(no subject)
I have great friends. People who care about me so much. Especially Billy. Thank you so much. You have no idea how much talking with you helps.
I should be incredibly happy. I'm not, though. I'm quite the opposite. Ian left after Christmas, on business, and I haven't talked to him since. Can't seem to get in touch with him. I read that he was in Sydney, but I really wouldn't know. I just wish he would give me a call and let me know he's okay.
But, even when Ian was here, I wasn't happy. I knew I should have been, but I wasn't. I don't know what's wrong with me. I can't remember the last time I smiled a genuine smile. At least, when I was sober. I become a smiling, horny, talk-too-much freak when I drink. From now on, I'm limiting myself. I want to remember the night, not wake up wondering what the hell happened.
My new favorite line- Fuck this. I'm sick of problems. Anything that hinders my path, fuck it. Fuck this, fuck that, fuck you. It really works. Like this- "Fuck New Year's Eve." I think I'm going to be alone that night. Christine suprised me today for a short visit, taking the girls home with her. I was hungover when she showed up, I don't blame her. I wouldn't trust two children with me either.
Fuck me.
I should be incredibly happy. I'm not, though. I'm quite the opposite. Ian left after Christmas, on business, and I haven't talked to him since. Can't seem to get in touch with him. I read that he was in Sydney, but I really wouldn't know. I just wish he would give me a call and let me know he's okay.
But, even when Ian was here, I wasn't happy. I knew I should have been, but I wasn't. I don't know what's wrong with me. I can't remember the last time I smiled a genuine smile. At least, when I was sober. I become a smiling, horny, talk-too-much freak when I drink. From now on, I'm limiting myself. I want to remember the night, not wake up wondering what the hell happened.
My new favorite line- Fuck this. I'm sick of problems. Anything that hinders my path, fuck it. Fuck this, fuck that, fuck you. It really works. Like this- "Fuck New Year's Eve." I think I'm going to be alone that night. Christine suprised me today for a short visit, taking the girls home with her. I was hungover when she showed up, I don't blame her. I wouldn't trust two children with me either.
Fuck me.