when i awake.i promise.this.you.you will be real.
I kissed a miserable boy who tastes of cigarettes
old records in the background
and scars across his wrists
a lip so innocent pierced
a mind so jaded confused and lost
I shuddered at his touch
"undress"
he said as he held up my un-tainted face
pulled at my skirt
I faltered, felt my legs begin to shake.
so this is what its like to be weak
I wish I was your first.…heartache
I wish I was the reason
you try to die in dreams
please
write a song about me
surprise me
touch my arms
kiss me when I’m crying.
I wanted to break you then
Make you feel what I feel when im scared at night
sick to my stomach because I cant pretend
Its nice to imagine what its like to be in your arms
ill never fill that space
Its so taken up by imitation anxiety, fragile bodies and
Memories you try to hard to erase.
corruption loves that you cynically smirk
and randomly appear
wish that you could only suffer
and realize im here
….Your made pathetic by that single falling tear
maybe you could look past the thought that you like me for the wrong reason
the way I feel right here
on this wreck of sex is more disastrous then your last poison
that time it took you
ten hours
to go back.
and realize. I was gone.
Our illusion of saying I love you is so utterly hopeless,
flawed.
Made bitter by purity
Disgusting, TORN.