(no subject)
Ew.
Friday I had to go to the hillmers and it sucked balls. The night consisted of the usual small talk that lasts for fucking hours. Everyone was making comments on how proud they were of Rhyan for getting a job at the bank. Rhyan looked at me and was saying how unimpressive it was that they only notice and talk to him now that he has a boring desk job, just like the rest of them.
Stupid Hillmers. Then my dad and Grandma got in some huge fight about the stupidest little thing and Grandma ended up saying that she didnt take dad seriously and such things. Then dad stormed out of the house and I ended up crying because I'm so fucking sensitive. Grandma came over to me and started trying to comfort me and I just couldnt help but think of how cruel she was and how much I hate her. Shes said so many things behind our backs about how we're not her real grandchildren... I hate her so much. She told me to write a journal entry about that night and just forget everything that happened. How shallow. Just forget what happened.
Fucking bitch.
Then the next day dan and I hung around, not much happened.
Sunday was Rhyans 20th, and we went to the Keg, and I had the BEST steak I have ever had. It was sooooo gooooood. We came back and went to Andy's house. I wish I could spend more time with Andy alone. . . this sucks so much. If I spend time with just Andy I feel guilty that I'm not with Dani. If I spend time with just Dani I start getting depressed that I'm not with Andy. If I spend time with both of them, then ... well my emotions just go to shit. I feel bad for not being affectionate with Andy because I dont want Dani feeling left out but then I start feeling more distant from Andy and the only time we can get together is while we're sleeping.
It really pissed me off last week... when Andy and I were over at Dani's place. The entire two days we were down there I was trying to be as physicaly distant from Andy as I could, as a courtisy thing to my friends. Andy was sitting in a chair, and I was on the couch. Dan was playing Dance Dance, Liah was doing something... the point is everyone but us two and I went over to him and sat on his lap and kissed him. The song stopped on Dance Dance and Liah came in and said "Ew, could you get off him Jenn? Your reminding me of Caitlyn and Vail" and Dan agreed with her. I just fucking boiled over.
For one thing being compared to with Caitlyn in a serious manner is not something I can take to cooly-- considering everyone thinks of her as a sloppy, stupid, poser whore. Secondly I was on him for three fucking seconds. He's my God damned boyfriend and I'm so bloody sorry if I want to be affectionate to him. I spent two days being descreet about it and the second I kiss him in a room full of people everyone has to jump all over it and make such a huge deal about it, as if I had been doing it all fucking day. It was just a kiss!!
Of course I didnt want to get mad at anyone so I just shut down.
Then again I'm just way to fucking sensitive about everything.
Anyway, we watched the wall on Andy's big screen.
I still dont have a note for school, and I want to go so bad.
I'm so afraid that I'm going to fail. I just know I'm going to fail.
Theres only 3 months until school is over and I've so far missed two weeks in a row of this term. I havnt been to school since March Break.
My life feels like its going no where. I just wish I could give up and die. I've been living on about one meal a day for two weeks and I've lost five pounds already. I wanted to lose five pounds, but I was sort of planning on doing it by exersize.
WHAT HAPPENED TO MY LIFE?!?! Things are supposed to be good. I just moved into a house, the summer is coming, I have a boyfriend, I go to a great school... why the fuck does everything have to suck?! It doesnt make sence. I can't pull myself together.
The cheque has been re-written and is now being sent back to us. I dont know when we can expect it.
Mom won some random skiing trip in Thunder Bay or something. That should cheer her up.
Friday I had to go to the hillmers and it sucked balls. The night consisted of the usual small talk that lasts for fucking hours. Everyone was making comments on how proud they were of Rhyan for getting a job at the bank. Rhyan looked at me and was saying how unimpressive it was that they only notice and talk to him now that he has a boring desk job, just like the rest of them.
Stupid Hillmers. Then my dad and Grandma got in some huge fight about the stupidest little thing and Grandma ended up saying that she didnt take dad seriously and such things. Then dad stormed out of the house and I ended up crying because I'm so fucking sensitive. Grandma came over to me and started trying to comfort me and I just couldnt help but think of how cruel she was and how much I hate her. Shes said so many things behind our backs about how we're not her real grandchildren... I hate her so much. She told me to write a journal entry about that night and just forget everything that happened. How shallow. Just forget what happened.
Fucking bitch.
Then the next day dan and I hung around, not much happened.
Sunday was Rhyans 20th, and we went to the Keg, and I had the BEST steak I have ever had. It was sooooo gooooood. We came back and went to Andy's house. I wish I could spend more time with Andy alone. . . this sucks so much. If I spend time with just Andy I feel guilty that I'm not with Dani. If I spend time with just Dani I start getting depressed that I'm not with Andy. If I spend time with both of them, then ... well my emotions just go to shit. I feel bad for not being affectionate with Andy because I dont want Dani feeling left out but then I start feeling more distant from Andy and the only time we can get together is while we're sleeping.
It really pissed me off last week... when Andy and I were over at Dani's place. The entire two days we were down there I was trying to be as physicaly distant from Andy as I could, as a courtisy thing to my friends. Andy was sitting in a chair, and I was on the couch. Dan was playing Dance Dance, Liah was doing something... the point is everyone but us two and I went over to him and sat on his lap and kissed him. The song stopped on Dance Dance and Liah came in and said "Ew, could you get off him Jenn? Your reminding me of Caitlyn and Vail" and Dan agreed with her. I just fucking boiled over.
For one thing being compared to with Caitlyn in a serious manner is not something I can take to cooly-- considering everyone thinks of her as a sloppy, stupid, poser whore. Secondly I was on him for three fucking seconds. He's my God damned boyfriend and I'm so bloody sorry if I want to be affectionate to him. I spent two days being descreet about it and the second I kiss him in a room full of people everyone has to jump all over it and make such a huge deal about it, as if I had been doing it all fucking day. It was just a kiss!!
Of course I didnt want to get mad at anyone so I just shut down.
Then again I'm just way to fucking sensitive about everything.
Anyway, we watched the wall on Andy's big screen.
I still dont have a note for school, and I want to go so bad.
I'm so afraid that I'm going to fail. I just know I'm going to fail.
Theres only 3 months until school is over and I've so far missed two weeks in a row of this term. I havnt been to school since March Break.
My life feels like its going no where. I just wish I could give up and die. I've been living on about one meal a day for two weeks and I've lost five pounds already. I wanted to lose five pounds, but I was sort of planning on doing it by exersize.
WHAT HAPPENED TO MY LIFE?!?! Things are supposed to be good. I just moved into a house, the summer is coming, I have a boyfriend, I go to a great school... why the fuck does everything have to suck?! It doesnt make sence. I can't pull myself together.
The cheque has been re-written and is now being sent back to us. I dont know when we can expect it.
Mom won some random skiing trip in Thunder Bay or something. That should cheer her up.