Snow
What is it about snow that is so depressing? Maybe its the fact that its white, pure, and clean and reflects that i am none of those things, and i will strive to be those things for as long as i live and never accomplish it.
im sitting in my room right now just looking out the window watching all the kids that live in my dorm have a snowball fight. At first im like, well alright thats dorky and kind of a waste of time. But then its like no i just feel that way because im not a part of it, im just an outsider. It could be fun, if i hadn't forgotten how to play. The only ways in which i have fun nowadays involve pot, booze,pills, or in discovering new bones that are prodding out of my skin. My childhood is nowhere to be found. These kids are just comfortable in their own skin laughing and playing in the snow like they were really just kids again. They have something i desperately want, but cannot put into words.
well i dont really know what to do with myself. I suppose to i should do work, since i have a lot, but i feel so depressed i know i wouldnt be concentrating on it fully. I feel as if i have nothing to live for but to see how skinny i can become... when will i realize its never going to fill my empty, cold heart? What is ever going to fill this hole of mine?
im sitting in my room right now just looking out the window watching all the kids that live in my dorm have a snowball fight. At first im like, well alright thats dorky and kind of a waste of time. But then its like no i just feel that way because im not a part of it, im just an outsider. It could be fun, if i hadn't forgotten how to play. The only ways in which i have fun nowadays involve pot, booze,pills, or in discovering new bones that are prodding out of my skin. My childhood is nowhere to be found. These kids are just comfortable in their own skin laughing and playing in the snow like they were really just kids again. They have something i desperately want, but cannot put into words.
well i dont really know what to do with myself. I suppose to i should do work, since i have a lot, but i feel so depressed i know i wouldnt be concentrating on it fully. I feel as if i have nothing to live for but to see how skinny i can become... when will i realize its never going to fill my empty, cold heart? What is ever going to fill this hole of mine?