We Hope That You Choke
I've never believed anyone who has said they are not afraid of Death. Perhaps they cheat by never fearing Death, but then again that's only one form of embracing Death. I came really close, the closest I've ever been to letting the prospect of Death glaze my eyes over, and I don't think I've ever been more scared. Human intellect always sparks negative feelings of Death before the positive. Before one speaks of Heaven or Reincarnation (two forms of being that I believe exist, but not in the way that any of you can interpret it as free of generic religion), one has a type of mental flinch at the idea of losing. their. life. To know that the sights,sounds, smells, tastes, feelings of life will be gone from your material grasp. To collide head on with the fact that what you are living for will never be achieved to your satisfaction, you will always regret something. Always? I'm sure I am wrong, but I'm even more sure that it doesn't make a difference. Regardless, you realize and confess this to yourself, and then begin to check yourself. Check to do everything you wish at that very moment. To hide restrain lie fake is unhappy death. But like everything else, the state doesn't stay fresh. The edges wear and the color fades, you still love it and look out for it, but living kills it. One would assume this cold realization would ignite a need to always be active, out there hitting everything with all your love, but I find it to be a different case. I have found a new karma because of it. I find myself OK with the nothingness that some days hand me, as long as a cling to my karma, my realizations, my confessions, my truths, my mottos, my directives, my stimuli. It gets me through OK, but it won't ever prepare me, or any of us. I can only hope till I cry that there can be something else. My dog is having a bad dream, she is clamping her jaw violently and shaking. I will wake her. I have said the word 'realizations' numerous times in this confession. But I'll never fully realize the calamity of life.