i feel unhappy with my body
it's me again.
So i've reached my goal weight .. the one i reached when i got out of the ED clinic but lost. How i feel about it.. heheh guess what? repulsed. I hate the way i feel and look right now. What's worse even though i can eat whatever i want, i still feel guilty for eating it. I just had some ice cream..not just like a scoop or whatever i had full blown basken and robin waffle cone with 2 scoops, one cookie dough and the other chocolate peanut butter. Ugh i just feel so FAT (i hate that word)I'm trying to lay off the junk food for a while but it hasnt been working.. Almost everynight i have ice cream or something of that sort. I can't control myself it seems... I just get these cravings! or i just end up eating something else if i refuse my body of junk food for that night. I feel like i'm overeating. My stomach pooches now,pants feel a bit tight stomache hangs over a bit of them. I just feel so diguisting!!!
What's even worse (!) is that i'm not motivated at all for exercising. After being substained from it for a year.. i'm not into it anymore. Too Lazy. It doesnt help with this self-image problem i'm having! Plus my parents will be like you can't exercise .. you have to gain weight. blah blah. ARRRRGH. I'm really thinking into this whole anorexia thing again but it's half of me the other half isnt willing to go to that stage again. I'm starting to eat healthy.. but i feel like i'm overeating. like i said before.
I'm frusterated, depressed and fat. Help me!! I need some support.
god just kill me now.
So i've reached my goal weight .. the one i reached when i got out of the ED clinic but lost. How i feel about it.. heheh guess what? repulsed. I hate the way i feel and look right now. What's worse even though i can eat whatever i want, i still feel guilty for eating it. I just had some ice cream..not just like a scoop or whatever i had full blown basken and robin waffle cone with 2 scoops, one cookie dough and the other chocolate peanut butter. Ugh i just feel so FAT (i hate that word)I'm trying to lay off the junk food for a while but it hasnt been working.. Almost everynight i have ice cream or something of that sort. I can't control myself it seems... I just get these cravings! or i just end up eating something else if i refuse my body of junk food for that night. I feel like i'm overeating. My stomach pooches now,pants feel a bit tight stomache hangs over a bit of them. I just feel so diguisting!!!
What's even worse (!) is that i'm not motivated at all for exercising. After being substained from it for a year.. i'm not into it anymore. Too Lazy. It doesnt help with this self-image problem i'm having! Plus my parents will be like you can't exercise .. you have to gain weight. blah blah. ARRRRGH. I'm really thinking into this whole anorexia thing again but it's half of me the other half isnt willing to go to that stage again. I'm starting to eat healthy.. but i feel like i'm overeating. like i said before.
I'm frusterated, depressed and fat. Help me!! I need some support.
god just kill me now.