just some thoughts being voiced
i really need to reevaluate my life.
i posted in my xanga a general idea of everything.. but i don't feel like posting that in here.. this is having a different purpose.
Anne Marie* huni, can you please explain stuff to me soon.. because i'm just really shocked and concerned and.. i don't understand it. i mean, like.. if you don't want to explain everything to me i understand, but could you at least tell me a little?? i just...... am really trying to understand what happened. i understand some of your frustrations and all but you loved everything so much........ i don't know. part of me gets it but the other part doesn't. i guess i'm just really shocked. i hope you are okay sweetie. just.. when you're ready can you talk to me about it?? i'm not mad at you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i'm just concerned and shocked and I LOVE YOU!!!! i'm not mad though. AT ALL!!!!! i hope everything is okay and works out. <33 "south central LA" + "you and me together forever"
Ron* you need to chill out a little.. i know you were drunk the past two times i've talked with you but you really got me upset the other night.
Katie* i don't even know where to begin. the other night you hurt me so much, and i know you probably didn't even realize it. but i came to you really upset about things... i IMed you and told you right off the bat that i was really upset and didn't know what to do or think or anything.. i really needed some help/advice/an ear to listen to me and maybe try to help... and then as soon as i told you the one thing that was bothering me you just immediately went into the whole "well since you're at a loss for words let me tell you about my night" or whatever the wording was that you used.... and then you go and say all these vague descriptions about your night that allude to things that completelyyy shock me... and when i asked "if that really happened" you restate "your statement that alluded to other things" and then said something like (can't remember exact wording) "sorry had to take advantage of you when you were most vulnerable. OUCH. i told you i wasn't thinking straight and i had no idea how to feel about anything.. you saw i was upset and you took advantage of me when i was most vulnerable???? and later i tell you about something with Ron that was bothering me and you said "yeah me and Aileen figured you did" ..Katie, you seemed shocked when i told you the other day that Ron and i talk... you obviously didn't know anything that was going on... so why did you go and talk to Aileen about it without even talking to me first to find out what was goign on???
and i don't know, i know i'm not your mom or i have to know what your plans are and where you're going and everything.. and i know we aren't as close as we used to be, but it still would have been nice if you told me you were going to NY for a few days... i don't know, i just think that if you were in my position you'd find it to be a little bit of a bitchslap yourself.
i'm sorry i didn't say this to you sooner... but i was too upset to at the time and i would have told you today but.. you're in New York.. so i kind of couldn't and this was the easiest and fastest way i could get it out..
i love you so much.. but i just really don't know what's going on anymore...
Stef* that one day at the show i was soo happy to see you, because i really did miss you...... but as soon as you heard Anne Marie was on the phone and you started screaming that stuff so she could hear it while she was on the phone... that really made me mad. i was soo excited to see you and you had to ruin it by starting shit with one of my best friends....... you could have at least had enough respect for me NOT to say anything right then. i don't know, Anne Marie always respected my friendship with you, why couldn't you respect that Anne Marie and i are friends? that was just so immature and rude to do... and i wasn't her only friend who was around when you said that. and like, she heard it too. soo yeah, i did tell her what you said but she heard you screaming it also. and so did everyyyone else. so don't say that i told her stuff you didn't say. everyone else who was there can back me up on what was said and so can she, i know she didn't hear all of it but she heard enough. if you're going to say something.. back up your words and take responsibility for it. don't try to make me seem like the liar here. i'm not a shitty friend.. i care about my friends and would do anything to help and protect them. i would do the same for you if someone was saying that shit about you.