currently biting a lemon drop
In Ames for Spring Break because Florida plans of Sun&Glory fell through. I'm having a nice time. It's sorta weird to be home when no one else is, but eh. I like this Neruda bit, though:
I would come back from far away
in order to leave,
to leave again,
and I knew that to be a kind of dying,
going away while everything stays.
So far I haven't been doing much except reading, napping, taking walks, and watching movies. It is so nice to not be living in the libe anymore. I got 2 A's and a B for final grades so I'm happy. (A in grad-level class yahoo!) Speaking of schoolwork (bo-ring), lately I've been confused about whether I want to get an MFA (in creative writing) or a normal MA (in some not-creative subject). Until this quarter I was like, yeah, I'll get an MFA and then I can teach creative writing or dink around in publishing and eek out a living while I write essays. But this quarter made me think that perhaps I actually want to be a Serious Scholar and make people call me Doctor. Because I'm a total bitch like that. So who knows-and regardless, I don't know if my GPA is good enough to get me into the kind of Serious Scholar grad program I would want. There is no point, after all, in spending time, energy, and money on something if it's not the best. (It would be smarter if I could not have this be my life motto, but alas.)
Anyway, enough with that. I'm really looking forward to Spring and beach/picnics/hammocks/kickball/andcetera. During Spring Quarter I always feel this cheerfulness plus a sort of un-anchoredness, like anything could happen to me and I would just laugh and let it happen. It's a kinder, gentler way to live that's always so nice after the Chicago winter. I've been having these domesticity panic attacks lately that are something I've never experienced before-at random times I'll be gripped by this intense wish to just pick out pillows and fold laundry and have a nice dinner with my husband and watch TV and go to sleep. Strange, and sort of creepy. I don't think it means that deep down I actually want to be a housewife, but I think it does mean that I need to face up to the fact that I like being home and feeling cozy and protected in a small space, and I need to push myself to move beyond this space. Jesus Christ I am so old sometimes.
I would come back from far away
in order to leave,
to leave again,
and I knew that to be a kind of dying,
going away while everything stays.
So far I haven't been doing much except reading, napping, taking walks, and watching movies. It is so nice to not be living in the libe anymore. I got 2 A's and a B for final grades so I'm happy. (A in grad-level class yahoo!) Speaking of schoolwork (bo-ring), lately I've been confused about whether I want to get an MFA (in creative writing) or a normal MA (in some not-creative subject). Until this quarter I was like, yeah, I'll get an MFA and then I can teach creative writing or dink around in publishing and eek out a living while I write essays. But this quarter made me think that perhaps I actually want to be a Serious Scholar and make people call me Doctor. Because I'm a total bitch like that. So who knows-and regardless, I don't know if my GPA is good enough to get me into the kind of Serious Scholar grad program I would want. There is no point, after all, in spending time, energy, and money on something if it's not the best. (It would be smarter if I could not have this be my life motto, but alas.)
Anyway, enough with that. I'm really looking forward to Spring and beach/picnics/hammocks/kickball/andcetera. During Spring Quarter I always feel this cheerfulness plus a sort of un-anchoredness, like anything could happen to me and I would just laugh and let it happen. It's a kinder, gentler way to live that's always so nice after the Chicago winter. I've been having these domesticity panic attacks lately that are something I've never experienced before-at random times I'll be gripped by this intense wish to just pick out pillows and fold laundry and have a nice dinner with my husband and watch TV and go to sleep. Strange, and sort of creepy. I don't think it means that deep down I actually want to be a housewife, but I think it does mean that I need to face up to the fact that I like being home and feeling cozy and protected in a small space, and I need to push myself to move beyond this space. Jesus Christ I am so old sometimes.