Remember, you promised me...
After B left I couldn't even concentrate on watching T.V., couldn't concentrate on much of anything. Tryin' to sleep, didn't work. Especially not with Soul Boy shuffling around nervously by his desk. He was makin' way too much noise for anyone to sleep. Why did he make me come here? Things were better at home where I could hide under the covers from the rest of the world. I felt safe at home and now he wanted to drag me to his office. Probably cause he had work to do and was all afraid to let me out of his sight. I could kill someone again, hurt someone. Hurting someone is always so much better when you do it on purpose.
"I'm gonna go see if Wes is kickin' around yet." I announced suddenly, standing up and stretching with a yawn.
"I'll go with you." He offered quickly, putting his papers away and walking towards the door. Oh yeah, come with me. That was a great idea, cause that went so well last time. No way, I wasn't walkin' back into Wesley's office for help with Angel in tow. That path only led to badness, and probably a few broken bones. All of which would be Wesley's and I kinda needed him to do that whole hypnotizing thing.
"No. I just need to do this by myself." That look went over his eyes again, that worried look. Fuck, he shouldn't have to babysit me he had important lawyer things to do. "Look, you can walk me there. Then Wes can babysit and you can do some work. I promise I'll come straight back here afterwards."
He seemed to think this over for a few minutes before nodding at me in silent agreement. Biting my bottom lip I walked through the door as he held it open for me. The two of us walked quietly down the hall towards Wesley's office. Stopping in front of the office door, I turned around and gave Angel a look. No way in hell was I goin' in there with him. Not after the way thing went last time. Afraid he'd up and start breakin' shit if Wesley was gonna be all about Spike again. As soon as Angel disappeared halfway down the hallway I knocked on Wesley's door.
I shot Angel another reassuring look as he disappeared completely. What the fuck was takin' Wes so long? Knocking again, I rolled my eyes when I finally heard an annoyed British voice say "Come in." Was thinkin' about just walkin' in anyway, but I didn't wanna start off on a bad foot with him. Wasn't that what I was forever doin' anyway? Not just with him either, always got off on the wrong foot with everyone. Cause I was bad, never good.
"Hey Wes." I said as I opened the door, before closing it again behind me. "You busy?" with Spike? I thought bitterly. I was startin' to really appreciate my old philosophy of nailin' and bailin'. Cause if I had, I wouldn't be stuck in this situation with him.
"Faith." Was his even reply as he glanced down at his books before closing them slowly. Somehow I had the feeling that I had interupted something important, or something he was really into. Boy really did have a book fetish. "No, not particularly." He said quietly as he pushed the books away and folded his hands before looking up at me again. "What can I do for you." I watched him carefully as his pale eyes swept over the door behind me. Probably thinkin' Angel was right behind me.
"Cool." I said absently, as I plopped down on the chair across from his desk. "I was hopin'...maybe we could ya know...do that thing." My voice dropped to something barely above a whisper as I gave him a sheepish look. And oh great, that so did not come out the way I meant it to. Do that thing? Hadn't we already been down that road? "The hypnotizing thing." I quickly corrected myself.
"The...hypnotizing...thing. Now? You mean?" Why did he seem so nervous? It was makin' me nervous and I was already nervous enough for both of us. He looked around his office before shrugging. "All right. If you're certain you wish to try it. We can do it here."
"Well, I mean." Fuck, why did this have to be so hard? This was all Angel's fault, if it wasnt' for him I'd just be givin' up and finding a rock to curl up and die underneath. But no, fight them, don't let them win. He just had to say all that stuff to me. "I think...I just need to try something. Anything."
He frowned at me, and I watched him so carefully almost like a predator watches it's prey. Noting every single look and movement. Something flashed across his eyes quickly before he looked back at me. "let's do it right now then." he said as he got up from behind his desk. I watched him walk over to the door and then heard the faint click of the lock being turned. Without saying anything he sat down at his desk and I listened as he made a phone call to his secretary or whatever and told her to hold all his calls. Hey, finally I'm gettin' a little attention around here from Watcherboy. "Do you want to sit there or on the sofa? As long as you're comfortable it'll be fine." He was doin' his best to be wicked reassuring which was only kinda makin' me want to freak out even more. He sat down on the corner of his desk and seemed to study me for a minute.
"I'm fine." I said a little too quickly. "I'm comfy. Let's just do this." Couldn't believe I was doing this, he was the only person I'd trust playing around in my head like this. He was smart, way smarter than me or Angel. If anyone could figure it out? It'd be him.
"Fine." He nodded at me before crossing his arms over his chest. "Just clear your mind and we can start. You might want to close your eyes."
"Okay." I nodded at him and closed my eyes. Leaning back in the chair I tried to just shove it all out of my mind, clear it or whatever he said. Taking a deep breath I tried so hard to relax. Wasn't exactly easy these days. Opening my eyes again I frowned, this was wicked hard already.
"It won't work if you don't relax and clear your mind, Faith." Wesley sighed audibly before settling his eyes back on me. "Maybe you should move over to the sofa? Or do you want me to move out of your sight so you can concentrate better?" Now what the fuck was that supposed to mean? Course I was wicked paranoid so it might have been completely harmless. One thing I always been sure of though? Nothing was ever completely harmless.
Setting my jaw I stoodu p and walked over to the couch before flopping down on it. "I'm relaxed. Swear." I said taking another deep breath and forcing myself to lean back and settle into the couch.
"Of course you are," My former watcher said dryly as he walked to a chair next to the couch and sat down with a sigh. "Maybe you can concentrate on a spot on the ceiling if you don't want to close your eyes."
Taking another deep breath, I looked up at the ceiling and focused on one spot of dirt. It contrasted with the white tiles behind it. The back of my neck sunk into the couch and a minute later all I could see was that speck, wasn't thinkin' about anything else.
"That's it." I can hear the soft British voice in the background, he really should do books on tape. "We can start now." His voice sounded like it was at the end of a tunnel from far away.
"Kay." I agreed, my lips barely moving over the syllable as I settled even more into the couch.
"Faith, try to think back to the first time you had a flashback. What were you doing, what did you smell. Tell me what you see."
Closing my eyes I could see exactly where I was. "I'm on Buffy's couch, in Sunnydale." I murmered as I looked around the familiar living room. "Tryin' to sleep but I think one of the slayers in training is snoring. Wicked loud. Can't sleep. I'm nervous." I could feel the nervous knot in my stomach, and I just had to assume it was cause of the apocalypse waitin' right around the corner.
"What happens then? Can you see or feel anything specific that triggered this?"
"No." Sitting up on the couch, I felt a pounding at my temples and put my head in my hands squeezing my eyes shut. "I just have a headache and it won't go away." Standing up I frowned down at the elbow blocking my way. "I'm getting up, almost tripped over Andrew's elbow." I snickered as I looked down at the sleeping moron. "The floor is cold, and I don't have socks on." I could feel the shiver, but I didn't get it. This was California, it wasn't supposed to be cold. "I'm going to get some Tylenol. I think I saw Dawn putting some away in the bathroom."
"Alright, go get the Tylenol. Keep a close eye on what happens. We need to know exactly what will trigger these flashbacks and episodes. Walk over to the bathroom and tell me what happens."
"It's hard, there's girls sleeping everywhere. They're all in my way and I have to step over them." I made my way across the sleeping potentials in the living room. They really were everywhere, it was crazy. "I'm opening the door, and everything feels normal except for the headache." Looking up into the bathroom mirror I gasped loudly.
"What is it, Faith? What do you see?"
"The face, it's nto mine." I stepped away from the mirror and blinked before the familiar dark orbs disappeared again. I knew that face. Loved that face. "It went away." I shook my head and stepped closer again. "I got the tylenol bottle. It's in my hand." I looked down at the label, as the letters swam in front of my vision.
"Faith, go back. I want you to look into the mirror. This is important. Whose face it is you see there? Try to look long enough and see if you recognize it. If not, try and describe it." Wesley's voice is still far away and fuzzy, like a small tickle in the back of my head.
My grip on the tylenol bottle loosens and all the pills fall down into the sink. "It hurts, it hurts wicked bad." I exclaimed, my voice rising in panic. Could feel the new and familiar ache spread itself across my skin.
"What hurts, Faith? Just try to hold on a little bit. Just try to look in the mirror and see the face. We can stop then and the pain will be over."
"Everything." I cried, tears falling down my face faster than I could stop them as I doubled over on the bathroom floor. "Can't see anything. Everything's fuzzy."
"Faith, listen to me. This is not real. You need to wake up, you need to come back to the here and now. This is real Faith, come back to me." Wesley said as he stood up from the chair and lightly touched my shoulder.
"Real." I muttered, tears still flowing down my face. "Can't even tell the difference anymore." My vision was blinded even more until I felt someone touch my shoulder. Lashing out I shoved whoever it was away and staggered to my feet. I walked over to the mirror trying to see whose reflection it is. "It's his." Stumbling back away from it I clawed desperately at the door, looking for an exit. Why were the exits always so hard to find?
"Faith!" I could still hear the exclamation far away in the back of my mind. "Snap out of it!" Blinking I could swear I saw Wesley standing in front of me and gripping my arm. But I blinked and it was gone, in his place a giant snake glaring at me with beady eyes. I could feel the snake wrap itself around my arm and I threw it off again, blindly swinging with my fist. Blinking I could see my fist connect with Wesley's jaw and sending him flailing backwards to cold unforgiving floor below. "Let me go. Leave me alone!' I yelled before turning back to the exit. Grabbing a hold of the cool knob underneath my fingers I yanked on it hard until it snapped.
Turning back for a second I could see the snake on the floor, it must be naptime. Pulling the exit free from it's hinges I made my escape. Freedom....
"I'm gonna go see if Wes is kickin' around yet." I announced suddenly, standing up and stretching with a yawn.
"I'll go with you." He offered quickly, putting his papers away and walking towards the door. Oh yeah, come with me. That was a great idea, cause that went so well last time. No way, I wasn't walkin' back into Wesley's office for help with Angel in tow. That path only led to badness, and probably a few broken bones. All of which would be Wesley's and I kinda needed him to do that whole hypnotizing thing.
"No. I just need to do this by myself." That look went over his eyes again, that worried look. Fuck, he shouldn't have to babysit me he had important lawyer things to do. "Look, you can walk me there. Then Wes can babysit and you can do some work. I promise I'll come straight back here afterwards."
He seemed to think this over for a few minutes before nodding at me in silent agreement. Biting my bottom lip I walked through the door as he held it open for me. The two of us walked quietly down the hall towards Wesley's office. Stopping in front of the office door, I turned around and gave Angel a look. No way in hell was I goin' in there with him. Not after the way thing went last time. Afraid he'd up and start breakin' shit if Wesley was gonna be all about Spike again. As soon as Angel disappeared halfway down the hallway I knocked on Wesley's door.
I shot Angel another reassuring look as he disappeared completely. What the fuck was takin' Wes so long? Knocking again, I rolled my eyes when I finally heard an annoyed British voice say "Come in." Was thinkin' about just walkin' in anyway, but I didn't wanna start off on a bad foot with him. Wasn't that what I was forever doin' anyway? Not just with him either, always got off on the wrong foot with everyone. Cause I was bad, never good.
"Hey Wes." I said as I opened the door, before closing it again behind me. "You busy?" with Spike? I thought bitterly. I was startin' to really appreciate my old philosophy of nailin' and bailin'. Cause if I had, I wouldn't be stuck in this situation with him.
"Faith." Was his even reply as he glanced down at his books before closing them slowly. Somehow I had the feeling that I had interupted something important, or something he was really into. Boy really did have a book fetish. "No, not particularly." He said quietly as he pushed the books away and folded his hands before looking up at me again. "What can I do for you." I watched him carefully as his pale eyes swept over the door behind me. Probably thinkin' Angel was right behind me.
"Cool." I said absently, as I plopped down on the chair across from his desk. "I was hopin'...maybe we could ya know...do that thing." My voice dropped to something barely above a whisper as I gave him a sheepish look. And oh great, that so did not come out the way I meant it to. Do that thing? Hadn't we already been down that road? "The hypnotizing thing." I quickly corrected myself.
"The...hypnotizing...thing. Now? You mean?" Why did he seem so nervous? It was makin' me nervous and I was already nervous enough for both of us. He looked around his office before shrugging. "All right. If you're certain you wish to try it. We can do it here."
"Well, I mean." Fuck, why did this have to be so hard? This was all Angel's fault, if it wasnt' for him I'd just be givin' up and finding a rock to curl up and die underneath. But no, fight them, don't let them win. He just had to say all that stuff to me. "I think...I just need to try something. Anything."
He frowned at me, and I watched him so carefully almost like a predator watches it's prey. Noting every single look and movement. Something flashed across his eyes quickly before he looked back at me. "let's do it right now then." he said as he got up from behind his desk. I watched him walk over to the door and then heard the faint click of the lock being turned. Without saying anything he sat down at his desk and I listened as he made a phone call to his secretary or whatever and told her to hold all his calls. Hey, finally I'm gettin' a little attention around here from Watcherboy. "Do you want to sit there or on the sofa? As long as you're comfortable it'll be fine." He was doin' his best to be wicked reassuring which was only kinda makin' me want to freak out even more. He sat down on the corner of his desk and seemed to study me for a minute.
"I'm fine." I said a little too quickly. "I'm comfy. Let's just do this." Couldn't believe I was doing this, he was the only person I'd trust playing around in my head like this. He was smart, way smarter than me or Angel. If anyone could figure it out? It'd be him.
"Fine." He nodded at me before crossing his arms over his chest. "Just clear your mind and we can start. You might want to close your eyes."
"Okay." I nodded at him and closed my eyes. Leaning back in the chair I tried to just shove it all out of my mind, clear it or whatever he said. Taking a deep breath I tried so hard to relax. Wasn't exactly easy these days. Opening my eyes again I frowned, this was wicked hard already.
"It won't work if you don't relax and clear your mind, Faith." Wesley sighed audibly before settling his eyes back on me. "Maybe you should move over to the sofa? Or do you want me to move out of your sight so you can concentrate better?" Now what the fuck was that supposed to mean? Course I was wicked paranoid so it might have been completely harmless. One thing I always been sure of though? Nothing was ever completely harmless.
Setting my jaw I stoodu p and walked over to the couch before flopping down on it. "I'm relaxed. Swear." I said taking another deep breath and forcing myself to lean back and settle into the couch.
"Of course you are," My former watcher said dryly as he walked to a chair next to the couch and sat down with a sigh. "Maybe you can concentrate on a spot on the ceiling if you don't want to close your eyes."
Taking another deep breath, I looked up at the ceiling and focused on one spot of dirt. It contrasted with the white tiles behind it. The back of my neck sunk into the couch and a minute later all I could see was that speck, wasn't thinkin' about anything else.
"That's it." I can hear the soft British voice in the background, he really should do books on tape. "We can start now." His voice sounded like it was at the end of a tunnel from far away.
"Kay." I agreed, my lips barely moving over the syllable as I settled even more into the couch.
"Faith, try to think back to the first time you had a flashback. What were you doing, what did you smell. Tell me what you see."
Closing my eyes I could see exactly where I was. "I'm on Buffy's couch, in Sunnydale." I murmered as I looked around the familiar living room. "Tryin' to sleep but I think one of the slayers in training is snoring. Wicked loud. Can't sleep. I'm nervous." I could feel the nervous knot in my stomach, and I just had to assume it was cause of the apocalypse waitin' right around the corner.
"What happens then? Can you see or feel anything specific that triggered this?"
"No." Sitting up on the couch, I felt a pounding at my temples and put my head in my hands squeezing my eyes shut. "I just have a headache and it won't go away." Standing up I frowned down at the elbow blocking my way. "I'm getting up, almost tripped over Andrew's elbow." I snickered as I looked down at the sleeping moron. "The floor is cold, and I don't have socks on." I could feel the shiver, but I didn't get it. This was California, it wasn't supposed to be cold. "I'm going to get some Tylenol. I think I saw Dawn putting some away in the bathroom."
"Alright, go get the Tylenol. Keep a close eye on what happens. We need to know exactly what will trigger these flashbacks and episodes. Walk over to the bathroom and tell me what happens."
"It's hard, there's girls sleeping everywhere. They're all in my way and I have to step over them." I made my way across the sleeping potentials in the living room. They really were everywhere, it was crazy. "I'm opening the door, and everything feels normal except for the headache." Looking up into the bathroom mirror I gasped loudly.
"What is it, Faith? What do you see?"
"The face, it's nto mine." I stepped away from the mirror and blinked before the familiar dark orbs disappeared again. I knew that face. Loved that face. "It went away." I shook my head and stepped closer again. "I got the tylenol bottle. It's in my hand." I looked down at the label, as the letters swam in front of my vision.
"Faith, go back. I want you to look into the mirror. This is important. Whose face it is you see there? Try to look long enough and see if you recognize it. If not, try and describe it." Wesley's voice is still far away and fuzzy, like a small tickle in the back of my head.
My grip on the tylenol bottle loosens and all the pills fall down into the sink. "It hurts, it hurts wicked bad." I exclaimed, my voice rising in panic. Could feel the new and familiar ache spread itself across my skin.
"What hurts, Faith? Just try to hold on a little bit. Just try to look in the mirror and see the face. We can stop then and the pain will be over."
"Everything." I cried, tears falling down my face faster than I could stop them as I doubled over on the bathroom floor. "Can't see anything. Everything's fuzzy."
"Faith, listen to me. This is not real. You need to wake up, you need to come back to the here and now. This is real Faith, come back to me." Wesley said as he stood up from the chair and lightly touched my shoulder.
"Real." I muttered, tears still flowing down my face. "Can't even tell the difference anymore." My vision was blinded even more until I felt someone touch my shoulder. Lashing out I shoved whoever it was away and staggered to my feet. I walked over to the mirror trying to see whose reflection it is. "It's his." Stumbling back away from it I clawed desperately at the door, looking for an exit. Why were the exits always so hard to find?
"Faith!" I could still hear the exclamation far away in the back of my mind. "Snap out of it!" Blinking I could swear I saw Wesley standing in front of me and gripping my arm. But I blinked and it was gone, in his place a giant snake glaring at me with beady eyes. I could feel the snake wrap itself around my arm and I threw it off again, blindly swinging with my fist. Blinking I could see my fist connect with Wesley's jaw and sending him flailing backwards to cold unforgiving floor below. "Let me go. Leave me alone!' I yelled before turning back to the exit. Grabbing a hold of the cool knob underneath my fingers I yanked on it hard until it snapped.
Turning back for a second I could see the snake on the floor, it must be naptime. Pulling the exit free from it's hinges I made my escape. Freedom....