i got severely depressed and i ended up calling her at like 11 and was crying and all that ish. i guess i feel better about some of the stuff i was feeling. it's just so hard that this is going to be the first birthday i'm not going to get to spend with her. she came down and surprised me last year, so this is the first one. and i'm probably not going up there till like christmas, so i'm just so lost, i guess you could say. whatever, i'll live. could be worse.
alrite, i'm gonna go...
french, i love you!
claudia, el mismo!
phil, i'm sorry you're sad, remember...just chill! everything's gonna be alrite, i swear.
--and a final goodbye to the age that brought me the worst days and best days of my entire life and taught me more than i ever thought i needed to learn. i've gained a best friend who's given me so much hope and strength and french coolness, and a whole bunch of other friends who are mega awesome. i've gotten closer with my family and let them in a little more, but i've also showed them a darker and much more screwed up side of me. and i've lost a guy who made me believe i was worthless and who i let treat me worse than anyone EVER will again, but i was strong enough to cut him off...so all in all, 16 was awesome, i never would've guessed i'd be where i am now and would've experienced all this, but it was worth it cuz i'm gonna be a much smarter 17-yr-old. 16, i salute you, and bid you adieu...
*we're not 21, but the sooner we are, the sooner the fun will begin. so get out your fake eyelashes and fake ideals and real disasters ensue. it's cool to take these chances, it's cool to fake romances, and grow up fast and grow up fast and GROW UP FAST*