triggering old poems. from more than a year ago to present
steve
oh betrayal how i've missed you
i cant remember what
life was like without you
they said, they said you'd never come back
whatever happened to that...huh?
dripping
fading
gripping
into this
neurotic shit
you call friendship
you're a theif a liar
ya ripped this heart
and ya threw me in the fire
ya never looked back
you say you miss me too
what the fuck do you think i am
im not a fool
...fuck you...
dripping
fading
gripping
into this
neurotic shit
you call friendship
this life is over for me
i let myself out
this aint no friendship,
this is abuse
ya gotta learn
that you're my noose
dripping
fading
gripping
into this
neurotic shit
you call friendship
im done
im done with
your
shit
I WANT
Unstable, bringing thoughts
Unleash this mind
A story untold
shades of a soul
so rotted through
lips are blue
when the soul is gone
the story unfolds
a riot ensues
the crowd of oblivion
breaks down these doors
hell invades
breaking the innocents
down to their knees
she
appears
all is calm
hell dissolves
the struggle begins
humanity rebuilds
pain never sleeps
and heaven is cold
but the foundation of humanity
remains
to be tainted
again
NEED ME
this rage bubbles over
im a cauldren of hate
crushing my heart
death is our fate
lie to me
tell me im beautiful
tell me im good enough
tell me im your daughter
why do you shut me out
feel this rage
this is what you left me
feel this angst
this is what i am
your bible and money
tore you from me
you dont give a damn
your love isnt for free
i was born so flawed
but you shouldnt care
you're supposed to be my father
this just isnt fair
feel this rage
this is what you left me
feel this angst
this is what i am
you greedy bastard
youlying tool
just because im 16 and female
doesnt mean im a fool
you made me this way
you make me grieve
you inflicted scars
and they'll never leave
i love you i hate you
you treat me like shit
you were supposed love me
god i cant stand it
i love you
i...need you.
why wont you love me
WHY WONT YOU NEED ME.
feel this rage
this is what you left me
feel this angst
this is what i am
theRapist
nostalgia rips through my griefracked mind
i miss your selfishness ya i miss those lies
i miss the way you would ignore and scold me
but i gotta move on, ya i gotta keep going...
you stupid whore
fuck your "i love you forever"s
you dont see that you're the wrong one
crushed my heart, stole my best friend
yea girl whatever happened to "friends til the end"?
where were you
while i was cryin?
you only care
only care if im dyin'
playin therapist
kid ya aint so smart
you're just a rapist
ya were from the start
turn your head and blame it on "E"
its so much easier to point that finger at me
yea well girl ya better learn right quick
i aint your fucking whipping post
you dont make this heart tick
ya im better, better off without you
of course it still hurts
but bitch im through
through with you, you and your shit
yea i gotta move on, yea i gotta keep going...
where were you
while i was cryin'?
you only care
only care if im dyin'
playin the therapist
kid ya aint so smart
you're just a rapist
ya were from the start
yea i gotta keep going...
desperately thin
gorgeous curves
all these things
i dont deserve
stretch marks
and fat is what i am
does thin equal pretty
or is it a scam?
im lost in this
reality of beauty
for girls my age
it's our main duty
it isnt fair
i'll never be that
i'm revolting to you
just cuz im fat
here is my protest
here is my cry
is it fair for womyn
to live this lie?
let me be free
of these idiotic rules
womyn have value
we arent just jewels
beauty is truth
beauty aint lies
it lies in your heart
not in your size
incohernent
more
i always want more
one tear rolling
not enough
stained my shirt
through my shirt
this skin cant hold it all in
i cant hold you in
one quick move
another shallow groove
tears seep out
red
red
why so red
bright shocking red
tears arent red
i dont understand
tears come from eyes
not from slices in your thighs
i
cant
feel
without
my tears..
Dear bright red release,
stop haunting me please
I dont need you know(yes i do)
I never did anyhow(thats a lie)
please leave me
you hurt me
FUCK THESE URGES
fuck this pain
a red teardrop
emerging from my skin
slice slice
bring it down again
take this pain
a sharp silver kiss
sweet adrenaline
pain i'll never miss
i hate you
i love you
i miss you
i want you
free me.
let me go..
sara
dripping, fading
this aint no life
listless, falling
onto this knife
bleed your soul out
the epitome of pain
press that blade down
and feel the drain
draining draining
drifting away
sobbing sobbing
theres nothing you can say
sometimes i hate you
you deserted me
claim its my fault
blind, you dont see
it was never me
who ruined this fate
it was your love for another
that drove us to hate
your selfish and ignorant
elitest and pathetic
and towards me
completely apathetic
i can do without
the likes of you
my heart will recover
in spite of you
im still sorry its over
even though you still lie
but im stronger now
so this is goodbye
goodbye
" nowhere to turn nowhere to go swallow some pills and let it all flow.drink some gas smoke a jointlife is meaningless when there isnt any point.life it too finaldeath is so openslice your flesh to clean your woundsand chant in your head 'death is coming very soon.'its so soothing until it hits you.thrashing around isnt attractive youknow."and then on the other page..."throw me away with everyone elsehit me beat me cut me bleed mejust dont make me like everyone elsestaggering beats of pain in everyones heartsand no one gives the solutionsphony mumblings to guide your waya ride to hell is free only if your soul is intactbroken souls are saved for lifefor the immortalyou cant return broken merchandiseThats what we are. We are bought and sold. Why isnt anyone buy me then. Faulty,chipped,cracked,frayed,torn.I'll never be for sale."
MY PLEA
i look to the skies and expect to see death.we are the living dead.we are the walking dead.esbestos floating through the air.hatred is in many minds.it is our cancer.we sob for our loss.we crave blood.we want your childrens blood.lets kill your kids before you kill ours.death solves death.but not in my mind.fighting for peace?this is my plea.please...show us a better way. there must be a better way.i won't kill for america or anyone else.fuck you america.we need a better way.
SALVATION
we've fallen from our false gracewith plans to destroy the human racebut killing is justified in the name of peacekill for peace and if you dont like it leave.theres no room for traitors.sing that anthem say the pledgeyou better fucking die for that flag.God says its okay to kill as long as we are protecting ourselves.Fuck Jesus and all his hippie bullshit.An eye for an eye right?FUCK THAT. Uniting against your "enemy" isn't unityit's an excuse to wipe out a problemthe problem?millions of backward terrorists.kill their children and slit their throats.FUCK THAT.Fuck you and your ethnocentric patriotism.I wont succumb to your evil ways.My friends may fall but i'll stay true.And you know what?FUCK YOUR RED WHITE AND BLUE.
the anger is surfacing im fading awayinto the hatredthat will take me somedayi try to release itthe monster insidei try to cover it upbut it refuses to hidethe deeper i go the more bright red bloodthe hatred releasedin a violent, gorey floodim pushed to my limitsmy soul will soon breakif someone doesnt help mesoon an attempt i will makenever for realalways for showswallow some codeinand let myself gocall up an ambulancepray that you might livepump your stomacha second chance they may givehide your sadnesshide your despairwear long sleevesthey cant see you thereweakening pulsequickening mindi wish i had the strengthto get out of this bindthis might be my futurei hope it isnt yoursi cant ask for helpits locked behind too many doors
oh betrayal how i've missed you
i cant remember what
life was like without you
they said, they said you'd never come back
whatever happened to that...huh?
dripping
fading
gripping
into this
neurotic shit
you call friendship
you're a theif a liar
ya ripped this heart
and ya threw me in the fire
ya never looked back
you say you miss me too
what the fuck do you think i am
im not a fool
...fuck you...
dripping
fading
gripping
into this
neurotic shit
you call friendship
this life is over for me
i let myself out
this aint no friendship,
this is abuse
ya gotta learn
that you're my noose
dripping
fading
gripping
into this
neurotic shit
you call friendship
im done
im done with
your
shit
I WANT
Unstable, bringing thoughts
Unleash this mind
A story untold
shades of a soul
so rotted through
lips are blue
when the soul is gone
the story unfolds
a riot ensues
the crowd of oblivion
breaks down these doors
hell invades
breaking the innocents
down to their knees
she
appears
all is calm
hell dissolves
the struggle begins
humanity rebuilds
pain never sleeps
and heaven is cold
but the foundation of humanity
remains
to be tainted
again
NEED ME
this rage bubbles over
im a cauldren of hate
crushing my heart
death is our fate
lie to me
tell me im beautiful
tell me im good enough
tell me im your daughter
why do you shut me out
feel this rage
this is what you left me
feel this angst
this is what i am
your bible and money
tore you from me
you dont give a damn
your love isnt for free
i was born so flawed
but you shouldnt care
you're supposed to be my father
this just isnt fair
feel this rage
this is what you left me
feel this angst
this is what i am
you greedy bastard
youlying tool
just because im 16 and female
doesnt mean im a fool
you made me this way
you make me grieve
you inflicted scars
and they'll never leave
i love you i hate you
you treat me like shit
you were supposed love me
god i cant stand it
i love you
i...need you.
why wont you love me
WHY WONT YOU NEED ME.
feel this rage
this is what you left me
feel this angst
this is what i am
theRapist
nostalgia rips through my griefracked mind
i miss your selfishness ya i miss those lies
i miss the way you would ignore and scold me
but i gotta move on, ya i gotta keep going...
you stupid whore
fuck your "i love you forever"s
you dont see that you're the wrong one
crushed my heart, stole my best friend
yea girl whatever happened to "friends til the end"?
where were you
while i was cryin?
you only care
only care if im dyin'
playin therapist
kid ya aint so smart
you're just a rapist
ya were from the start
turn your head and blame it on "E"
its so much easier to point that finger at me
yea well girl ya better learn right quick
i aint your fucking whipping post
you dont make this heart tick
ya im better, better off without you
of course it still hurts
but bitch im through
through with you, you and your shit
yea i gotta move on, yea i gotta keep going...
where were you
while i was cryin'?
you only care
only care if im dyin'
playin the therapist
kid ya aint so smart
you're just a rapist
ya were from the start
yea i gotta keep going...
desperately thin
gorgeous curves
all these things
i dont deserve
stretch marks
and fat is what i am
does thin equal pretty
or is it a scam?
im lost in this
reality of beauty
for girls my age
it's our main duty
it isnt fair
i'll never be that
i'm revolting to you
just cuz im fat
here is my protest
here is my cry
is it fair for womyn
to live this lie?
let me be free
of these idiotic rules
womyn have value
we arent just jewels
beauty is truth
beauty aint lies
it lies in your heart
not in your size
incohernent
more
i always want more
one tear rolling
not enough
stained my shirt
through my shirt
this skin cant hold it all in
i cant hold you in
one quick move
another shallow groove
tears seep out
red
red
why so red
bright shocking red
tears arent red
i dont understand
tears come from eyes
not from slices in your thighs
i
cant
feel
without
my tears..
Dear bright red release,
stop haunting me please
I dont need you know(yes i do)
I never did anyhow(thats a lie)
please leave me
you hurt me
FUCK THESE URGES
fuck this pain
a red teardrop
emerging from my skin
slice slice
bring it down again
take this pain
a sharp silver kiss
sweet adrenaline
pain i'll never miss
i hate you
i love you
i miss you
i want you
free me.
let me go..
sara
dripping, fading
this aint no life
listless, falling
onto this knife
bleed your soul out
the epitome of pain
press that blade down
and feel the drain
draining draining
drifting away
sobbing sobbing
theres nothing you can say
sometimes i hate you
you deserted me
claim its my fault
blind, you dont see
it was never me
who ruined this fate
it was your love for another
that drove us to hate
your selfish and ignorant
elitest and pathetic
and towards me
completely apathetic
i can do without
the likes of you
my heart will recover
in spite of you
im still sorry its over
even though you still lie
but im stronger now
so this is goodbye
goodbye
" nowhere to turn nowhere to go swallow some pills and let it all flow.drink some gas smoke a jointlife is meaningless when there isnt any point.life it too finaldeath is so openslice your flesh to clean your woundsand chant in your head 'death is coming very soon.'its so soothing until it hits you.thrashing around isnt attractive youknow."and then on the other page..."throw me away with everyone elsehit me beat me cut me bleed mejust dont make me like everyone elsestaggering beats of pain in everyones heartsand no one gives the solutionsphony mumblings to guide your waya ride to hell is free only if your soul is intactbroken souls are saved for lifefor the immortalyou cant return broken merchandiseThats what we are. We are bought and sold. Why isnt anyone buy me then. Faulty,chipped,cracked,frayed,torn.I'll never be for sale."
MY PLEA
i look to the skies and expect to see death.we are the living dead.we are the walking dead.esbestos floating through the air.hatred is in many minds.it is our cancer.we sob for our loss.we crave blood.we want your childrens blood.lets kill your kids before you kill ours.death solves death.but not in my mind.fighting for peace?this is my plea.please...show us a better way. there must be a better way.i won't kill for america or anyone else.fuck you america.we need a better way.
SALVATION
we've fallen from our false gracewith plans to destroy the human racebut killing is justified in the name of peacekill for peace and if you dont like it leave.theres no room for traitors.sing that anthem say the pledgeyou better fucking die for that flag.God says its okay to kill as long as we are protecting ourselves.Fuck Jesus and all his hippie bullshit.An eye for an eye right?FUCK THAT. Uniting against your "enemy" isn't unityit's an excuse to wipe out a problemthe problem?millions of backward terrorists.kill their children and slit their throats.FUCK THAT.Fuck you and your ethnocentric patriotism.I wont succumb to your evil ways.My friends may fall but i'll stay true.And you know what?FUCK YOUR RED WHITE AND BLUE.
the anger is surfacing im fading awayinto the hatredthat will take me somedayi try to release itthe monster insidei try to cover it upbut it refuses to hidethe deeper i go the more bright red bloodthe hatred releasedin a violent, gorey floodim pushed to my limitsmy soul will soon breakif someone doesnt help mesoon an attempt i will makenever for realalways for showswallow some codeinand let myself gocall up an ambulancepray that you might livepump your stomacha second chance they may givehide your sadnesshide your despairwear long sleevesthey cant see you thereweakening pulsequickening mindi wish i had the strengthto get out of this bindthis might be my futurei hope it isnt yoursi cant ask for helpits locked behind too many doors