(no subject)
So i havent been around much of anywhere lately. I've tried and failed, failed failed to be a functioning self.My mother has breast cancer and I've been kinda stressed on her behalf, taking care of a lot of the things around the place that need doing.She had surgery last month and she's at her second seven-day checkup. Or something. Maybe it's the oncologist today. They found micro-metastization in one of the lymph nodes that they pulled out of her and she needs to know whether its going to be chemo or radiation of more surgery or what.
I'm scared.
I've not been pulling it off well, either. I'm not eating well, not functioning to the best of my abilities, not not. I've tried to reach out but it's hard. I just stay locked in this shell, looking at the world at large and not partaking in it. Not the whole glass-window syndrome but close. I know why I'm apart and I know I'm staying here. A lot of friends dont get that I'm here, I will be here and if they want to help me be here fine. But I'm not being me in being here. I'm not here when i'm me. I'm not me. I'm not here.
Me, I'm Not.
I'm scared.
I've not been pulling it off well, either. I'm not eating well, not functioning to the best of my abilities, not not. I've tried to reach out but it's hard. I just stay locked in this shell, looking at the world at large and not partaking in it. Not the whole glass-window syndrome but close. I know why I'm apart and I know I'm staying here. A lot of friends dont get that I'm here, I will be here and if they want to help me be here fine. But I'm not being me in being here. I'm not here when i'm me. I'm not me. I'm not here.
Me, I'm Not.