Revilations...

[chance_monroe]

[Continued from *here*I met Graham the night before at a club, there was an instant attraction. He called me the next day and invited me out to dinner. We had a wonderful time. Even came back here and before we knew it we were naked. Sweaty and happily naked

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[graham_452]

I collapsed and rolled over next to her as I wrapped my arm around her and looked into her eyes, and smiled.

"I'd love to stay...but I think I'm going to have to take a raincheck on the shower, after the cuddling maybe." I said with a wink. "not sure if I can move" I said teasingly as I pulled her closer and ran my fingers along her arm.

"I'm perfectly content with just holding you...like this" I said softly. It was the truth...I always liked just holding onto my girlfriend's. Wait. Is that what she was? My girlfriend? I didn't want to ask, to highschool if you ask me.

I was seeing someone, I'd leave it at that, not that it mattered. I didn't want anyone else, and I was pretty damn sure that she didn't either. Made two of us.

I kissed her softly and then smiled up at her.

I started to shake...my hands starting to sweat, I started to feel clammy and extremely hot. I jumped from the bed as my body continued to convulse, the convulsions getting worse. "my meds" I said weakly...as I stumbled towards the living room and grabbed my shorts and pulled my meds out. I popped two into my mouth and swallowed them with no water. Didn't need it anymore.

I sat down in the corner holding my knee's like a scared little boy. I hated when the convulsions started, I started to lose my vision when it got bad. The physical activity probably didn't help either. I waited for the convulsions to stop in the corner.

Hoping to God that she wouldn't walk out and see me like this.

[chance_monroe]

I smiled when he said he would stay. "I'd like that." I felt his arms go around me and I smiled and sighed continently.

Hold up. I'm content? Something's wrong. This doesn't happen, I'm always miserable. This just isn't...ohh fuck it feels right. But I couldn't help but wonder if he felt the same. I wasn't going to ask him because it would sound stupid and childish. I think I'll just keep my mouth shut and be content with the now. Always makes less hard later on.

He kissed me and I smiled down at him, the expression on his face changed and I looked at him concerned. "Graham?" He stumbled out of the bed and I heard him mumble 'my meds'.

Ohh fuck. Because of me he's gonna get sick. I sighed and quickly wrapped the sheet around me and followed him. I stood at the top of the stairs and watched him. I could swear that my heart almost hurt for him. "Graham?" I spoke softly and slowly made my way down the stairs.

I saw him curled in a corner. I didn't know if I should go to him or not but I knew that from my own 'problems' or whatever you want to call them that I hated being alone when it happened sometimes.

I walked over to him slowly, holding the sheet to me I knelt next to him. "Shhh, It's ok Graham..." I whispered softly as I ran my hands over him. I wanted to wrap my arms around him and hold him till this passed but I didn't want to make it worse...

"I'm right here, I'm not going to go anywhere. I'm here if you need me..." Don't make me feel like a fool...ok, I already do.

[graham_452]

I felt my body shaking harder, why weren't the damn meds working. Then they started to slow, my heart slowed down and started to beat more regularly.

I pulled away from Chance without thinking about it, nobody has ever done that before, held me. Especially when the convulsions started...I looked up at her, sweat dripping from my face, and my face pale white. I realized that I had hurt her by pulling away. I leaned back against her as the convulsing slowed.

"Sorry...I'm not used to this..." I said weakly, my voice hoarse. "it's new and I like it" I said trying to crack a smile.

I laid against her for a good 5 minutes before I started to feel better. I moved and wrapped my arm around her and pulled her to me, her head resting on me.

"It's ok...I'm better now...it's all gone" I said softly as I brushed few strands of hair from her face.

[chance_monroe]

I flinched when he pushed me away. Ok, that stung. I finally give a crap and he pulls away. Great.

He looks up at me and he looks so helpless. I take a corner of the sheet and wipe down his face. "I'm right here." I smiled slightly when he leaned back against me. I gently stroked his hair and held him to me.

"Sorry...I'm not used to this...it's new and I like it"

I smile down at him. "It's new for me too. I'm so not used to actually giving a fuck." I laugh slightly. "I thought I was gonna shit bricks when I asked you to stay. I never do that. It's always no and some other time." I kiss his forehead. "Plus, I've never wanted anyone to stay."

We stayed curled up for a while, till he felt better. I smiled softly when he wrapped his arms around me. "So very new..." And I like it. I just don't want to get broken. I can't take a breaking right now.

I moaned softly and leaned into his hand. "I like when you do that." I lay curled against him and I listen to his heartbeat as it returned back to normal. I ran my hand over his chest and then down his arm.

I absentmindedly linked my fingers with his. I looked at our hands strangely for a moment. This was all new, scared the fuckin' daylights outta me but I liked the rush. It was new and kinda nice.

I jumped when I felt a jolt run up my spine. "Ohhh fuck, not now..." I pulled away from him and pressed myself against the wall next to him. I blinked a few times and I could almost feel my eyes changing colors again. "Not supposed to happen so soon after..."

[graham_452]

I looked at her and smiled a bit stronger now. "Not exactly what I had in mind for cuddling, but I'll take what I can get...I mean this is what I wanted, us cuddling, just not like this" I said...I was digging myself deeper. "Chance, look at what you have done, turned me into a babbling fool, should be fun to explain to my CO why I keep running my mouth. He'd say something stupid like 'Your a soldier, I don't give a damn about your feelings' or something like that" I said softly.

"When I do what?" I asked, I wasn't even thinking about it, just had to be touching her. It drove me crazy not to be. "I really do like this Chance, a lot" I said softly. I squeezed her hand as she intertwined our fingers together, I pulled her hand up and kissed it softly, and then licked it and looked at her and smiled.

Then she jumped back. I got to my feet in a hurry, still with no clothes on. As I walked over towards her, I noticed her eyes chance color.

Wow...this was great...her and I. We were so messed up...great timing.

I walked closer towards her and pulled her in for a hug, "It'll be ok sweetie, I'm here...we can get through this. We are going to get through this"

[chance_monroe]

I smiled at him. "Yeah well I care. Something this girl doesn't do." I shook my head. "Well your CO better watch how he talks to you or he might end up flung up a flagpole." I spoke quietly but I meant every word.

"When I do what?"

I looked up at him. "Everything." Ok, I'm getting soft here. This isn't good. I can't let him get to me. Fuck it, he already has. I smiled at his words. "I like it too." I giggled when he licked my hand.

I could feel my heart pounding as I felt the energy coarse through my spine and down to my fingers. I shuddered and shook trying to keep control and not hurt him. "Shouldn't...shouldn't touch...touch gets hurt." I whimpered when he pulled me closer to him. I rested my head against his chest. "Need my bag..."

I get to my knees and start to move, my spine is burning and I stop. I hear rattling from the kitchen and I swear. "Fuck it." I reach my hand out and I feel my black bag drop in my hand. I whimper and struggle to sit back up so I can do a shot but it's taking so much to keep it all in and not hurt Graham.

But I can't, I can't do this. I can't ask him. I can't be weak. But...I need him.

I squeeze my eyes tightly and whisper. "I need help."

[graham_452]

I looked at her as she started to have convulsions. My heart instantly fell to the floor as I watched her in horror. I couldn't lose her, not after I had just found her.

"I can't lose you...I just found you Chance...I refuse to lose you" I said softly as I held her.

The next thing I knew the bag was in her hand. ANd she was sturggling with it. I reached and took the bag from her and opened it as I pulled out a needle and a vial. I looked at her "how much?" I asked as she told me. Once hte liquid was in the needle I looked at her. "Where?" I asked softly.

I couldn't stand looking at her like this...I wasn't going to lose her. I didn't care what I had to do to keep from losing her. I hoped to god that this worked.

[chance_monroe]

I shook my head. "Not gonna..." Oh god it hurt to hold it in. Can't hurt him though, that would be too much. Can't hurt him.

I swallowed a few times and tell him to do the shot anywhere, he did the shot and I could feel it burning as it went through my veins. Everything still hurt and I just laid there till I felt him put his arms around me. "Sorry..."

I closed my eyes and took a few deep breaths. "Can't take this. I so want to just be rid of this." I murmured against his chest. I felt so venerable and I wasn't used to being like that around another person.

I relaxed as he held me tight, it felt good, to not be alone when this happened. "Thank you..." I swallowed hard and speak softly. "It's nice not to be alone when it happens." I licked my lips. "It seems to only happen like that when I hold it in and everything. I just can't seem to control it."

God did we make a pair.

I looked up at him and looked at him questionably. "Did you mean what you said before? About losing me?" I didn't know how I felt about it. I liked it but it unsettled me at the same time.

[graham_452]

I held her close as things went back to normal, well as normal as they would ever be for us. I took a deep breathe, I was hesitent to inject her, but she wanted it. I didn't want to, but she needed it. I didn't want her in pain.

"We'll work through it Chance, I mean if you want to...with me that is" I said softly. "Plus, thought we were going to learn to control it...I was going to help" I said softly.

Then she asked about what I had said about losing her. Her goes nothing, jumping out of the plane, without a parachute. No going back now.

"I meant it Chance...I don't want to lose you, I just found you" I said again.

I felt sick to my stomach, the anticipation of her getting creeped about what I had just said and pushing me away. I loosened my arms around her, waiting for a reply. I thought she was going to say something like "go home" or something like that, the anticipation was killing me.

[chance_monroe]

I nodded against his chest. "Yes, I do. I want you with me but only if you do."

"I meant it Chance...I don't want to lose you, I just found you"

I laid against him and thought about what he said. The idea scared the livin fuck outta me but I didn't mind with him. He wasn't like your average boy, then again I wasn't your average girl. We kinda fit.

I leaned back and looked up at him. I smiled softly and brought my hand to his face and kissed him softly. "I'm not running." I whispered before I ran my hand behind his neck and kissed him deeper. I wasn't ready to tell him that I didn't want to lose him, those words would leave me too bare, too easy to get hurt. But I hoped that he would understand and get what I was feeling.

[graham_452]

I held her closer, my heart skipping a beat as I tensed a bit. Then she said yes. It is what I wanted to hear...yet somehow it was distant, but I wasn't going to push it.

I wore my heart on my sleeve, or so my dad told me. Called me a stupid kid for it, I was open with my feelings for the most part. Once I trusted someone I was completly open with them, seemed to be a bad thing. But I was a slow learner.

I wanted to take back the words, it seemed to have upset her. Way to go Graham, way to fucking go. I kept thinking as my fingers traced over her arm.

The thought of getting up and leaving, taking what little pride and dignity I had left lingered in the back of my mind. It would make things easier, I wouldn't feel as stupid and vulnerable as I do right now.

I got up and leaned over and helped her up. I walked back upstairs and pulled on my boxers. I took a seat on the bed with her and held her hands in mine.

[chance_monroe]

He pulled away, not physically though. FUCK, stupid me. I'm gonna push him away by keeping my damn mouth shut. Why is it that I've got a big smart mouth with everything and everyone but when it is supposed to count?!

He stood up and we headed back to the bedroom. We sat quietly on the bed and I looked at him. I didn't know what to say. That's not like me either.

"Graham..." Alright let's just give this a shot. "I like you, I like you here. I love the time we've spent together and I want more of it." I sighed and laughed. "I'm not the share feelings kinda girl, at least not right off, I don't think. See, I've never let someone in, the one time I did I got hurt. And frankly, I like myself unhurt." Please let him understand what I'm saying. "You're free to walk out that door if you want too, if you feel the need too. But know...I don't want you to."

I looked down and sighed. "If you want to take back what you said...I'll understand. But..." I paused for a long moment as I studied my hands in his, they seemed to kind of fit.

I could feel myself shaking slightly, I don't show my feelings, but I felt I needed to. I felt that if I didn't he'd end up walking right out that door and never turn back. This was a step that was terrifying to me.

I coughed and spoke barely above a whisper. "I feel the same..." There was no going back now.