(no subject)
Last Week
He stared at the ceiling. The events of last week, still fresh, played like a film in his mind. It was hard to believe it was only a week ago. Tomorrow he’d go back to school. Could he pretend like nothing happened? He could have a class with him. Was it going to be awkward? Worst question was, was he going to tell anybody?
It was probably nothing, Joey thought to himself. It wasn’t anything serious. It had only been one night, one time. Here in this room he was now laying in. So what if Gavin had come on to him? It was only a kiss. He was still comfortable in his own sexuality.
Thing is, he wasn’t. He had kind of… liked it. And now he was starting to question himself. The answer became more and more clear, but Joey wouldn’t let himself accept it. If anyone found out about any of this-the kiss, his questioning-what would become of him? Joey pondered this as he gathered his new notebooks into his backpack.
It was his senior year now. This was his year. He toyed with the questions that devoured his mind the whole week-Would Casey break up with him? Of course she would. Would he be kicked off the swimming team? Probably. What would everybody think? He didn’t even want to think about it.
Everybody already knew Gavin was gay. Everyone had known in sophomore year, two years ago. They also knew he and Gavin were good friends, best friends in fact. Gavin was Joey’s next door neighbor. They grew up together. When Gavin had finally come out, Joey was the first one he told. It didn’t even come as such a shock.
He had thought this way before Gavin kissed him last Wednesday. That’s what troubled him-this wasn’t a new feeling. This kind of just… brought it out even more. Especially when that new kid Vincent first came into school during freshman year, Joey had thought about the prospect of being gay. Joey had pushed it out of his mind, though, and so the relationship with Casey ensued.
Casey… Joey was worried about Casey. He hadn’t talked to her since Wednesday; she left early from his party and went to the beach for the last week of summer vacation. He loved her, of course, but over the summer they hadn’t spent that much time together. When they did, he felt that that part of him that really loved her was dead, and it wasn’t that type of love you’d expect. It was more of a friendly sort.
He decided to not think about it anymore and go to sleep, though that certainly didn’t come easy.
Shrugging off his mother and father in the morning, Joey headed to school basically without a word. His parents looked tired, maybe because they stayed up waiting for him to go to sleep, which finally happened at two o’clock in the morning. Joey drove to the high school of his small town while listening to his favorite song, and headed to his locker he used for the past three years.
He hoped he wouldn’t see Gavin yet. But then again, the only person he wanted to talk to was Gavin. Not Casey, not his swimming friends, not anyone else… just Gavin. Joey’s mind was instantly made up when he saw Gavin opening his locker down the hall from him. Gavin didn’t see him.
“Surprise!” Someone gave Joey a hug from behind.
Joey spun around. It was Casey. She had a tan from the week at the beach, but otherwise she looked just as Joey had remembered her. And she still had that large, welcoming smile. She looked so happy to see him that it made Joey feel even worse, because he wasn’t that interested in seeing her.
“Hi!” Joey hugged her back. “I missed you. How was the beach?”
“Oh, it was pretty fun, I guess. We only have a minute… I’ll meet you during lunch? I have to tell you something.”
“Yeah, sure,” Joey gave her a kiss, and with that, they went off their separate ways to class.
First period was a free period. After that was history class. I don’t even have to be here right now, Joey thought. He thought of going to the gym, or going outside. Then he decided to go to the library and check his e-mail, he hadn’t been on the computer in a few days.
As he entered the small library, he realized he wasn’t the only one that had a free period first class. Gavin was there, too, typing on one of the computers. Joey wasn’t going to leave, and because he was feeling brave, went to the computers and sat down next to Gavin.
He didn’t look up.
“Hey,” Joey offered. He logged into the computer.
Gavin smiled and looked at Joey. “You’re talking to me? Listen, I’m really sorry…”
Joey didn’t let him finish his sentence. “No. Really, don’t be sorry. At all.”
“You don’t have to be nice. I know I really shouldn’t have… I’m so sorry. Can we just forget it ever happened?”
Joey paused a second. “No.”
“Oh…”
“I just think I don’t want to forget.”
“What?”
“I don’t want to forget it,” Joey repeated. He said it with a certainty that surprised even him.
Gavin certainly looked surprised. “I don’t get it. What do you mean?”
Joey laughed. “Hah…I don’t even know myself. But I do know that I don’t want to forget it. And I do know that… that I think I’m starting to have feelings for you.”
“Don’t say that,” Gavin said. “Don’t say that to make me feel better. You don’t know what you’re saying.”
“That’s not true!”
“What about Casey?”
“What about her?”
“You guys have only been together for years. What would she think of you saying that to me?” Gavin asked.
“Well, she doesn’t know yet… But, I know, this is what I want. And I think you want it too.” Joey responded, with a bit of uncertainty this time. He wasn’t sure if Gavin wanted to be together, but Joey hoped he would.
Gavin looked down. “Actually… I had called her while she was away to apologize for my behavior. I thought you had told her.”
“Are you serious?!” Joey exclaimed. “That was what she probably wanted to talk to me about during lunch… what did she say?”
“Well, she wasn’t that angry at me. She was more surprised that I actually went for it. She had known for a long time that I had a crush on you.”
“…You had?” Joey was taken aback.
Gavin laughed. “Yeah.”
“I just have to tell Casey now…”
“And your parents.”
“Casey comes first.” The bell rang to go to second period. “I’ll see you about halfway during lunch… I doubt Casey is going to want to sit with me all period.”
“Okay… I’ll meet you there.” Gavin responded.
The rest of the day came and went, and Joey could tell it was going to be a tough year. He had chosen a few AP classes, and had some really difficult teachers. It looked like lunch was going to be his favorite class aside from gym. Well, not today.
He sat down at a table in the lunchroom. Casey wasn’t there yet. Joey wasn’t exactly sure what he was going to say, he really didn’t have time to practice.
In about three minutes, Casey showed up and sat down across from Joey. “Hey,” Joey said.
“Hey. How was class?” Casey asked, taking her backpack off.
“Fine. Yours?”
“Good. Photography seems like a really fun class.”
“That’s cool,” Joey said. “What did you want to tell me?” He leaned forward in his chair to rest his elbows on the table.
Casey leaned forward. “Um… Gavin told me what happened.”
“I know.”
“You know? You talked to him?”
“I talked to him today,” Joey leaned in closer.
“Joey…” Casey said, drawing his name out, “I saw you two in the hallway between second and third period. Is something going on?”
Joey didn’t respond.
“If there is, I want you to tell me.”
Joey leaned back, now very unsure what to say. “Casey…Gavin… and I…”
Casey laughed dis-heartedly. “That’s enough. I kind of figured, anyway. It’s alright, though. I guess I had sort of known for a while.”
“You sort of knew for a while?” Joey questioned.
Casey stood up. “Call it a woman’s intuition. I’ll see you after school.” Then she left.
Joey felt bad about what he had just done… though he really hadn’t done anything. He did feel as if this large weight was lifted off his shoulders. He stood up, picked up his backpack, and starting walking over to Gavin.
He stared at the ceiling. The events of last week, still fresh, played like a film in his mind. It was hard to believe it was only a week ago. Tomorrow he’d go back to school. Could he pretend like nothing happened? He could have a class with him. Was it going to be awkward? Worst question was, was he going to tell anybody?
It was probably nothing, Joey thought to himself. It wasn’t anything serious. It had only been one night, one time. Here in this room he was now laying in. So what if Gavin had come on to him? It was only a kiss. He was still comfortable in his own sexuality.
Thing is, he wasn’t. He had kind of… liked it. And now he was starting to question himself. The answer became more and more clear, but Joey wouldn’t let himself accept it. If anyone found out about any of this-the kiss, his questioning-what would become of him? Joey pondered this as he gathered his new notebooks into his backpack.
It was his senior year now. This was his year. He toyed with the questions that devoured his mind the whole week-Would Casey break up with him? Of course she would. Would he be kicked off the swimming team? Probably. What would everybody think? He didn’t even want to think about it.
Everybody already knew Gavin was gay. Everyone had known in sophomore year, two years ago. They also knew he and Gavin were good friends, best friends in fact. Gavin was Joey’s next door neighbor. They grew up together. When Gavin had finally come out, Joey was the first one he told. It didn’t even come as such a shock.
He had thought this way before Gavin kissed him last Wednesday. That’s what troubled him-this wasn’t a new feeling. This kind of just… brought it out even more. Especially when that new kid Vincent first came into school during freshman year, Joey had thought about the prospect of being gay. Joey had pushed it out of his mind, though, and so the relationship with Casey ensued.
Casey… Joey was worried about Casey. He hadn’t talked to her since Wednesday; she left early from his party and went to the beach for the last week of summer vacation. He loved her, of course, but over the summer they hadn’t spent that much time together. When they did, he felt that that part of him that really loved her was dead, and it wasn’t that type of love you’d expect. It was more of a friendly sort.
He decided to not think about it anymore and go to sleep, though that certainly didn’t come easy.
Shrugging off his mother and father in the morning, Joey headed to school basically without a word. His parents looked tired, maybe because they stayed up waiting for him to go to sleep, which finally happened at two o’clock in the morning. Joey drove to the high school of his small town while listening to his favorite song, and headed to his locker he used for the past three years.
He hoped he wouldn’t see Gavin yet. But then again, the only person he wanted to talk to was Gavin. Not Casey, not his swimming friends, not anyone else… just Gavin. Joey’s mind was instantly made up when he saw Gavin opening his locker down the hall from him. Gavin didn’t see him.
“Surprise!” Someone gave Joey a hug from behind.
Joey spun around. It was Casey. She had a tan from the week at the beach, but otherwise she looked just as Joey had remembered her. And she still had that large, welcoming smile. She looked so happy to see him that it made Joey feel even worse, because he wasn’t that interested in seeing her.
“Hi!” Joey hugged her back. “I missed you. How was the beach?”
“Oh, it was pretty fun, I guess. We only have a minute… I’ll meet you during lunch? I have to tell you something.”
“Yeah, sure,” Joey gave her a kiss, and with that, they went off their separate ways to class.
First period was a free period. After that was history class. I don’t even have to be here right now, Joey thought. He thought of going to the gym, or going outside. Then he decided to go to the library and check his e-mail, he hadn’t been on the computer in a few days.
As he entered the small library, he realized he wasn’t the only one that had a free period first class. Gavin was there, too, typing on one of the computers. Joey wasn’t going to leave, and because he was feeling brave, went to the computers and sat down next to Gavin.
He didn’t look up.
“Hey,” Joey offered. He logged into the computer.
Gavin smiled and looked at Joey. “You’re talking to me? Listen, I’m really sorry…”
Joey didn’t let him finish his sentence. “No. Really, don’t be sorry. At all.”
“You don’t have to be nice. I know I really shouldn’t have… I’m so sorry. Can we just forget it ever happened?”
Joey paused a second. “No.”
“Oh…”
“I just think I don’t want to forget.”
“What?”
“I don’t want to forget it,” Joey repeated. He said it with a certainty that surprised even him.
Gavin certainly looked surprised. “I don’t get it. What do you mean?”
Joey laughed. “Hah…I don’t even know myself. But I do know that I don’t want to forget it. And I do know that… that I think I’m starting to have feelings for you.”
“Don’t say that,” Gavin said. “Don’t say that to make me feel better. You don’t know what you’re saying.”
“That’s not true!”
“What about Casey?”
“What about her?”
“You guys have only been together for years. What would she think of you saying that to me?” Gavin asked.
“Well, she doesn’t know yet… But, I know, this is what I want. And I think you want it too.” Joey responded, with a bit of uncertainty this time. He wasn’t sure if Gavin wanted to be together, but Joey hoped he would.
Gavin looked down. “Actually… I had called her while she was away to apologize for my behavior. I thought you had told her.”
“Are you serious?!” Joey exclaimed. “That was what she probably wanted to talk to me about during lunch… what did she say?”
“Well, she wasn’t that angry at me. She was more surprised that I actually went for it. She had known for a long time that I had a crush on you.”
“…You had?” Joey was taken aback.
Gavin laughed. “Yeah.”
“I just have to tell Casey now…”
“And your parents.”
“Casey comes first.” The bell rang to go to second period. “I’ll see you about halfway during lunch… I doubt Casey is going to want to sit with me all period.”
“Okay… I’ll meet you there.” Gavin responded.
The rest of the day came and went, and Joey could tell it was going to be a tough year. He had chosen a few AP classes, and had some really difficult teachers. It looked like lunch was going to be his favorite class aside from gym. Well, not today.
He sat down at a table in the lunchroom. Casey wasn’t there yet. Joey wasn’t exactly sure what he was going to say, he really didn’t have time to practice.
In about three minutes, Casey showed up and sat down across from Joey. “Hey,” Joey said.
“Hey. How was class?” Casey asked, taking her backpack off.
“Fine. Yours?”
“Good. Photography seems like a really fun class.”
“That’s cool,” Joey said. “What did you want to tell me?” He leaned forward in his chair to rest his elbows on the table.
Casey leaned forward. “Um… Gavin told me what happened.”
“I know.”
“You know? You talked to him?”
“I talked to him today,” Joey leaned in closer.
“Joey…” Casey said, drawing his name out, “I saw you two in the hallway between second and third period. Is something going on?”
Joey didn’t respond.
“If there is, I want you to tell me.”
Joey leaned back, now very unsure what to say. “Casey…Gavin… and I…”
Casey laughed dis-heartedly. “That’s enough. I kind of figured, anyway. It’s alright, though. I guess I had sort of known for a while.”
“You sort of knew for a while?” Joey questioned.
Casey stood up. “Call it a woman’s intuition. I’ll see you after school.” Then she left.
Joey felt bad about what he had just done… though he really hadn’t done anything. He did feel as if this large weight was lifted off his shoulders. He stood up, picked up his backpack, and starting walking over to Gavin.