Fandom - "Battlestar Galactica"
Title: 'One Taste'
Author: mands_angelfox
Rating: G
Genre : Angst
Pairing: None
Word Count: 805
Feedback: Constructive criticism is appreciated
Disclaimer: None of these characters are mine, I am merely borrowing them for my own twisted means and I am making no money out of this. Please don't sue me!
Spoilers: Some spoilers for "Ressurection Ship" so don't read if you've yet to see it.
Summary: Lee's considering something that he might not have considered if he hadn't faced it head on.
-----------------------------
One Taste
The emptiness of space, the bleakness of reality and the cold chill running length of spine. All these things and more have brought Lee Adama to the realisation that perhaps he doesn’t want to survive to see Earth. Perhaps he’s happy to float out there amongst the chaos with minimal hope of rescue. Funny how it’s taken this moment for him to realise he’s been holding on for all the wrong reasons.
Oxygen is smothered by a thick glove; he’s just barely keeping the air within his suit. Just keeping himself alive. Space is silent and yet he can hear every blast, every explosion as if they were happening within the comms in his ear. In a weird kind of way, the battle raging around him is beautiful. Almost like looking into a light that’s two volts too bright.
Everything’s clear to him now, life is more than what he’s made of it. Once a Captain, now a Lieutenant, he’s been stripped of rank and place. A rank he spent years earning, a rank he’s worn with pride but now it means nothing. Did it ever really mean anything to begin with? Did he even have a place on the Galactica to begin with? He was only the CAG because there wasn’t anyone else for the job.
Faces, memories and words run and turn through his mind until broken promises slice through him, fracturing an already broken soul. The cracks have formed a long time ago and had never really mended. Patchy work of repairing them throughout weeks and months had now given way under the stress of floating aimlessly through space. Nothing to hold back the onslaught, the torrent of emotion that comes around to the same point. Lee can’t do this.
Too much has happened, Lee doesn’t think he’ll be able to take anything more. The oxygen in his suit is slipping away, escaping between the gaps in his fingers and he feels as if he’s being pulled under. Instead of fighting, he lets go. He releases that tenuous grip that he has on the punctured hole in his suit and merely watches on with an indifferent stare as precious oxygen slips from suit into the vacuum of space around him.
An apology is mumbled to the deaf ears of outer space before finally the cool embrace takes him and he loses himself. Falls quicker than he’s ever fallen before. He’s done this once before, he’s sunk beneath water and just let himself delve deeper into the darkness within the water and within himself.
It’s an abyss and he’s lingering on the edge, one last breath - kiss oblivion hello and say goodbye to the man he once was. It happens quicker than he ever expected - one minute he’s there and the next he’s gone. Darkness of space funnels away vision until black is all that he sees and it’s all that he knows.
Just when he thinks it’s over, he’s being dragged back.
A silent scream echoes in a skull thundering with a million and one thoughts and a sudden heartbeat that’s been shocked back into him. He’s back, he’s alive and it’s the last place he wants to be. He’s tired of living the way that he is, tired of being Lee Adama and tired of never quite being the man that they want him to be.
Events blur into one until he’s in his rack with his back against covers and eyes staring up at the ceiling. He’s not quite there, almost as if he left a part of himself out in space. A part of him died when he accepted his fate and was at peace with it.
Kara’s there, perched on his bunk and looking at him with the apprehension of a person that can’t quite understand what’s happened to change an old reliable friend into someone else.
Lee’s supposed to be the one constant in the frakked up world of Captain Kara Thrace but the man lying on the bunk is not the Lee she knows, he’s a shadow and it scares her. They talk, share awkward conversation and she’s lost for words. She’s not used to be the one doing the asking, not used to being the one that has to have a good word.
He’s breathing, chest is lifting as air is drawn into lungs that still ache and he can’t help but think that it feels wrong. He shouldn’t be breathing, he should be dead - he wanted to die. That’s the really scary thing; Lee didn’t want to come back. Everything’s changed, he isn’t about to pretend otherwise. He experienced a side to himself he thought he had left behind all those years ago.
Lee knows that nothing will be the same, not now that he’s had a taste of death and liked it.
Author: mands_angelfox
Rating: G
Genre : Angst
Pairing: None
Word Count: 805
Feedback: Constructive criticism is appreciated
Disclaimer: None of these characters are mine, I am merely borrowing them for my own twisted means and I am making no money out of this. Please don't sue me!
Spoilers: Some spoilers for "Ressurection Ship" so don't read if you've yet to see it.
Summary: Lee's considering something that he might not have considered if he hadn't faced it head on.
-----------------------------
One Taste
The emptiness of space, the bleakness of reality and the cold chill running length of spine. All these things and more have brought Lee Adama to the realisation that perhaps he doesn’t want to survive to see Earth. Perhaps he’s happy to float out there amongst the chaos with minimal hope of rescue. Funny how it’s taken this moment for him to realise he’s been holding on for all the wrong reasons.
Oxygen is smothered by a thick glove; he’s just barely keeping the air within his suit. Just keeping himself alive. Space is silent and yet he can hear every blast, every explosion as if they were happening within the comms in his ear. In a weird kind of way, the battle raging around him is beautiful. Almost like looking into a light that’s two volts too bright.
Everything’s clear to him now, life is more than what he’s made of it. Once a Captain, now a Lieutenant, he’s been stripped of rank and place. A rank he spent years earning, a rank he’s worn with pride but now it means nothing. Did it ever really mean anything to begin with? Did he even have a place on the Galactica to begin with? He was only the CAG because there wasn’t anyone else for the job.
Faces, memories and words run and turn through his mind until broken promises slice through him, fracturing an already broken soul. The cracks have formed a long time ago and had never really mended. Patchy work of repairing them throughout weeks and months had now given way under the stress of floating aimlessly through space. Nothing to hold back the onslaught, the torrent of emotion that comes around to the same point. Lee can’t do this.
Too much has happened, Lee doesn’t think he’ll be able to take anything more. The oxygen in his suit is slipping away, escaping between the gaps in his fingers and he feels as if he’s being pulled under. Instead of fighting, he lets go. He releases that tenuous grip that he has on the punctured hole in his suit and merely watches on with an indifferent stare as precious oxygen slips from suit into the vacuum of space around him.
An apology is mumbled to the deaf ears of outer space before finally the cool embrace takes him and he loses himself. Falls quicker than he’s ever fallen before. He’s done this once before, he’s sunk beneath water and just let himself delve deeper into the darkness within the water and within himself.
It’s an abyss and he’s lingering on the edge, one last breath - kiss oblivion hello and say goodbye to the man he once was. It happens quicker than he ever expected - one minute he’s there and the next he’s gone. Darkness of space funnels away vision until black is all that he sees and it’s all that he knows.
Just when he thinks it’s over, he’s being dragged back.
A silent scream echoes in a skull thundering with a million and one thoughts and a sudden heartbeat that’s been shocked back into him. He’s back, he’s alive and it’s the last place he wants to be. He’s tired of living the way that he is, tired of being Lee Adama and tired of never quite being the man that they want him to be.
Events blur into one until he’s in his rack with his back against covers and eyes staring up at the ceiling. He’s not quite there, almost as if he left a part of himself out in space. A part of him died when he accepted his fate and was at peace with it.
Kara’s there, perched on his bunk and looking at him with the apprehension of a person that can’t quite understand what’s happened to change an old reliable friend into someone else.
Lee’s supposed to be the one constant in the frakked up world of Captain Kara Thrace but the man lying on the bunk is not the Lee she knows, he’s a shadow and it scares her. They talk, share awkward conversation and she’s lost for words. She’s not used to be the one doing the asking, not used to being the one that has to have a good word.
He’s breathing, chest is lifting as air is drawn into lungs that still ache and he can’t help but think that it feels wrong. He shouldn’t be breathing, he should be dead - he wanted to die. That’s the really scary thing; Lee didn’t want to come back. Everything’s changed, he isn’t about to pretend otherwise. He experienced a side to himself he thought he had left behind all those years ago.
Lee knows that nothing will be the same, not now that he’s had a taste of death and liked it.