"although i have lived, i have never been alive."
2004. (end)
I would be lying if I said nothing happened this year. There are so many things that have happened in the past 12 months that have changed my life extremely. I don't like regretting my past, but sometimes I hate myself for things I have done. From letting go of Alli and falling into various, short-term situations with others... to meeting Lauren Martin. The girl that has proved to me why the world can be so great. For those of you who don't know her, don't hold yourself back. She is one of the sweetest, most caring girls I know, and I love her very, very much. But the end of this year has proven to me, that my emotions have been in control of me, instead of me taking control of my own life. I had to make a decision for myself and for her, and in the end it doesn't even feel like it makes sense.
Lauren, I'm sincerely sorry for all the pain I have put you through because of my stupid feelings, or lack of feelings towards reality. You have never done anything wrong, and you have shown me nothing but the best fucking feelings a guy can get. My heart is just telling me that something needs to change, and I have to control my life now. For those of you who didn't know, or didn't care, I've been in a complete mess the past couple of months. I have found it extremely hard to talk to anyone, because I feel completely alone. I don't know how to explain my feelings, I've never been good at it. Sometimes I don't even see a point, because whats the point when you just get called emo.
Lauren, we aren't together anymore because of my insecurity, and the extreme amount of frustration that won't leave me. Not because of you. You have changed my life, and I don't regret anything, and I'm sorry for everything. I'm willing to beg for your friendship for the rest of my life.
I've built friendships and lost some with people this year, just like every year, but I think these last 12 months have brough upon the most change in my memory of life. I want to thank everyone for taking the time to hear what I have to say sometimes, and show me the respect/kindness that I'm desperately trying to show all of you. For all of you who helped me through last year, and for everyone who will be there for me when I need it.
I haven't stopped thinking and I'm starting to realize that I feel alone because the past few months, I haven't had many people to talk to. I'm going to try my hardest to overcome this. I would especially like to thank my life for people who have been there for me, my family, my friends. All the good music it brought me, and all the good movies. All the good times, and all the bad times that will eventually help me learn about myself. I woud personally thank each and everyone of you, but my eyes are starting to hurt. If you comment, I will gladly tell you my opinion on you.
2005. (start)
I would be lying if I said nothing happened this year. There are so many things that have happened in the past 12 months that have changed my life extremely. I don't like regretting my past, but sometimes I hate myself for things I have done. From letting go of Alli and falling into various, short-term situations with others... to meeting Lauren Martin. The girl that has proved to me why the world can be so great. For those of you who don't know her, don't hold yourself back. She is one of the sweetest, most caring girls I know, and I love her very, very much. But the end of this year has proven to me, that my emotions have been in control of me, instead of me taking control of my own life. I had to make a decision for myself and for her, and in the end it doesn't even feel like it makes sense.
Lauren, I'm sincerely sorry for all the pain I have put you through because of my stupid feelings, or lack of feelings towards reality. You have never done anything wrong, and you have shown me nothing but the best fucking feelings a guy can get. My heart is just telling me that something needs to change, and I have to control my life now. For those of you who didn't know, or didn't care, I've been in a complete mess the past couple of months. I have found it extremely hard to talk to anyone, because I feel completely alone. I don't know how to explain my feelings, I've never been good at it. Sometimes I don't even see a point, because whats the point when you just get called emo.
Lauren, we aren't together anymore because of my insecurity, and the extreme amount of frustration that won't leave me. Not because of you. You have changed my life, and I don't regret anything, and I'm sorry for everything. I'm willing to beg for your friendship for the rest of my life.
I've built friendships and lost some with people this year, just like every year, but I think these last 12 months have brough upon the most change in my memory of life. I want to thank everyone for taking the time to hear what I have to say sometimes, and show me the respect/kindness that I'm desperately trying to show all of you. For all of you who helped me through last year, and for everyone who will be there for me when I need it.
I haven't stopped thinking and I'm starting to realize that I feel alone because the past few months, I haven't had many people to talk to. I'm going to try my hardest to overcome this. I would especially like to thank my life for people who have been there for me, my family, my friends. All the good music it brought me, and all the good movies. All the good times, and all the bad times that will eventually help me learn about myself. I woud personally thank each and everyone of you, but my eyes are starting to hurt. If you comment, I will gladly tell you my opinion on you.
2005. (start)