Genesis 2006 // A Review
Okay, so this entry is going to be me analyzing my progress with my New Years posts, now that it's nearly two months since I made those posts. Let's see what I've managed to do successfully and what I haven't...what still bugs me, and what is no longer an issue. I'm gonna go through everything I posted about and note the progress on each issue. I'll go in order, of course. Here goes.
New Years Post, Section 1
With regards to maturity, not much has changed. I have generally been mature, but I have slipped a few times, there's no question about that. There have already been one or two times when someone did something to spite me (in an immature manner nonetheless), and instead of reacting how I should have, I stooped to the other person's level and did basically the same thing, feeling they deserved a little bit of their own medicine. That is not always the right solution. I know this person screws up big time by acting immature, but that doesn't mean I have to do the same thing. I'm starting to realize (and be satisfied with the fact) that I am the better person for not stooping to the other person's level.
In terms of character flaws, there is good news for a change. I have actually successfully eliminated most of my character flaws I pointed out in my New Years entry. I have not been much of a hypocrite at all (there is only one instance where it could debatably be argued that I was hypocritical, but that instance is complicated and may not be so simple). I have not been a jealous person at all. Also, my whole thing about sugarcoating, I still do what I said I'd do: I don't sugarcoat unless I'd be cruel without doing so.
With work, I have cooled down a bit. I only work Friday through Sunday now, because my workload at school is pretty heavy this semester. I still work 28 hours a week, though, which isn't too bad.
Speaking of school, I haven't had much written work at all so far, but I have been doing well, I think. I'm trying to pay close attention in my classes, and I've been taking more notes than I have since the beginning of high school.
Writing? I haven't gotten to writing any new stories or editing old stories I've written, which is unfortunate, but there's nothing I can do about it since I'm very busy lately and don't have much time to focus on that. I have been messing around with an RPG maker program a very small amount, though, which is sort of related to my writing, but that's about it.
Friends - my friendships have, for the most part, not changed at all, except that they've grown stronger with pretty much everyone (Jen, Caitlin, Callie, Jamie, Jake and others). There's always an exception to the rule, though. In my New Years entry, I said this: "I’m finally realizing what I want in friends and demanding that they live up to my realistic expectations if they want me to be dedicated in the friendship. If you screw up a lot or do/say a lot of immature stuff, I probably don’t talk to you much." This has been tested already (unfortunately) and I had to prove that I meant what I said (after all, if you don't mean what you say, what's the point of saying it?). If you break a promise with me and act like a baby when you're the one who's screwed up, I'm not going to deal with it until you grow up. Capisce? The truth is, I personally have no problem with the person who already blew it. But that person seems to have a problem with me. And until they grow some balls and follow through on their promise to come to me when they have a problem with me, don't expect me to take the first step forward. Remember what I said: Friendships are not one-way streets.
New Years Post, Section 2
This entire section was about Cedar Point. My entry caused quite a stir. Of course I heard about this through one or two people who had the balls to be decent people and actually tell me, but that doesn't make a difference anymore. Some were not thrilled with my entry. Some thought it was stupid of me to continue dwelling on it, five months after the fact. Well, I have news for people who are still convinced that that's what I was doing: it wasn't. I wasn't dwelling on shit. I am over Cedar Point itself. There is no question about that at this point. What I was doing was explaining it for those who have no idea why I was so screwed up at the end of last summer and at the beginning of fall. Also, I was doing it for myself. Writing all of that out helped to truly put it all in perspective for me (and I noticed it put it in perspective for a lot of other people too, because almost everyone involved showed remorse soon after reading the post). It's funny looking back now, though, because someone else has recently switched roles with me, and is handling it leaps and bounds worse than I did. I barely complained before the fact, and I still talked to all my friends and considered them some of my best friends prior to Cedar Point. It seems to be quite the opposite with this other person. Yet this person is not getting half the shit I did. The evil part of me is annoyed at this and thinks this person should be hated eternally by certain people, but I don't let that side of me control how I truly feel. The good part of me, 99% of me, is glad that no one is treating this person nearly as bad as I was treated, because there is no question that I did not deserve it; maybe this person deserves it more than I did, but still does not deserve that kind of evil to be inflicted upon them. But aside from all that, generally, Cedar Point is no longer an issue. The only problems I ever have with it anymore are when people bring it up to spite me, which has happened, and caused me to react the way I described back in 'maturity' in Section 1. Again, I'm trying to learn not to react poorly even if someone brings it back up with a purely malicious intent. I'm working on it. Since this was pretty recent, I can't really say how much progress I've made, but I've been convincing myself to be the better person, so that's suitable progress, at least.
New Years Post, Section 3, Part 1
-I still believe that lists/naming names is bad, unless it is all inclusive. I've seen far too many instances where someone tells me I'm their best friend, or one of their best friends, and I go look at their profile, LJ/Xanga/Myspace/etc. and I see my name nowhere...my picture nowhere...yet, other people's names and pictures are plastered all over the place. Like I said in my New Years post, this does not just apply to me -- there are others who are frequently left out because of people who are obsessed with lists and it's just not fair to them. Also, groups/cliques are also still equally bad, if not worse. It's stupid to STILL flaunt that you're a member of a gang, crew or posse 6 to 12 months after the event happened. Hello? Your group is way outdated -- it is now totally obsolete -- and no one else says it anymore. And it makes other people continue to feel left out, as if those people are the only people important to you. Grow up.
-The whole "bff" thing has cooled down a lot since my entry, which I'm glad about.
-Jealousy is still unfortunately a huge issue for some people. I could name three people right off the bat that still have jealousy issues. What I really want to know is if they even realize that they act insanely jealous sometimes. Is it possible that they're that clueless? No, nobody is trying to steal this person, this person is not fake, who CARES if this person is closer to that person, and no one is trying to exclude you...WE ARE ALL FRIENDS. GROW THE HELL UP ALREADY. I'm getting freakin' sick of hearing stories about people acting jealous. I almost never hear these stories directly, and I think it's because people know that I'll call them on their jealousy. I don't interfere because often these stories do not involve me at all, but please read what I'm saying in this paragraph and take it to heart. If you don't want to be treated like a baby, don't act like one. Acting insanely jealous welcomes being treated like a baby. Don't want it? Don't ask for it.
-Hypocrisy hasn't been a huge issue, fortunately, but there was a stunning instance of it very recently, and that person probably is still convinced that they did no such act of hypocrisy, which is sad.
-I hope nobody forgot this: "If I say 'love ya' or something along those lines, not getting a response hurts sometimes. Can’t spend two seconds to type it out? BS. I don’t care if it should be assumed. It doesn’t take much effort, and not saying it often means something is wrong. Avoid the confusion and just take a second to type it back. I ALWAYS type it back if someone else does, with no exceptions. There have probably been dozens of times where I’ve said it without getting a response. I know this sounds stupid, but it does bug me once in a while."
-Somewhat related to the previous post, I hope no one forgot this one either: "-Giving compliments to your friends is good. Picking and choosing which friends deserve compliments can be a bad thing. I’m referring to saying how awesome someone is in an away message, profile, or any public medium (whether it is in person, group phone calls, or an internet forum). Constantly saying how awesome one person is can often give someone else a sense that he or she may not be doing everything right. If that person is, then you should tell them that once in a while, especially if you’re making such a big deal out of telling someone else. Of course, it’s always better to keep favoritism away from the public eye in general, for the most part, though (there are obviously exceptions, as there are to all rules)."
-Most of the other things in Section 3, Part 1 are no longer big issues.
New Years Post, Section 3, Part 2
-I just realized something: unfortunately, no one responded to my completely reasonable request at the beginning of this section: "I have a request of everyone: whether you choose to publicly post it here or privately IM me doesn’t matter, but I’d like each of you to respond to what I’ve said about you below and do the same back for me. And don’t cop out, either. I want a decent response." So if you don't approach me about this soon, expect me to approach you about it within the next week. Go back and re-read my post.
-5 out of 12 of the friendships I listed have grown notably stronger since my New Years entry.
-6 out of 12 of the friendships I listed have not changed since my New Years entry.
-1 of the 12 of the friendships I listed have declined significantly since my New Years entry.
Lastly, let's go over some of the things I posted at the end of my second New Years post. I wrote this:
My hopes for 2006
-I hope that there is never another August (don't know yet)
-I hope that my friendships only grow, and if some have to fade away, they fade peacefully (so far that's gone well, for the most part)
-I hope Diana’s second CD is better than the first, and is more successful (don't know yet)
-I hope meeting Jen in March and May works out (hasn't happened, but everything is looking good - only 8 more days)
-I hope the mini-road trip in a couple of weeks works out (it ended up getting split into two road trips, and only one worked out, but it was the right one, so that's good)
-I hope that all my closest DT friends and I get together at one point (looks like this is going to be happening in 9 days, for the most part - missing one or two people, but still, it's the closest we're gonna get)
New Years Post, Section 1
With regards to maturity, not much has changed. I have generally been mature, but I have slipped a few times, there's no question about that. There have already been one or two times when someone did something to spite me (in an immature manner nonetheless), and instead of reacting how I should have, I stooped to the other person's level and did basically the same thing, feeling they deserved a little bit of their own medicine. That is not always the right solution. I know this person screws up big time by acting immature, but that doesn't mean I have to do the same thing. I'm starting to realize (and be satisfied with the fact) that I am the better person for not stooping to the other person's level.
In terms of character flaws, there is good news for a change. I have actually successfully eliminated most of my character flaws I pointed out in my New Years entry. I have not been much of a hypocrite at all (there is only one instance where it could debatably be argued that I was hypocritical, but that instance is complicated and may not be so simple). I have not been a jealous person at all. Also, my whole thing about sugarcoating, I still do what I said I'd do: I don't sugarcoat unless I'd be cruel without doing so.
With work, I have cooled down a bit. I only work Friday through Sunday now, because my workload at school is pretty heavy this semester. I still work 28 hours a week, though, which isn't too bad.
Speaking of school, I haven't had much written work at all so far, but I have been doing well, I think. I'm trying to pay close attention in my classes, and I've been taking more notes than I have since the beginning of high school.
Writing? I haven't gotten to writing any new stories or editing old stories I've written, which is unfortunate, but there's nothing I can do about it since I'm very busy lately and don't have much time to focus on that. I have been messing around with an RPG maker program a very small amount, though, which is sort of related to my writing, but that's about it.
Friends - my friendships have, for the most part, not changed at all, except that they've grown stronger with pretty much everyone (Jen, Caitlin, Callie, Jamie, Jake and others). There's always an exception to the rule, though. In my New Years entry, I said this: "I’m finally realizing what I want in friends and demanding that they live up to my realistic expectations if they want me to be dedicated in the friendship. If you screw up a lot or do/say a lot of immature stuff, I probably don’t talk to you much." This has been tested already (unfortunately) and I had to prove that I meant what I said (after all, if you don't mean what you say, what's the point of saying it?). If you break a promise with me and act like a baby when you're the one who's screwed up, I'm not going to deal with it until you grow up. Capisce? The truth is, I personally have no problem with the person who already blew it. But that person seems to have a problem with me. And until they grow some balls and follow through on their promise to come to me when they have a problem with me, don't expect me to take the first step forward. Remember what I said: Friendships are not one-way streets.
New Years Post, Section 2
This entire section was about Cedar Point. My entry caused quite a stir. Of course I heard about this through one or two people who had the balls to be decent people and actually tell me, but that doesn't make a difference anymore. Some were not thrilled with my entry. Some thought it was stupid of me to continue dwelling on it, five months after the fact. Well, I have news for people who are still convinced that that's what I was doing: it wasn't. I wasn't dwelling on shit. I am over Cedar Point itself. There is no question about that at this point. What I was doing was explaining it for those who have no idea why I was so screwed up at the end of last summer and at the beginning of fall. Also, I was doing it for myself. Writing all of that out helped to truly put it all in perspective for me (and I noticed it put it in perspective for a lot of other people too, because almost everyone involved showed remorse soon after reading the post). It's funny looking back now, though, because someone else has recently switched roles with me, and is handling it leaps and bounds worse than I did. I barely complained before the fact, and I still talked to all my friends and considered them some of my best friends prior to Cedar Point. It seems to be quite the opposite with this other person. Yet this person is not getting half the shit I did. The evil part of me is annoyed at this and thinks this person should be hated eternally by certain people, but I don't let that side of me control how I truly feel. The good part of me, 99% of me, is glad that no one is treating this person nearly as bad as I was treated, because there is no question that I did not deserve it; maybe this person deserves it more than I did, but still does not deserve that kind of evil to be inflicted upon them. But aside from all that, generally, Cedar Point is no longer an issue. The only problems I ever have with it anymore are when people bring it up to spite me, which has happened, and caused me to react the way I described back in 'maturity' in Section 1. Again, I'm trying to learn not to react poorly even if someone brings it back up with a purely malicious intent. I'm working on it. Since this was pretty recent, I can't really say how much progress I've made, but I've been convincing myself to be the better person, so that's suitable progress, at least.
New Years Post, Section 3, Part 1
-I still believe that lists/naming names is bad, unless it is all inclusive. I've seen far too many instances where someone tells me I'm their best friend, or one of their best friends, and I go look at their profile, LJ/Xanga/Myspace/etc. and I see my name nowhere...my picture nowhere...yet, other people's names and pictures are plastered all over the place. Like I said in my New Years post, this does not just apply to me -- there are others who are frequently left out because of people who are obsessed with lists and it's just not fair to them. Also, groups/cliques are also still equally bad, if not worse. It's stupid to STILL flaunt that you're a member of a gang, crew or posse 6 to 12 months after the event happened. Hello? Your group is way outdated -- it is now totally obsolete -- and no one else says it anymore. And it makes other people continue to feel left out, as if those people are the only people important to you. Grow up.
-The whole "bff" thing has cooled down a lot since my entry, which I'm glad about.
-Jealousy is still unfortunately a huge issue for some people. I could name three people right off the bat that still have jealousy issues. What I really want to know is if they even realize that they act insanely jealous sometimes. Is it possible that they're that clueless? No, nobody is trying to steal this person, this person is not fake, who CARES if this person is closer to that person, and no one is trying to exclude you...WE ARE ALL FRIENDS. GROW THE HELL UP ALREADY. I'm getting freakin' sick of hearing stories about people acting jealous. I almost never hear these stories directly, and I think it's because people know that I'll call them on their jealousy. I don't interfere because often these stories do not involve me at all, but please read what I'm saying in this paragraph and take it to heart. If you don't want to be treated like a baby, don't act like one. Acting insanely jealous welcomes being treated like a baby. Don't want it? Don't ask for it.
-Hypocrisy hasn't been a huge issue, fortunately, but there was a stunning instance of it very recently, and that person probably is still convinced that they did no such act of hypocrisy, which is sad.
-I hope nobody forgot this: "If I say 'love ya' or something along those lines, not getting a response hurts sometimes. Can’t spend two seconds to type it out? BS. I don’t care if it should be assumed. It doesn’t take much effort, and not saying it often means something is wrong. Avoid the confusion and just take a second to type it back. I ALWAYS type it back if someone else does, with no exceptions. There have probably been dozens of times where I’ve said it without getting a response. I know this sounds stupid, but it does bug me once in a while."
-Somewhat related to the previous post, I hope no one forgot this one either: "-Giving compliments to your friends is good. Picking and choosing which friends deserve compliments can be a bad thing. I’m referring to saying how awesome someone is in an away message, profile, or any public medium (whether it is in person, group phone calls, or an internet forum). Constantly saying how awesome one person is can often give someone else a sense that he or she may not be doing everything right. If that person is, then you should tell them that once in a while, especially if you’re making such a big deal out of telling someone else. Of course, it’s always better to keep favoritism away from the public eye in general, for the most part, though (there are obviously exceptions, as there are to all rules)."
-Most of the other things in Section 3, Part 1 are no longer big issues.
New Years Post, Section 3, Part 2
-I just realized something: unfortunately, no one responded to my completely reasonable request at the beginning of this section: "I have a request of everyone: whether you choose to publicly post it here or privately IM me doesn’t matter, but I’d like each of you to respond to what I’ve said about you below and do the same back for me. And don’t cop out, either. I want a decent response." So if you don't approach me about this soon, expect me to approach you about it within the next week. Go back and re-read my post.
-5 out of 12 of the friendships I listed have grown notably stronger since my New Years entry.
-6 out of 12 of the friendships I listed have not changed since my New Years entry.
-1 of the 12 of the friendships I listed have declined significantly since my New Years entry.
Lastly, let's go over some of the things I posted at the end of my second New Years post. I wrote this:
My hopes for 2006
-I hope that there is never another August (don't know yet)
-I hope that my friendships only grow, and if some have to fade away, they fade peacefully (so far that's gone well, for the most part)
-I hope Diana’s second CD is better than the first, and is more successful (don't know yet)
-I hope meeting Jen in March and May works out (hasn't happened, but everything is looking good - only 8 more days)
-I hope the mini-road trip in a couple of weeks works out (it ended up getting split into two road trips, and only one worked out, but it was the right one, so that's good)
-I hope that all my closest DT friends and I get together at one point (looks like this is going to be happening in 9 days, for the most part - missing one or two people, but still, it's the closest we're gonna get)