Currently...
Apparently the last update was almost 2 months ago! I'm in a busy period :)
I have less than 6 weeks to get my thesis written. That also involves lots of time consuming experimentation and result analysis. I am now homeless. My paper to IROS2011 in San Francisco was accepted, the University has offered funding to help me get out there in September.
Personally, I think I am on the knife-edge of burnout. I don't feel fatigued. In fact I feel the most productive I have ever felt. This weekend I optimised my 2D robot simulation through the process of writing it into a graphical programming language. I solved some hefty problems and it's never been working so well. The original simulation took me months to get working!
But after I corrected and submitted my IROS paper I think I came very close to getting a cold. These things seem to happen as soon as you relax. I got an itchy throat, so powered through the weekend, refusing to take any medicinal supplements. Denial and determination are my current weapons of choice.
So I am super-charged to keep going until e/o August. Lana and I have had a few serious chats. We decided to move in to a flat together. However, I had not really put enough time aside to think about it, let alone actually finding or viewing properties. So in the end, Lana has sorted herself out the perfect position of accommodation officer with reduced rent. I think this is the best thing, as it leaves all consequence of my uncertainty post-August to influence only myself, and Lana secure for her next academic year.
We also had a few chats about my distinct lack of thoughtfulness and libido. It must be hard, as outside of the PhD I am still heavily engaged with the Rusty Squid business or side projects. It must seem like she is the lowest priority, as I seem quite able to find time for these 'other' things. But I think these other things are currently a mechanism to deny me procrastinating or relaxing. The other things keep my mind focused. I think they also keep me quarantined - as I am under no illusion that I am good company at present. So, after talking we seem much happier with the decision that I am a bastard and will be for 6 weeks. We are enjoying each others company more now, but I still start to get twitchy if I feel like I shouldn't be taking time out.
So the side projects still exist, which makes me laugh! I official withdrew my commitments, but I am currently picking up some slack from other members. I've also agreed to a 1 day art project with Emma. Logically, I know I should be investing 100% of my time into my PhD. But it is common sense that it will lead to me crashing out. So Rusty Squid offers an opportunity for me to relax and feel productive. This seems an important combination for me right now, as it keeps the time-wasting stress feeling away.
Homelessness is working out well and easy. In some respects, it is also working out to be incredibly mundane. I don't mean in the sense that it is boring (boring as in, no TV, etc), but that its not hard, challenging, or any of the things people naturally assume it would be (myself included). Its easy, cheap, satisfying and rewarding. At the moment, it feels like it is making me lead a healthier lifestyle as I don't carry the stress of possessions, missing home comforts, or considering finances. I also spend more time out, about, and living. I've also spent at least 50% of my time staying with Lana!
Writing this is forcing me to think about myself. It is making me aware that this situation is not entirely me. I have not taken many photos at all recently. I have not been playing any musical instruments. I turned down an opportunity of 4 days of swing dance in a theatre performance. I've not been dancing at all. These things are currently relegated, but I am not unhappy because of it. These things will all return in due time.
The future is still very uncertain. I am starting to get an interest in the challenge of being self-employed and free-lance. I am starting to consider marketing myself to the arts community as an electrical engineer/software developer, which is certainly a niche area of employment - probably rejected by most engineers.
Onwards! I'm planning the whole of September as a vacation. I'll come up for air around then :)
I have less than 6 weeks to get my thesis written. That also involves lots of time consuming experimentation and result analysis. I am now homeless. My paper to IROS2011 in San Francisco was accepted, the University has offered funding to help me get out there in September.
Personally, I think I am on the knife-edge of burnout. I don't feel fatigued. In fact I feel the most productive I have ever felt. This weekend I optimised my 2D robot simulation through the process of writing it into a graphical programming language. I solved some hefty problems and it's never been working so well. The original simulation took me months to get working!
But after I corrected and submitted my IROS paper I think I came very close to getting a cold. These things seem to happen as soon as you relax. I got an itchy throat, so powered through the weekend, refusing to take any medicinal supplements. Denial and determination are my current weapons of choice.
So I am super-charged to keep going until e/o August. Lana and I have had a few serious chats. We decided to move in to a flat together. However, I had not really put enough time aside to think about it, let alone actually finding or viewing properties. So in the end, Lana has sorted herself out the perfect position of accommodation officer with reduced rent. I think this is the best thing, as it leaves all consequence of my uncertainty post-August to influence only myself, and Lana secure for her next academic year.
We also had a few chats about my distinct lack of thoughtfulness and libido. It must be hard, as outside of the PhD I am still heavily engaged with the Rusty Squid business or side projects. It must seem like she is the lowest priority, as I seem quite able to find time for these 'other' things. But I think these other things are currently a mechanism to deny me procrastinating or relaxing. The other things keep my mind focused. I think they also keep me quarantined - as I am under no illusion that I am good company at present. So, after talking we seem much happier with the decision that I am a bastard and will be for 6 weeks. We are enjoying each others company more now, but I still start to get twitchy if I feel like I shouldn't be taking time out.
So the side projects still exist, which makes me laugh! I official withdrew my commitments, but I am currently picking up some slack from other members. I've also agreed to a 1 day art project with Emma. Logically, I know I should be investing 100% of my time into my PhD. But it is common sense that it will lead to me crashing out. So Rusty Squid offers an opportunity for me to relax and feel productive. This seems an important combination for me right now, as it keeps the time-wasting stress feeling away.
Homelessness is working out well and easy. In some respects, it is also working out to be incredibly mundane. I don't mean in the sense that it is boring (boring as in, no TV, etc), but that its not hard, challenging, or any of the things people naturally assume it would be (myself included). Its easy, cheap, satisfying and rewarding. At the moment, it feels like it is making me lead a healthier lifestyle as I don't carry the stress of possessions, missing home comforts, or considering finances. I also spend more time out, about, and living. I've also spent at least 50% of my time staying with Lana!
Writing this is forcing me to think about myself. It is making me aware that this situation is not entirely me. I have not taken many photos at all recently. I have not been playing any musical instruments. I turned down an opportunity of 4 days of swing dance in a theatre performance. I've not been dancing at all. These things are currently relegated, but I am not unhappy because of it. These things will all return in due time.
The future is still very uncertain. I am starting to get an interest in the challenge of being self-employed and free-lance. I am starting to consider marketing myself to the arts community as an electrical engineer/software developer, which is certainly a niche area of employment - probably rejected by most engineers.
Onwards! I'm planning the whole of September as a vacation. I'll come up for air around then :)