(no subject)
You know, I miss my father so much. I've not been talking to him for eight solid months. As in proper talking. I ignore him. I answer his questions in rude manners - plainly yes or no. I snap at him. I roll my eyes when he tries to talk to me. Yes, I know I'm fucking sinful.
I don't understand why I'm doing these to him. My mother once told me that my father used to cry because I'm ignoring him. And guess what. I just laughed. Yes, I laughed without feeling guilty. I don't hate him you know. I love him, yes I do. But I don't know. I really, really don't.
God, please tell me that I'm going to hell. (So that I can forgive my father and talk to him - like the old days.)
I miss my father. I remember how close we used to be. How we used to share almost everything. How we used to finish each other's sentences. How we used to read the other's mind. How we used to watch late night shows eg america's home funniest video and laugh like there's no tomorrow. How we used to sing loudly in the car. How we used to play scissors paper stone when we were bored. How he used to send me sweet text messages telling me it's alright when I got scolded by my mother. How he used to call me up everytime asking how I was. How he used to switch off the lights and crack some jokes before I went to bed. All those things we did together. All those things he did to me.
But everything changed after one incident. And I over reacted. Well, he accidentally opened my door when I was changing. The word accidentally tells everything. But no. I was so mad at him and I didn't talk to him at all. Yes, until now. I'm a bad daughter huh? I deserve to be shot to death. Or be stabbed at the back. Come on, I'm his only daughter. His only child. He has nobody else to joke with. Noboby to send text messages to. His only daughter is not talking to him. Wow.
And you know what. I feel nothing now. Get me right, I don't hate him okay. I miss him so effing much. But. Yes, there are always buts. Okay God, take me to hell.
Happy Fathers' Day Ayah.
I don't understand why I'm doing these to him. My mother once told me that my father used to cry because I'm ignoring him. And guess what. I just laughed. Yes, I laughed without feeling guilty. I don't hate him you know. I love him, yes I do. But I don't know. I really, really don't.
God, please tell me that I'm going to hell. (So that I can forgive my father and talk to him - like the old days.)
I miss my father. I remember how close we used to be. How we used to share almost everything. How we used to finish each other's sentences. How we used to read the other's mind. How we used to watch late night shows eg america's home funniest video and laugh like there's no tomorrow. How we used to sing loudly in the car. How we used to play scissors paper stone when we were bored. How he used to send me sweet text messages telling me it's alright when I got scolded by my mother. How he used to call me up everytime asking how I was. How he used to switch off the lights and crack some jokes before I went to bed. All those things we did together. All those things he did to me.
But everything changed after one incident. And I over reacted. Well, he accidentally opened my door when I was changing. The word accidentally tells everything. But no. I was so mad at him and I didn't talk to him at all. Yes, until now. I'm a bad daughter huh? I deserve to be shot to death. Or be stabbed at the back. Come on, I'm his only daughter. His only child. He has nobody else to joke with. Noboby to send text messages to. His only daughter is not talking to him. Wow.
And you know what. I feel nothing now. Get me right, I don't hate him okay. I miss him so effing much. But. Yes, there are always buts. Okay God, take me to hell.
Happy Fathers' Day Ayah.