(no subject)
Why Do I care? Its been over a month..and yet....I find out something new, which completely tears me apart again...I feel like throwing up right now, my stomache is turning, eyes getting all liquidy, and my arm shaking. I cant believe I still care about her...or about this whole situation. I am probably over reacting...or maybe I'm not...I dont know. It doesnt seem fair to have waited 6 months for someone to get over an abusive bf....to only have them wait a month after getting over me to move on to their next conquest... and to think, she told me she loved me..and I to her. Than to be told "just get over it, I got over you a long time ago", this is supposed to help...who do you think you are? You have no right to walk up to me and tell me to get over my own god damn feelings. They are mine, and really all I have control over. Don't walk up to soemone who you rudely/imaturely/foolishly broke up with and tell them that you are with some new great guy already who you met only a few weeks ago. That doesnt make anyone happy, it makes them feel like garbage, especially after they spent (perhaps wasted) nearly two years with you! After they put in so much sacrifice..losing ALL of their friends to make you happy! Don't you dare lecture me on my emotions...I know they are ill placed, I know they shouldnt exist, I KNOW these things! But, YOU should know NOT to treat a person in ways in which you dont want to be treated. If you are going to treat me like human garbage, to use me, make me wait, make me beg, make me suffer at your whim, dont expect a fucking chearful exuberance from me when you tell me you have a new boyfriend and he is great. I know you wont see this, and I am glad. I know others will see this, and I am sorry. My emotions are mixed right now, a mixture of furious anger, and extreme sadness.
I'm sorry to you who I grew to ignore over the years...both in your advice..as well as your actions. I was wrong to ignore those who truly cared about me, and to turn my backs on them. I knew that it was wrong, I have no true excuse, other than that I know, and knew that no one would get along with each other, so I attempted to space people out. But by doing so...I ignored the majority, and only focused on the one. *Sigh* Mistakes we make in youth, I may only hope that these mistakes are not repeated too often. I hope to see you all again, and to not feel too awkward.
Sorry for the long winded letter of self pitty. I am such a drama king tonight...But it's ok, because..I needed to vent, I needed to express myself in some way that windows cannot destroy if it crashes. I needed...an outlet for my emotions tonight, and this is what this silly damn thing is for. (OH AND BTW I FEEL LIKE I AM IN HIGH SCHOOL...) Maybe that is because the person I dated acted like it too..
I'm sorry to you who I grew to ignore over the years...both in your advice..as well as your actions. I was wrong to ignore those who truly cared about me, and to turn my backs on them. I knew that it was wrong, I have no true excuse, other than that I know, and knew that no one would get along with each other, so I attempted to space people out. But by doing so...I ignored the majority, and only focused on the one. *Sigh* Mistakes we make in youth, I may only hope that these mistakes are not repeated too often. I hope to see you all again, and to not feel too awkward.
Sorry for the long winded letter of self pitty. I am such a drama king tonight...But it's ok, because..I needed to vent, I needed to express myself in some way that windows cannot destroy if it crashes. I needed...an outlet for my emotions tonight, and this is what this silly damn thing is for. (OH AND BTW I FEEL LIKE I AM IN HIGH SCHOOL...) Maybe that is because the person I dated acted like it too..