God, this is random.
A long time ago, I had these opinions on how the world would work. People were essentially rational, predictable entities. If someone lied to you 50% of the time, you could ignore half of what they said. Maybe I had faith in my ability to pick which half, or maybe I thought it would just be obvious. Either way, people were like machines or objects in this conception of the world; if you did something to them, they'd react a certain way every time.
Life isn't so predictable. People aren't so predictable. I never expected I would get there. But when I did, I came to love the unpredictability. Because people react differently, they have choices. I could see the good in a person for making the right choices, not the effectiveness or efficiency of the machine. And I came to love people, because almost all of them had something I could like, some good - some choice they made that was right, that most people wouldn't have. That I wouldn't have. All I could do was learn and emulate.
Now I find it strange; I'm in this situation where people on some levels look at me that way. Judging my actions and coming to a conclusion on whether or not there is good in me. That's fine; I don't mind being judged if it's fair and if it's on something important like that. But what is strange is that they might be emulating this. And yet they have no idea why I do what I do. My actions are not the end of me, they are the best outcome I could come up with out of the thought process I have. And yet, if nobody knows the thought process - if nobody knows the principles - how could they emulate it even if I was doing right? It's a lose-lose, isn't it?
Some day, I'll write those principles down. All of them.
Life isn't so predictable. People aren't so predictable. I never expected I would get there. But when I did, I came to love the unpredictability. Because people react differently, they have choices. I could see the good in a person for making the right choices, not the effectiveness or efficiency of the machine. And I came to love people, because almost all of them had something I could like, some good - some choice they made that was right, that most people wouldn't have. That I wouldn't have. All I could do was learn and emulate.
Now I find it strange; I'm in this situation where people on some levels look at me that way. Judging my actions and coming to a conclusion on whether or not there is good in me. That's fine; I don't mind being judged if it's fair and if it's on something important like that. But what is strange is that they might be emulating this. And yet they have no idea why I do what I do. My actions are not the end of me, they are the best outcome I could come up with out of the thought process I have. And yet, if nobody knows the thought process - if nobody knows the principles - how could they emulate it even if I was doing right? It's a lose-lose, isn't it?
Some day, I'll write those principles down. All of them.