(no subject)

[_purple_star_]

ive been soo upset all day..i hate to say it but i think ive been around john so much and stuff that when he leaves i jus kinda fall apart..i really really miss him..its not jus another silly crush or somethin..hes a keeper and hes practically the only real friend i have up here and i really dont know what i wouldve done all year without him right by my side and i hope i helped him too..we were in the same situation..being new and both our dads were on the wrong track..and i wish i could help john more with everything that happend..i just want him to be happy--he seems to be havin fun with kaity and krissy..i duno what theyre doin though..we've only talked a couple times and i talked to somebody earlier who i hadnt talked to in a while..and it made me happy at first but then i just got really sad cause of all the things we wanted before i moved and he brought up breakin up with john and stuff and i jus cant even consider that..it kinda made me mad that all he was thinkin about was himself and i know a while back i wanted to be with him too but that was under different circumstances..i though he was the perfect guy but now i think i know hes the perfect guy for someone else..i think ive found the perfect guy for me but i cant tell him that..i jus duno what to do..cause this guy was such a good friend before all the relationship factors came in and then after i moved it jus got worse...its like he doesnt even wanna be friends anymore if we cant go out and i dont want that..i dont know whether to avoid him or what

i duno but im really not myself right now..i duno if its jus cause i miss john or if im really goin crazy