Caught in a Fantasy
Is it dangerous when a fantasy starts to become better than reality? Perhaps it is, but sometimes I just don't care. Reality can get too real sometimes, it's good to escape, good to get away from life and just drift off into my imagination. Sometimes I don't really want to come back. I've done that a lot lately. Just drifted into my imagination with no intention of returning and no real reason for venturing there in the first place. I always come back though. No matter how much I do not want to.
I've been really moody lately and there is no reason why I should be. Not quite depressed but kind of down. It's reflecting in everything I do; the new layout for example, as well as a lot of posts lately. In fact I was in one of these moods this morning while creating this layout. It's my first real attempt besides a background and I'm quite happy with it. It's something to be happy about at least. Something I wrote in a post the other day has stayed with me since then and it was almost a week ago. "Perhaps sometimes it is safer to get sick, away from the company of those whom you love than to stay with them and get sick of their company". I was role playing with Kovie for the first time when I posted that, and now it seems even more true to me. I am not getting physically sick, but mentally. Mentally tired of my normal routine; of my normal life. And so I am thinking about taking a break away from everyone so I do not get sick of them too. Of course, I will not bludge off school in order t do this, but perhaps just stay away from the internet side of my life; msn and trios, until I feel as though I can get back to how things were without feeling somewhat bored and unfullfilled. I will use this journal as a way of communicating if I wish to do so; I haven't posted in here much before though.
I think I wish to be caught in a fantasy for some time; escape into "Oce Upon a Time" and create my own adventures, For I know that everything will go back to how it was in the end. It always does. I wrote a poem a few months ago, and that is how I feel right now;
Like a princess caught in a fairytale
In a castle caught in a globe
Shake up her life
Make it beautiful
Let the snow fall
Everything settles in the end
I am that princess and I am caught in this globe that we call life. I'm waiting for someone to come along and shake my life around; turn it upside down and let the snow fall, making everything beautiful for me. But I know that everything will go back to normal in the end. I suppose that doesn' stop me wanting it to happen though. The roses thorns does not keep us from holding them after all.
My writing has not been improving, only getting worse. This upsets me greatly for writing is the one thing that keeps me sane in the totally insane world. Without having that as an escape I am slowly going crazy. I know I cold just write anyway. If I am going crazy whats to keep me from writing? Well there is the fact that I know I am no longer writing as well as I know I can. Other's may not be able to see that, but I can and that stops me from writing. I do not wish for people to see me getting worse and worse, I'd rather them remember me as i was before i started to suck majorly.
While I'm on about writing, I shall mention school expo which is this Tuesday night. I am performing a play for drama there. It is called "Once Upon a Mental Time" and I wrote it myself. It is basically Fairytale characters going crazy. Very fun to act and it was very fun to write aswell. I'm very excited, I haven't performed this good in a long time. Nor have I been this good at art. My work is really starting to have an impact on not only me but other people too. For our latest task we had to pick an event or issue in the past 10 years. I chose to do the Rwanadan Genocide after seeing the movie 'Hotel Rwanda'. We have to do a solar etching print and my design is something I'm really proud of; http://i8.photobucket.com/albums/a16/poetic_delusion/rwanda.jpg
As for english, I found out that I am still coming first in the year which I'm thrilled about, it is the one subject that I care how I do in. We are currently studying Australian Identity and had to write a poem or narrative on this. Mine was called Coming Home and can be found behind the cut.
In the meentime I must head off. Harry Potter came out on Thurdsday, I have seen it twice now, and cried in both viewings which was not surprising. It is well made even if it does stray from the books and is incredibly fast. That is understandable though; it is a bloody big book.
Now I am really going. Goodbye my silent friend; I wish you many happy years, and to any viewer's hidden in the shadow's, the same is wished to you and I thankyou for reading the thoughts of a confused and perhaps too emotionally deep fourteen year old girl. Goodnight, pleasant dreams, I will see you again soon. ~Longing to fly~ Phoebe xoxoxoxo ♥
With two feet planted in the sea
The world around me thrusts and spins
It’s fast paced motion leaves me still
The calm blue water; all is still.
The ocean mist sprays in the air
The salt; I taste it on my tongue
It hits me; I remember now
I’ve been here; I remember now.
The sand; it shifts under my feet
So hot it feels to touch
I wander; so familiar now
The sand is so familiar now.
I turn the corner; a familiar street
So many times, this path I’ve seen
I take one step; I know the way
I’m coming home; I know the way.
Nature beckons; calls to me
As I stand here waiting at its door
The leaves; they whisper; I know them well
The birds they’re chanting; I know them well.
The sun is gone; the air is wet
The smell of life is strong
I sit down here; the earth is cool
The forest floor; the earth is cool
The river; laps against the bank
The water; calm and clear
I hear it now; that rushing sound
It soothes me now; that rushing sound
My tired feet can’t take much more
My hat brim’s streaked with sweat
I pull myself up; I must go on
I’m almost there; I must go on.
I take slow steps; the sun is hot
It hits my bare back like a blaze
The horizon shimmers in the heat
The land, it crumbles; in the heat.
I see it now; the home I knew
It aged with time like me
Our neighbours were so far away
Why did I go so far away?
I climb the front steps and knock on the door
I lived here so long ago
The door opens; I’m home
My heart beats faster; I’m home
I've been really moody lately and there is no reason why I should be. Not quite depressed but kind of down. It's reflecting in everything I do; the new layout for example, as well as a lot of posts lately. In fact I was in one of these moods this morning while creating this layout. It's my first real attempt besides a background and I'm quite happy with it. It's something to be happy about at least. Something I wrote in a post the other day has stayed with me since then and it was almost a week ago. "Perhaps sometimes it is safer to get sick, away from the company of those whom you love than to stay with them and get sick of their company". I was role playing with Kovie for the first time when I posted that, and now it seems even more true to me. I am not getting physically sick, but mentally. Mentally tired of my normal routine; of my normal life. And so I am thinking about taking a break away from everyone so I do not get sick of them too. Of course, I will not bludge off school in order t do this, but perhaps just stay away from the internet side of my life; msn and trios, until I feel as though I can get back to how things were without feeling somewhat bored and unfullfilled. I will use this journal as a way of communicating if I wish to do so; I haven't posted in here much before though.
I think I wish to be caught in a fantasy for some time; escape into "Oce Upon a Time" and create my own adventures, For I know that everything will go back to how it was in the end. It always does. I wrote a poem a few months ago, and that is how I feel right now;
Like a princess caught in a fairytale
In a castle caught in a globe
Shake up her life
Make it beautiful
Let the snow fall
Everything settles in the end
I am that princess and I am caught in this globe that we call life. I'm waiting for someone to come along and shake my life around; turn it upside down and let the snow fall, making everything beautiful for me. But I know that everything will go back to normal in the end. I suppose that doesn' stop me wanting it to happen though. The roses thorns does not keep us from holding them after all.
My writing has not been improving, only getting worse. This upsets me greatly for writing is the one thing that keeps me sane in the totally insane world. Without having that as an escape I am slowly going crazy. I know I cold just write anyway. If I am going crazy whats to keep me from writing? Well there is the fact that I know I am no longer writing as well as I know I can. Other's may not be able to see that, but I can and that stops me from writing. I do not wish for people to see me getting worse and worse, I'd rather them remember me as i was before i started to suck majorly.
While I'm on about writing, I shall mention school expo which is this Tuesday night. I am performing a play for drama there. It is called "Once Upon a Mental Time" and I wrote it myself. It is basically Fairytale characters going crazy. Very fun to act and it was very fun to write aswell. I'm very excited, I haven't performed this good in a long time. Nor have I been this good at art. My work is really starting to have an impact on not only me but other people too. For our latest task we had to pick an event or issue in the past 10 years. I chose to do the Rwanadan Genocide after seeing the movie 'Hotel Rwanda'. We have to do a solar etching print and my design is something I'm really proud of; http://i8.photobucket.com/albums/a16/poetic_delusion/rwanda.jpg
As for english, I found out that I am still coming first in the year which I'm thrilled about, it is the one subject that I care how I do in. We are currently studying Australian Identity and had to write a poem or narrative on this. Mine was called Coming Home and can be found behind the cut.
In the meentime I must head off. Harry Potter came out on Thurdsday, I have seen it twice now, and cried in both viewings which was not surprising. It is well made even if it does stray from the books and is incredibly fast. That is understandable though; it is a bloody big book.
Now I am really going. Goodbye my silent friend; I wish you many happy years, and to any viewer's hidden in the shadow's, the same is wished to you and I thankyou for reading the thoughts of a confused and perhaps too emotionally deep fourteen year old girl. Goodnight, pleasant dreams, I will see you again soon. ~Longing to fly~ Phoebe xoxoxoxo ♥
With two feet planted in the sea
The world around me thrusts and spins
It’s fast paced motion leaves me still
The calm blue water; all is still.
The ocean mist sprays in the air
The salt; I taste it on my tongue
It hits me; I remember now
I’ve been here; I remember now.
The sand; it shifts under my feet
So hot it feels to touch
I wander; so familiar now
The sand is so familiar now.
I turn the corner; a familiar street
So many times, this path I’ve seen
I take one step; I know the way
I’m coming home; I know the way.
Nature beckons; calls to me
As I stand here waiting at its door
The leaves; they whisper; I know them well
The birds they’re chanting; I know them well.
The sun is gone; the air is wet
The smell of life is strong
I sit down here; the earth is cool
The forest floor; the earth is cool
The river; laps against the bank
The water; calm and clear
I hear it now; that rushing sound
It soothes me now; that rushing sound
My tired feet can’t take much more
My hat brim’s streaked with sweat
I pull myself up; I must go on
I’m almost there; I must go on.
I take slow steps; the sun is hot
It hits my bare back like a blaze
The horizon shimmers in the heat
The land, it crumbles; in the heat.
I see it now; the home I knew
It aged with time like me
Our neighbours were so far away
Why did I go so far away?
I climb the front steps and knock on the door
I lived here so long ago
The door opens; I’m home
My heart beats faster; I’m home