up-datin'
I need a job.
But working sucks.
It takes away from my 'lounging-around-doing-nothing' time.
But the income is nice.
I don't really feel ready for college, partially because I'm afraid it really won't make that much of a difference in my life, and partially because I'm afraid it will, but mostly just because it feels pretty unreal that sometime I've viewed largely as a turning point in my life is approaching quicker than I want it to.
I remember my tenth birthday ("Welcome to the land of double digits!") and how old I felt. It was this huge change, and I thought to myself that when I turned eleven I would feel stupid for thinking I was old. Which proved accurate.
And now, it's strange to think that in about 23 days, I'll be turning eighteen.
I don't feel any older or wiser. In fact, I just feel lazy.
Like the only thing holding me back from feeling that change is my own indifference towards it.
THE THRILL IS GONNNNNNNE.
el oh el, B.B. King
Hahaha.
In any case.
Lately I feel like I'm losing some people.
By trying to forge new friendships and fix old ones, I feel like I'm losing the ones who have really been there for me for the last two years.
I don't know whether it's because I've changed or they have, in some cases I can definitely point out the latter, but that can't be true in all circumstances, so I should shoulder some of the blame as well.
I feel like each day is dragging on, and yet time is slipping through my fingers. It's a strange, crappy paradox. I feel compelled to get off the computer and go do something to feel alive, use my time here properly.
Maybe it's because I don't actually ever do anything worthwhile or productive.
Anywho, enough bitching and pessimism.
I think I'm going to try and feel that change this year.
By recognizing my lethargy, I actually feel vaguely inspired to change it.
Vaguely.
Not that I really know how.
But, waking up early does feel good.
Once I get over the grogginess.
I want to learn how to ride a bike.
Also, "Whitest Kids U' Know"? = Genius.
Hahaha.
Just thought I'd throw that out there.
But working sucks.
It takes away from my 'lounging-around-doing-nothing' time.
But the income is nice.
I don't really feel ready for college, partially because I'm afraid it really won't make that much of a difference in my life, and partially because I'm afraid it will, but mostly just because it feels pretty unreal that sometime I've viewed largely as a turning point in my life is approaching quicker than I want it to.
I remember my tenth birthday ("Welcome to the land of double digits!") and how old I felt. It was this huge change, and I thought to myself that when I turned eleven I would feel stupid for thinking I was old. Which proved accurate.
And now, it's strange to think that in about 23 days, I'll be turning eighteen.
I don't feel any older or wiser. In fact, I just feel lazy.
Like the only thing holding me back from feeling that change is my own indifference towards it.
THE THRILL IS GONNNNNNNE.
el oh el, B.B. King
Hahaha.
In any case.
Lately I feel like I'm losing some people.
By trying to forge new friendships and fix old ones, I feel like I'm losing the ones who have really been there for me for the last two years.
I don't know whether it's because I've changed or they have, in some cases I can definitely point out the latter, but that can't be true in all circumstances, so I should shoulder some of the blame as well.
I feel like each day is dragging on, and yet time is slipping through my fingers. It's a strange, crappy paradox. I feel compelled to get off the computer and go do something to feel alive, use my time here properly.
Maybe it's because I don't actually ever do anything worthwhile or productive.
Anywho, enough bitching and pessimism.
I think I'm going to try and feel that change this year.
By recognizing my lethargy, I actually feel vaguely inspired to change it.
Vaguely.
Not that I really know how.
But, waking up early does feel good.
Once I get over the grogginess.
I want to learn how to ride a bike.
Also, "Whitest Kids U' Know"? = Genius.
Hahaha.
Just thought I'd throw that out there.