(no subject)
Ya know what?! I could say a lot of freakin bad words right now but I wont!!!!!!!!11!1!11!!!......I've been saying freakin alot tho--its freakin close enough!
I feel so angry and mad!!!!! GRah!!!!! And I feel like nobody freakin cares!!! once again I'm there to watch out for people, to care if people get embarrassed, to talk to them....and what do I get the talk of how mean I am, no calls, homework for 6 hours a night and a life of meaningless people. The people who I thoguht did matter to me dont call me, dont email me, dont write me, dont reply to me on my journal, they do crap! thats right! CRAP! Screw everyone right now!
So I broke up with Corey....the whole football team was pretty mad about that one and I got the talk of how mean I am....but I explained myself and they understand I guess. Hmmm my parents are fighting like crazy over this business and I just want to take a frying pan and hit my mother upside the head of second of the day! My brother has gotten into trouble 4 times since school started and is probably going to be kicked out, my mom's brain tumor isnt doing good and she might have to get more life threatening brain surgery!!!!!! And I have 6-7 hours of homework I night. I come home and do homework clear until 9:45 or 10ish. MY hands are covered in smeared pencil by the end of the night. Nobody calls me to talk or ask how I am. I get no emails and when I call someone....no call backs. Dont they want to know about me? Woudlnt they liked to know that I have been lying in bed wondering why everything has to been soo crazy right now!??! Guess not.
And I hate feeling bad for everyone and wanting to say sorry and make everything ok when I didnt do anything!!! Gosh! Like if I embarrass somebody because I dont wanna do something then I just should. it went against my thoughts but I did it so the person wasnt embarrassed. And other times people are mean to me but I wanna say sorry just because I miss their friendship. They said the things...why should I be sorry? Why should I want the friendhip back? I shouldnt! But I do!!!
So yah....just venting. But I truly hope people realize these type of things more often. I wish my so called friends from school and places would call me, I wish I would get some hey how are you emails instead of forwards, and I wish I had a friend to let my feelings out on. I feel like there is something else I want to say too and this is my only way I can express my self. Like I cant say the one thing, the only that comes out is this. Heck! I dont even know the other thing im trying to say but i think its what is really bothering me....but I dont know what it is. Well yah. I just really hope people will start...I guess noticing me more.
I feel so angry and mad!!!!! GRah!!!!! And I feel like nobody freakin cares!!! once again I'm there to watch out for people, to care if people get embarrassed, to talk to them....and what do I get the talk of how mean I am, no calls, homework for 6 hours a night and a life of meaningless people. The people who I thoguht did matter to me dont call me, dont email me, dont write me, dont reply to me on my journal, they do crap! thats right! CRAP! Screw everyone right now!
So I broke up with Corey....the whole football team was pretty mad about that one and I got the talk of how mean I am....but I explained myself and they understand I guess. Hmmm my parents are fighting like crazy over this business and I just want to take a frying pan and hit my mother upside the head of second of the day! My brother has gotten into trouble 4 times since school started and is probably going to be kicked out, my mom's brain tumor isnt doing good and she might have to get more life threatening brain surgery!!!!!! And I have 6-7 hours of homework I night. I come home and do homework clear until 9:45 or 10ish. MY hands are covered in smeared pencil by the end of the night. Nobody calls me to talk or ask how I am. I get no emails and when I call someone....no call backs. Dont they want to know about me? Woudlnt they liked to know that I have been lying in bed wondering why everything has to been soo crazy right now!??! Guess not.
And I hate feeling bad for everyone and wanting to say sorry and make everything ok when I didnt do anything!!! Gosh! Like if I embarrass somebody because I dont wanna do something then I just should. it went against my thoughts but I did it so the person wasnt embarrassed. And other times people are mean to me but I wanna say sorry just because I miss their friendship. They said the things...why should I be sorry? Why should I want the friendhip back? I shouldnt! But I do!!!
So yah....just venting. But I truly hope people realize these type of things more often. I wish my so called friends from school and places would call me, I wish I would get some hey how are you emails instead of forwards, and I wish I had a friend to let my feelings out on. I feel like there is something else I want to say too and this is my only way I can express my self. Like I cant say the one thing, the only that comes out is this. Heck! I dont even know the other thing im trying to say but i think its what is really bothering me....but I dont know what it is. Well yah. I just really hope people will start...I guess noticing me more.