reality sucks
I could have lived without a reality check.
I'm as prepared as i think that I could have been.
I've spent the last few months, being more than excited about moving out, I've spent little time thinking about anything else. And the deal I'm getting is really more than I could have hoped for. A house, for one, not an apartment, tiny maybe, but I can keep my dog, I can paint the walls, I don't have neightbors above and below me so, good. Completely remolded, better. Only $400.00 a month, utilities included and cable, best. I have all my furniture, and more, I have enough money in the bank for the first month, I'm really in pretty good shape, and I haven't stopped thinking about how great it's gonna be since it's what I decided I wanted.
But the house that was supposed to have been remolded by June 1, now won't be remolded until July 1. And My parents had to leave to day, which was just horrible, I cried, and cried, and I didn't even expect all of that. Then we have to wear these badge things at work that have our name and crap on them these plastic things, and mine came up missing. And they said well you can't work without a badge, and I told Mr. Maxwell (this asshole who hates us, but who gets to decide everything we can and can't do) you need one, so as soon as he gets you one made (which btw would take 2 minutes) then you can come back to work. I find this out today. The day my parents leave and I have to stay with my mom's friend, which isn't bad, except that I have to buy food, which i now have no money for unless I use the money that I have saved in the bank. great news. well.. food wouldn't have been an issue either becuase I was going to stay at erics house, and sleep in his brothers room and just leave my stuff in erics room, until that is his mom insisted that my stuff go upstairs because it really botherer her my stuff being in his room like that, So i told eric just forget it i'll just stay with my mom's friend. So I am, and it's not bad, she gave me keys to the house, and the pool and said I can come and go as I please and what not that i'm an adult, so yeah.
But I have cried so much today, reality is that you can never dream what things will be like, and expect them to be that way.
I felt like I would be sad either way. I really agonized over this decision because I used to cry myself to sleep at night thinking what life would be like without me being able to see eric, and how much I would miss him, but now I am kind of thinking, that this one big thing I did to keep us together, may force us to grow apart. I mean, I was upset today, he never saw me crying, but he just doesn't get it, and i'm thinking, we're going to be living completely different lives now. And I don't want to be the only grown up in this relationship, I mean today, I told him about the whole food thing, and he said oh and started playing a video game. HE is nearly two years older than me.
I'm sure things will get better, they usually do. I really hope they will, because if they don't, and if it ends up that I'm the only one doing anything to make this relationship work, I'll just move to Kansas, get an apartment there, and you know, start to move on with my life, because most days I feel like I'm kinda over he whole "my parents aren't home" thing, I'm kinda ready to move on to the "let's go home.." thing.
Does that make any sense?
Does any of this?
Does anything.....?
I'm as prepared as i think that I could have been.
I've spent the last few months, being more than excited about moving out, I've spent little time thinking about anything else. And the deal I'm getting is really more than I could have hoped for. A house, for one, not an apartment, tiny maybe, but I can keep my dog, I can paint the walls, I don't have neightbors above and below me so, good. Completely remolded, better. Only $400.00 a month, utilities included and cable, best. I have all my furniture, and more, I have enough money in the bank for the first month, I'm really in pretty good shape, and I haven't stopped thinking about how great it's gonna be since it's what I decided I wanted.
But the house that was supposed to have been remolded by June 1, now won't be remolded until July 1. And My parents had to leave to day, which was just horrible, I cried, and cried, and I didn't even expect all of that. Then we have to wear these badge things at work that have our name and crap on them these plastic things, and mine came up missing. And they said well you can't work without a badge, and I told Mr. Maxwell (this asshole who hates us, but who gets to decide everything we can and can't do) you need one, so as soon as he gets you one made (which btw would take 2 minutes) then you can come back to work. I find this out today. The day my parents leave and I have to stay with my mom's friend, which isn't bad, except that I have to buy food, which i now have no money for unless I use the money that I have saved in the bank. great news. well.. food wouldn't have been an issue either becuase I was going to stay at erics house, and sleep in his brothers room and just leave my stuff in erics room, until that is his mom insisted that my stuff go upstairs because it really botherer her my stuff being in his room like that, So i told eric just forget it i'll just stay with my mom's friend. So I am, and it's not bad, she gave me keys to the house, and the pool and said I can come and go as I please and what not that i'm an adult, so yeah.
But I have cried so much today, reality is that you can never dream what things will be like, and expect them to be that way.
I felt like I would be sad either way. I really agonized over this decision because I used to cry myself to sleep at night thinking what life would be like without me being able to see eric, and how much I would miss him, but now I am kind of thinking, that this one big thing I did to keep us together, may force us to grow apart. I mean, I was upset today, he never saw me crying, but he just doesn't get it, and i'm thinking, we're going to be living completely different lives now. And I don't want to be the only grown up in this relationship, I mean today, I told him about the whole food thing, and he said oh and started playing a video game. HE is nearly two years older than me.
I'm sure things will get better, they usually do. I really hope they will, because if they don't, and if it ends up that I'm the only one doing anything to make this relationship work, I'll just move to Kansas, get an apartment there, and you know, start to move on with my life, because most days I feel like I'm kinda over he whole "my parents aren't home" thing, I'm kinda ready to move on to the "let's go home.." thing.
Does that make any sense?
Does any of this?
Does anything.....?