so its been a while.....
seems like i never write in this, and when i do, its just giving a brief over veiw of what has been happening.. well considering the fact that i have really given up tv for a while... i have some more free time. Thank God for sarah lindsley, because with her help, im almost all packed for the big move. im both scared and excited to move to california. Im trying really hard to look at this like an adventure. like... a new beginning..its kind of funny... i have kept journals most of the time growing up.. and all the time i mentioned how much i would like to pick up and go somewhere warm and far away. not have a care in the world... i guess i am kinda doing that.. i mean..i do have cares, and this is well a little more than slightly stressfull.. but, its hard to leave your home, with all of your memories.. i like driving on the roads that i know my mom once drove on. the roads that i first learned how to drive on. the roads that i traveled on my way to school... this may sound silly.. but its hard to leave the state that is my moms final resting place here on earth.
and california is so so so far...maybe it will force me to start writing, lol. ive been wanting to.. its just hard to.
ive been looking through old photo albums... ones of mom, and me when i was little. its funny how we cant wait to grow up... and yet once we start doing that.. we fight it, and then... once we start letting go of our childish ways, and ways of thinking... we start wishing we could spend just one more day being who we were, with the people who arent here anymore....
i have to say... it is hard that harry never knew mom.. it hurts knowing that matt robinson.. and brian tosto.. and all those other past relationships that werent really love, got to know someone so close to my heart...but harry, who truly loves me more than anyone else has, will never know her here on this earth.
Am i ready to be a whole new person?..... well.. i think i am...but its very scary only walking by faith. i have been stressing tho... cuz i want everything to be done right.. and efficiantly... but slowly.. im learning.. there is no "right" way to do things.. or to become an adult.. you just jump in and do the best you can, and pray to God there is someone there who can help you. and pretty much every time, there is. i guess it just means.. the past is the past.. and a new chapter is really opening.. no more adding to the chapter before... its written, and thats that. and its sad that certain people wont be in the new chapter. never the less.... i am an open book.. and hopefully with lots of prayer.. reading, and determination.. i can become a christian woman gracefully. lol. if thats possible. but i look forward to it. having my own home, my own dishes, my own dinners to make. my own bed to share with my husband.... my husbands shirts to iron... it sounds so utterly romantic... and i have had just a small taste of that the past few months.. and trust me, it is as romantic as it sounds.. o sigh..well anyways.. thats all i have to write about now. hopefully i actualy will write more later.. im sure i will, ;-)
~Sarah
and california is so so so far...maybe it will force me to start writing, lol. ive been wanting to.. its just hard to.
ive been looking through old photo albums... ones of mom, and me when i was little. its funny how we cant wait to grow up... and yet once we start doing that.. we fight it, and then... once we start letting go of our childish ways, and ways of thinking... we start wishing we could spend just one more day being who we were, with the people who arent here anymore....
i have to say... it is hard that harry never knew mom.. it hurts knowing that matt robinson.. and brian tosto.. and all those other past relationships that werent really love, got to know someone so close to my heart...but harry, who truly loves me more than anyone else has, will never know her here on this earth.
Am i ready to be a whole new person?..... well.. i think i am...but its very scary only walking by faith. i have been stressing tho... cuz i want everything to be done right.. and efficiantly... but slowly.. im learning.. there is no "right" way to do things.. or to become an adult.. you just jump in and do the best you can, and pray to God there is someone there who can help you. and pretty much every time, there is. i guess it just means.. the past is the past.. and a new chapter is really opening.. no more adding to the chapter before... its written, and thats that. and its sad that certain people wont be in the new chapter. never the less.... i am an open book.. and hopefully with lots of prayer.. reading, and determination.. i can become a christian woman gracefully. lol. if thats possible. but i look forward to it. having my own home, my own dishes, my own dinners to make. my own bed to share with my husband.... my husbands shirts to iron... it sounds so utterly romantic... and i have had just a small taste of that the past few months.. and trust me, it is as romantic as it sounds.. o sigh..well anyways.. thats all i have to write about now. hopefully i actualy will write more later.. im sure i will, ;-)
~Sarah