INVASION - Chapters 8-10
Chapter Eight
For the first time since he’s moved back to Pittsburgh, Justin is hanging out with Daphne. They’re sitting on the porch outside, watching Gus and Daphne’s daughter, Lauren, play on the sturdy swing set at the far end of the yard. Their giggles and shrieks echo sharply, making Daphne and Justin smile and roll their eyes.
“God,” Justin moans, pulling out a cigarette. “Everything’s so simple for children.”
Daphne reaches out to smack the cigarette out of his mouth. After giving Justin a stern look when he huffs at the loss, Daphne smiles and asks knowingly, “Why? I thought you said you were ready for, and I quote, ‘the simplicity of Pittsburgh’ after so much drama in California. Is life not treating you well, Justin?”
The teasing tone in her voice irks Justin and he groans, leaning back on his hands and lifting his head to the sky. Daphne studies Justin intently, seeing his eyes move back and forth behind his closed lids. She watches as he shakes his head slowly and pouts.
“Oooh. There’s a man involved! Come on! Dish it out!” Daphne leans into Justin, cornering him between the porch and her soft body.
Justin laughs nervously. “There’s no one, Daph.”
“Mm hmm.”
“There isn’t!”
“Sure, Justin.” She does that annoying thing where she pats his knee like he’s a child in need of comforting. She knows how much it pisses him off.
“I’m serious!”
Instead of answering, Daphne allows a small smile to play on her lips. He watches as her smile slowly grows. “Is he hot?”
Justin shakes his head in frustration.
“So, he’s not? Is he a troll?”
“No, he beauti--” Realizing that he fell for her trick, Justin claps a hand over his mouth and closes his eyes.
Daphne jumps up from her seat. “I knew it! I so knew it! Who is he? Where’d you meet him?”
Tugging at the hem of her skirt, Justin says, “Shut the fuck up, Daph! God. Be quiet!”
“What? There isn’t anyone here but me, you, and the kids.”
“Just... shhhh... okay?”
“Fine.” Daphne sits down. They’re silent and Justin’s happy for the reprieve. “What’s his name?”
Groaning, Justin peeks at her through half closed eyes. “You’re not gonna let this go, are you?”
“Nope. So, you might as well tell me everything.”
*****
“So, let me get this straight--”
Justin snorts at his friend’s choice of words.
“Okay, not ‘straight,’ but... gah! Fuck it. You know what I mean. So, he said some really mean shit, but then admits to saying it because he’s scared? And when I say scared, I mean scared of you? Of what you represent? And now you guys are like, really good friends?”
“For the most part.”
“But he likes you right? I mean, like... in a non-platonic way?”
“God. I don’t know. I mean, sometimes I think that he does. But, other times... I think he just wants a friend who understands him; who lets him be himself without any of the usual bullshit the rest of his friends put him through.”
“But.. that’s sooooo not you. It’s obvious you’ve already strung him though a hell of a lot more than he’s been known to put up with. Why do you think that is?”
“Well, ‘cause he likes me as a friend, of course. I mean, we get along really well.”
“But you guys don’t fuck?”
“Nope.”
“Kiss?”
“Just that once.”
“Damn.”
“Yeah.”
“So, it’s kinda like your relationship with me, then, right?”
Justin lets out a bark of laughter. “Uh, no. Not quite.”
Pouting, Daphne asks, “Why not?”
“‘Cause I don’t want to suck your hard hot cock.”
“Oh. This is true.”
Gus runs up to Justin and hands him a weed that he found in the grass. “It’s pretty. Like you.” The boy smiles and claps his hands when Justin places it behind his ear.
“He’s a charmer,” Daphne giggles, pointing at how silly Justin looks with the weed adorning his hair.
“Just like his dad.”
They watch as the kids play on the slide. They slide, one after another, on their stomachs, shrieking like banshees.
“He such a good kid,” Daphne nods to Gus. “He’s so... comfortable with being a kid, you know? Like, he knows his boundaries and works with them.”
“He’s just a kid, Daph.”
Daphne shrugs her shoulders. “He’s very handsome.”
“He gets that from his dad, too.”
A wailing from Jenny’s baby monitor tells them that it’s time for lunch. Reluctantly, the two friends call the active children into the house, hoping that lunch will calm them enough for a short nap.
*****
After effectively putting Gus and Lauren down for their afternoon naps, Justin and Daphne are watching the television quietly. The door bell rings, making the two friends jump.
“Expecting anyone?” Daphne asks, getting up with Jenny in her arms and following Justin to the door.
Justin cracks open the door and his face breaks out in a gigantic smile. “Brian!” He opens the door wider. “I didn’t know you were coming!”
Unnoticed, Daphne takes a moment to check Brian out. So far, so good, she thinks as her eyes graze his toned body and beautiful face. Very good, she smiles devilishly to herself. Clearing her throat, Daphne steps up to them.
“Oh! Brian,” Justin begins. “This is my best friend, Daphne.” The two look each other up and down openly. “Daphne, this is Brian.”
Brian is the first to extend his hand. “I’ve heard so much about you,” he smiles.
“Likewise,” Daphne grins. They both stare pointedly at Justin.
“You’ve been talking about me, Sunshine?” Brian asks, his face completely serious, but his voice full of mirth.
“Sunshine?!”
“Yeah. My best friend’s mom called him that one day and it... sort of stuck,” Brian explains, rubbing his hand on the back of his neck in slight embarrassment. Justin’s eyes wander to that hand and can’t help but think of other things it could rub. His cheeks redden a bit and he turn away abruptly, wandering back to the living room.
“It fits you, Justin. Or should I say, Suuuuuunshine,” Daphne drawls out. She looks at Brian and the two of them immediately crack up.
“God,” Justin groans. “I knew it would be a bad idea if you two met.”
*****
A half an hour later, Brian and Daphne are hollering with laughter at Justin’s expense.
“And then,” Daphne finishes her story, “He has the nerve to call me that night and lie his ass off! Not knowing, of course, that I saw them! I fucking saw them, Brian!”
Brian’s eyes are wide with humor as he tries to stifle his laughter. “Slick move, Justin.” He bites his bottom lip to keep from laughing more after Justin flips him off.
“I could tell you a shit load of stories about Daphne,” Justin begins, glaring at his friend.
“But, Suuuunshine,” Daphne sighs, “Brian doesn’t know me like he knows you. It wouldn’t be as fun.”
“But--”
“She’s right, Suuuuunshine,” Brian agrees.
Their laughter dies down and they sit in comfortable silence for a long time. Daphne keeps shooting furtive glances between Brian and Justin, trying desperately to figure out their relationship.
“So, Daphne,” Brian begins, breaking the silence. “You’ve heard mine and you know Justin’s, what’s yours?”
“Oh,” Daphne’s cheeks twinge red. “It was Justin. I asked. He agreed.”
“Really?” Brian’s eyebrows shoot off his forehead. “And that didn’t cause any... uh... problems?”
“Oh, it caused plenty,” Justin says before Daphne can even think of a response. “For one thing, Daphne insisted that she loved me and wanted me to be her boyfriend.” He leans back into the couch cushions, happy to finally have some dirt to dish out on his friend.
Brian looks at Daphne who’s blushing madly and then at Justin, who’s grinning happily. “Musta been good, then, huh, Sunshine?”
“Oh,” Justin answers, looking Brian straight into the eye. “I’m the best.”
“Gross,” Daphne mutters. “Get a room.”
Justin shoots Daphne a heated glare. A look which doesn’t go unnoticed by Brian. Before Brian can fulfill his duty of changing the subject, a sheepish Gus enters the room.
“Hey, Sonny Boy,” Brian smiles at his son, who refuses to get any closer than a few feet of them, despite his father’s welcoming arms. “What’s the matter?” Brian asks, worry in his voice.
Daphne watches Brian easily slip into father mode and can’t help but like the man.
“I went potty,” Gus whispers, quickly looking away from Daphne and Justin in embarrassment.
“We all do,” Brian explains, getting up. “It’s natural.”
“In the bed,” Gus told his father pointedly.
“Oh...” Brian pauses as his mind wraps around this new information. “Oooohhh.”
Getting up quickly, Justin says, “I’ll take care of it.”
But before he can reach Gus, Brian holds up a hand to stop him. “No. That’s okay. I’ll take care of it. I used to wet the bed, too. Poor kid. It’s probably hereditary. The first time I did it, though, my dad smacked me across my face with my baseball mitt and made me stay up all night and wash the sheets by hand.” Daphne’s mouth drops in alarm. Brian turns to look at them, “This is my chance to make it right, you know? Do what my father never did?” He picks up his wet son and carries him out of the room.”
“I think I’m in love,” Daphne sighs, leaning back and placing her heart over her hand.
“Too bad!” Justin snaps before turning bright red and hiding his face in his hands. “Oh my God, Daph. I’m sorry. God. I know you’re kidding. I mean, he’s most emphatically gay.”
“Oh man, Justin,” Daphne starts, getting up to sit next to him. “You have it so bad!”
Justin shakes his head for a moment, then looks out at Daphne from over his fingertips. “Yeah,” he finally sighs. “I know.”
*****
It’s late. Brian and Justin are sitting on the couch in the living room, admiring the mess two children can make in a mere two hours.
“I like Daphne. She’s got... spunk,” Brian tells Justin, kicking one of Gus’ toys over with his foot. The kid has more toys now than Brian thinks he’s owned his entire life. He tells Justin this.
“His parents obviously love him.”
Brian nods his head slowly and surveys the room. “So, it’s how much a parent buys his child that proves his love?”
“What?” Justin’s head turns sharply to look at Brian. “No. Of course not! I mean, my dad gave me everything in the world and now look at us. We hardly talk and when, on the rare occasions that we do talk, it’s only to fling angry, hurtful insults at each other. No. I was just saying...”
“Relax, Sunshine. I understand.”
Justin nervously fiddles with a snag on his jeans for a minute before sighing. “What a bitch Daph is for leaving me with such a mess.”
“Us.”
“What?”
Brian gets off the couch and stretches, his long arms almost touch the ceiling. Justin can’t keep his eyes off the way Brian’s entire body elongates itself. He wonders what Brian’s body looks like underneath all that clothing and blushes appropriately.
They work well together. Justin finds Brian a rather efficient cleaning buddy, accepting Justin’s barking orders in stride and happy to put together the smaller toys. Justin takes a break to watch as Brian sits on the floor, gathering up the Barrel of Monkeys, lost in his own little world. Justin grabs his sketchbook from the drawer in the coffee table and begins to draw Brian. Smiling to himself, Justin thinks that he has a sketch of Gus in the exact same pose from a couple weeks ago.
“What the fuck?” Brian whines when he sees Justin on the couch. “Why do you get to sit merrily on your plump ass while I have to slave away?” He complains, throwing the completed toy into the toy box.
“Brian, you weren’t working. You were playing.”
Brian shrugs and grins at Justin. “Just making up for lost time.” He starts to put away Gus’ Lego set, but gets a better idea. “Care to join me, Sunshine?”
Justin looks up from his drawing and rolls his eyes at Brian’s childlike excitement. “And we’re how old?” He asks, but slides down off the couch to join Brian on the floor.
“It’s what’s in the heart that counts,” Brian smiles. “What’s your favorite color?”
“Blue,” Justin answers, clearing away an open space on the floor. He looks up with surprised eyes as Brian slides all the blue Legos in his direction. “Thank you.” His voice his filled with awe.
They compete with each other to see who can make the tallest, largest building. Brian plays just as dirty as his son, Justin discovers. Brian’s foot “accidentally” knocks over Justin’s much better piece of architecture. It’s when Justin reaches out to slap down Brian’s building that his hand cramps in unbelievable pain.
“Fuck!” He cries out, cradling his hand against his chest. His cheeks are glowing red and his eyes are washed with unshed tears. “Jesus Christ!”
Brian quickly puts the Legos away and crawls over to sit next to Justin. “What’s the matter?” He asks calmly, almost lazily. Justin holds up his throbbing hand and winces. “This?” Brian asks, reaching out to uncurl Justin’s fingers. “Here.” He takes Justin’s smaller hand in his own and messages it.
The pain slowly subsides and Justin’s left with only a slight aching. “Thanks,” he whispers. He pulls his hand away from Brian’s and shakes it out. “That felt awesome. The massage, I mean.”
Brian nods and gets up. He quickly puts the rest of the toys away. By the time he’s done, Justin has recovered and is sitting, embarrassed, on the couch.
“Sorry about that,” Justin laughs, his face red. “Left over from the bashing.”
Shrugging, Brian reaches into his pocket to take out a tin can. Justin sits up a little straighter when Brian pulls out a joint.
”God,” Justin laughs, moving his legs so that Brian can join him on the couch. “I haven’t smoked weed in ages.” Brian leans forward and offers Justin the joint. “I don’t even know if I remember how.”
Brian chuckles. “Bullshit. It’s like learning to swim. Weird at first, but you get the hang of it. And then you never forget how.”
“Most people use riding a bike as an analogy.”
“Yeah, well,” Brian tosses Justin a lighter. “I never learned how to ride a bike.”
“Shut up!”
“It’s true.”
“But you know how to swim?”
“Yep. My dad threw me in the pool one day and I taught myself. It was either that or drown, so I figured...”
Justin picks up the lighter and looks at the joint, still in Brian’s outstretched hand. “You go first.”
Brian rolls his eyes, but takes the lighter away from Justin and lights up. Justin watches as it sparks and a small trail of smoke explodes from the end of the joint. Brian pulls it away from his lips and holds his breath, hollowing his cheeks to keep the smoke in. Justin’s eyes follow the greenish smoke as it slowly glides out of Brian’s mouth. “Your turn, Sunshine. Just remember, hold it in.”
Just places the slightly damp joint in his mouth and lights it. He feels the knowing tickle in the back of his throat and fights the urge to cough.
“Good boy,” Brian grins as Justin inhales sharply a couple times, trying to keep then smoke in his lungs. He lets out the air with a quick gasp and Brian laughs heartily. “Okay?” He asks, stroking Justin’s arm a moment before taking the joint back.
Justin nods his head slowly, waiting eagerly for his next turn.
Paranoia starts to creep in after they quickly finish the joint. Justin claims he hears two grown men arguing over a woman in the kitchen and vividly freaks out when he swears he hears gun shots. Brian grabs Justin’s arm when Justin gets up to investigate. “Hold it there, Fox Mulder. There’s nothing going on. It’s just the drugs.”
“You’re no fun.” Justin sticks out his tongue and crosses his arms, but his interest in the “voices” soon wears off as that comfortable heaviness creeps in.
They talk about everything. The new Star Wars. Brian’s newest business venture. Their favorite food and drink. Justin is pleasantly surprised to learn that Brian is knowledgeable when it comes to art and Brian almost falls off the couch when Justin regales him with the inner workings of marketing strategies. They discuss music, politics, books, friends, and family. Finally, they slip into a cozy silence.
Brian becomes aware of Justin’s foot resting lightly against his thigh the same moment Justin does. Justin quickly moves it and stuffs as much of himself as he can into the corner of the couch. “Sorry,” he mumbles.
It’s like Justin’s foot left an indentation on his leg. Brian can still feel it there moments later and even as he moves his leg, the feeling’s still present. He turns to stare openly at Justin, taking in his beauty and intriguing delicacy.
Justin, aware of Brian’s scrutiny, stands up suddenly. “I have the munchies. You want anything?”
He turns around to watch as Brian saunters over to him. The drugs make, in Justin’s mind, Brian’s features more pronounced. More elegant. More gorgeous. Justin licks his lips as he watches Brian raise an arm to scratch his back. Damn, Justin thinks. Out loud, he asks again, “You want anything?”
Brian stops his itching and stares directly into Justin’s eyes. “Yeah,” Brian answers slowly.
“Good. I hate eating alone. What do you want?” Justin asks, making a break for the kitchen.
Brian grabs the back of Justin’s shirt and pulls him flush against his chest. “You,” he whispers huskily into Justin’s ear.
“W--what?” Justin questions timidly, unsure if he heard correctly.
“I said I want you,” Brian repeats louder. “You’re... God! I don’t know...” He leans down and inhales Justin’s hair.
The intimacy combined with Brian’s words cause Justin’s skin to break out in small bumps. He groans as Brian nuzzles his neck, his mouth dangerously close to Justin’s skin. Brian’s hand’s wander around Justin’s waist and up his chest. He runs them up and down languidly. Justin reaches around and grasps the back of Brian’s thighs.
“Brian,” he says with a staggering breath. “Do something.”
Brian continues to breath on Justin’s neck and starts to slowly rotate his hips against the small of Justin’s back.
“Oh, God.” Justin’s breath catches. His shirt has ridden up his back and he feels Brian’s clothed erection stab at his skin.
“Jesus,” Brian stutters, pressing his nose to the back of Justin’s hot neck.
They stand like that for a long time; not kissing, not really touching. Brian finally places a hand on Justin’s cheek and turns Justin’s head to face him. They begin to lean into each other, but are interrupted by the shrill ring of the house phone.
Justin leaps out of Brian’s arms and dives for the phone. “Hello?” He asks, his voice breathy and his heart beating rapidly in his chest. “What? Oh. Hi. Yeah. I’m fine. I was just... you startled me, is all. Yeah. Tomorrow? Oh. Okay. No, that’s great.”
Brian listens to Justin’s one sided conversation with hidden interest. Finally, Justin hangs up the phone and turns to Brian. “That was Lindsay. She and Mel are coming home tomorrow.”
For some reason, that breaks whatever spell they were both in. Justin walks Brian to the door and they say sloppy good-byes.
“Shit,” Justin breaths once the door closes behind Brian.
It’s only when Brian’s in his jeep does he realize that his hands are shaking.
Chapter Nine
“Were our children demons?” Lindsay asks good-naturedly as she and Mel drop their bags on the living room floor.
Justin shakes his head. “Gus is a dream. He’s a perfect kid, really. You couldn’t have done better.”
Melanie comes up behind Lindsay and wraps her in her arms. “And Jenny?”
“Uh... Jenny’s...” Justin trails off.
“That bad, huh?” Mel laughs. “She gets it from her father, I think.”
“Sure, Mel. That’s it,” Justin smiles. “So... Are you two... okay?”
The two women regard each other with smiles and then look back at Justin. “Yeah. We talked.”
“A lot,” Lindsay adds.
“We’re better.”
“Good.”
Lindsay unravels herself from her wife’s arms. “So, did anything interesting happen while we were gone? Any big revelations?”
“Not really. The hospital thing was scary. But, Brian came and--”
“Brian?” Mel asks, her head shoots up in surprise. “He went to the hospital?”
“Uh... yeah. I was freaking out and couldn’t get a hold of anyone else.” Justin takes one of the suitcases from Melanie and starts to drag it up the stairs.
Lindsay wanders around the living room, breathing in the familiar scent of her home when something catches her eye. The drawer of the coffee table is slightly open and, reaching in, she pulls out a sketchpad. “Is this one of yours?” She calls out to Justin, who doesn’t answer.
Flipping to the first page, Lindsay is greeted with a rudimentary drawing of Melanie and Gus playing outside. She’s always admired Justin’s talent. An admiration that used to be jealousy, she is able to admit. Turning the page, she finds a beautiful rendition of herself in her robe, drinking her morning coffee. As she gets further into the sketchbook, Lindsay is surprised by how many drawings there are of Brian.
Brian and Gus. Brian and Michael. Brian and Deb. Brian eating breakfast. Brian smoking. A lot of Brian smoking, actually. Lindsay’s eyebrows lift at some of the more sensual drawings.
The Brian that Justin has drawn beautifully is unlike the Brian Lindsay knows so well. This Brian, the Brian on paper, is much like the Brian she’s seen around Gus; the Brian that only Gus has the privilege of knowing.
Gus... and maybe Justin, Lindsay admits as she studies the many nuances of Brian Kinney captured on paper.
“Did you say something--” Justin begins to ask, but stops mid sentence when he sees what Lindsay is looking at.
Lindsay holds up the sketchbook and smiles. “You’re so talented, Justin. Tell me when you want that show at the gallery and it’s yours.” She carefully avoids talking about Justin’s obviously favorite subject.
Justin walks up to Lindsay and almost rips the sketchbook away from her. Her surprise is evident. “Do you always snoop through other people’s personal belongings?” He snaps at her, hugging the sketchbook in his arms.
They stare at each other without saying a word. Lindsay’s eyes narrow as she watches Justin grip his sketchbook possessively.
“So,” Lindsay clears her throat and stands up, walking around the couch. She stops in front of Justin and smiles. “Did you see a lot of Brian?”
Justin’s face pales slightly and then begins to redden with realization that Lindsay had, indeed, gone through his entire sketchbook. “Not much,” he whispers.
“Justin,” Lindsay starts, placing a tentative hand on his arm. “I thought I told you to stay away from him.”
“God! I’m an adult Lindsay.”
“Yeah. I know that. And you can make your own decisions, but... Brian’s not like other boys. He... He’s not looking for what your looking for.”
Justin huffs like an angry teenager. “We’re just friends, is all.”
Lindsay nods her head stiffly and then exits the room. “Fuck,” Justin whispers.
*****
“I’m coming! Jesus Christ!!” Brian throws open the loft door, which slams into the wall with a deafening crash, only to find a stern looking Lindsay on the other side. “Lindsay,” Brian momentarily stutters. “Wow. Didn’t you just get back?” He leans in to kiss her cheek, but she avoids it, walking stiffly into the loft. “Ooo-kay. Come in.”
She glides over to the bedroom and peeks in. “I’m not... interrupting anything, am I?” Finding the room empty, she continues without waiting for a response. “I love you, Brian. You know that. You’re a great friend and a wonderful father and I couldn’t be more pleased about how my life with you has turned out...”
Sighing, Brian grabs a glass off his drink cart and fills it with whiskey. “But?”
“But... I don’t want you to fuck with my cousin. Or fuck him, for that matter.”
Brian nearly chokes on his drink. “What?” He asks, his voice raising in pitch. He wonders, briefly, if Justin talked to her about... him.
“You’re charming. And handsome. And... I don’t know... rich...”
“So, you think he wants me for my money?” Brian jokes. He can’t think of a more ridiculous explanation.
“No. No. Of course not. But, it’s part of the package.”
“What package?”
Lindsay drops to the couch and takes Brian’s drink out of his hand. She sips it lightly and shudders. “This is gross.”
“What package?” Brian asks again, his voice dropping low.
“The Brian Kinney Package.”
Rolling his eyes, Brian scoffs. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
“It means that you’re a dream come true to Justin. He’s only had it bad in life, Brian. He’s had shitty relationship after shitty relationship and I know for a fact that he still isn’t over the bashing. Then here you come: calm, smart, together, and he thinks... God... I don’t know what he thinks... That you’re some god or something.”
Brian’s raises a brow and stares at his friend’s exasperated face. “Well, I know he likes me. What’s the point here, Linds?”
“My point is... I don’t want you to see him.”
“What?”
“I don’t want you to be alone with him. I don’t... I don’t want you to hurt him.”
Brian sucks in sharp breath and nods grimly.
“And I know you’ll hurt him ‘cause I know who you are, Brian. I know. I know you. I know what you want and I can promise you it’s nowhere near what he wants. So, please, I’m begging you. Friend to friend, mother to father... Don’t do anything with him. I don’t want to see him hurt. I’d like him to experience some good in life before he gets more of the bad.”
“That bad includes me?” Brian asks. He hides it well, but his throat constricts and he feels something undeniably close to pain. “That’s... that’s fucked up, Lindsay.”
“It’s the truth,” she whispers. They sit uncomfortably with each other, neither one knowing what else to say. “So,” Lindsay suddenly exclaims, slapping her thighs in finality. “That’s it.” She gets up and turns to Brian. “We’re having a huge family breakfast this Sunday. You had better be there.”
“Yes, Debbie,” Brian sneers.
Laughing, Lindsay pulls back the loft door and skips down the stairs, her good deed done.
Only when he’s sure Lindsay is gone does Brian react. Setting down his whiskey, Brian slumps onto the couch, letting out a shattering sigh before falling over on his side and curling his legs under his body. “Bitch,” Brian whispers, shaking his head. “I’m not that bad.”
*****
The girls pay for Justin to make a night of it. Handing him a wad of bills, they tell him to go out and party with all the other “hot young studs on Liberty Avenue,” as Melanie puts it.
Before Justin can get a foot through Babylon’s door, he’s being propositioned. They’re hot, he notices. But he only wants one person. And that person is standing at his usual place near the bar with the usual people.
“Hey,” Justin smiles, grabbing a spot next to Ted.
“Out on a week night?” Ben teases Justin. “I guess that means you’re done with parenting?”
“For now,” Justin winks. He’s greets the rest of the gang, noting that Michael is attempting to play nice, before turning to Brian. “Hey,” he repeats somewhat hesitantly.
He doesn’t really know what to expect. All he does know is that he’s been hard ever since Brian wrapped his arms around his body and thrust his erection against his back.
Brian responds with a curt nod, refusing to look Justin in the eye. “I’m going to dance,” he tells his friends, placing his empty beer bottle on the bar. “Later.” Justin watches in dismay as Brian saunters off to the dance floor, already in predator mode.
“Did I do something wrong?” Justin asks his friends meekly.
Emmett shrugs it off. “He’s been like that all night. Forget about it. Want something to drink?”
A small half-smile adorns Justin’s face. “Yeah. Look,” he pulls out the money Lindsay and Melanie gave him. “It’s on me. Or rather, on the girls.”
He throws back two whiskeys in a row and hold up his hand for a third before Emmett tenderly reaches out to stop him. “Slow down, Justin,” he insists. “You have all night.”
Justin rips his arm away from Emmett. “Leave me alone. I’ll do what I want.”
They all stare at Justin when he says this. They’re not used to such open hostility. At least, not with him. “What?” He asks. “Fuck. I’m going to dance.” He storms off. But instead of going to the dance floor, he heads over to the back room and grabs a guy near the entrance. “Suck me,” he demands, settling against the wall and closing his eyes. He tries to lose himself in the warm mouth and somewhat talented tongue.
“Starting early, are we?” Brian’s familiar voice interrupts.
Justin cracks an eye open to see Brian leaning on the wall opposite of him, no trick in sight. “You in here alone?” Justin takes in a deep breath as his trick brings up a hand to cup his balls. “Or just waiting for the first willing piece of ass?”
“Isn’t that what you did?” There’s a hint of anger in Brian’s voice which causes Justin to open his eyes all the way.
“What do you care?”
“Good question,” Brian mutters before pushing off and leaving the back room.
“Bri--! Stop it,” Justin hisses to the guy servicing him. He zips up and runs out of the back room, following Brian out the door. “Brian!” He calls out as the man nears his jeep. “Wait.”
“Go back in, Sunshine.”
“No. Not until you talk to me.” Justin’s now standing in front of Brian, blocking the jeep door.
“About?”
“About the other night.”
“I was high.”
“On pot! Pot doesn’t make you do things, Brian. That was all you.” Brian turns his face to look away from Justin, but Justin won’t allow this He reaches out and places a hand on Brian’s chin, grabbing it and forcing Brian to look at him. “You want me to leave? I’ll leave. I promise. Just say the words.” He’s still gripping Brian’s face. The minutes pass by and neither one make a move. “What’s the matter? Trying hard to think of a good lie to get rid of me.”
“I don’t lie,” Brian insists, his voice flat and emotionless.
“Then why aren’t you acknowledging me?”
“‘Cause.”
“I don’t think so, Brian. That might’ve worked in grade school, but it won’t work now.” Brian remains silent. Justin allows his hand to release Brian’s chin and slide down his arm, caressing Brian’s hand with the tip of his fingers before he takes a step away. Trying another route, Justin whispers, “I asked you what you wanted that night and you said me. You said you wanted me. Don’t you want me anymore?”
Brian’s eyes widen and he opens his mouth slightly, as if to say something, then decides the better of it and looks at the ground.
“Then there’s my answer,” Justin sighs. He shakes his head and takes another step back.
“Justin--” Brian stops him. “I... I can’t.”
Rolling his eyes, Justin mutters, “Not this again. Jesus, Brian. Just admit that you won’t and get this over with. ‘Cause can’t leaves room for possibility and I’m very obstinate.”
A ghost of a smile plays on Brian’s lips. He knows how obstinate Justin can be; what a determined and driven man Justin is. “I won’t because I can’t,” he explains, moving aside to let Justin pass.
“Scared?” Justin asks, his voice loud and steady.
Brian turns back to him, forcefully. “A little,” he admits, surprising even himself. He pushes Justin away from his door lightly.
Before he can shut the door, he hears Justin whimper, “Take me with you.”
His hand hesitates as he thinks of the possibilities. Shaking his head, resigned, he reiterates, “I can’t.” He shuts his door and starts the ignition. The clouds overhead darken threateningly and a strong wind blows Justin’s hair every which way, an image Brian doesn’t stop watching in his rearview mirror.
*****
A steady knocking on the front door has Justin running down the stairs and throwing it open in record speed. At first, he’s unsure of who he’s looking at, but then, the visitor takes a step forward. It’s Brian, his clothing clinging from the rain and there’s an almost animalistic look is in his eyes.
Justin clears his throat and then greets Brian. Holding the door open for him, Justin tries not to stare at the way Brian’s shirt molds his body or the suggestive way his pants drip off of his legs. Brian turns around, his breathing heavy and his cheeks red.
“What’s going on?” Justin asks, concerned. He walks over to Brian and studies his face. They stare at each other momentarily and then suddenly, they’re in each other’s arms, mashing their lips together with unexpected urgency.
Brian slams Justin against the wall, knocking down a couple family photos. The crash doesn’t stop them from attacking each other’s mouths. Brian’s hands roam to Justin’s ass and moves down his thighs. Using his own body to hold Justin’s up, Brian brings Justin’s legs around his waist. They continue crushing their lips together, all hopes of breathing lost as their tongues and spit become intertwined.
Justin takes small desperate breaths through his nose as Brian presses him impossibly closer to the wall, groaning loudly when Brian’s hand begins to squeeze and tug at the crotch of his pants, making him impossibly harder. His arms move off of Brian’s shoulders and make their way under his shirt. He relishes in the feel of the warm, wet skin and allows his hands to wander up Brian’s chest.
Brian’s tongue explores Justin’s mouth. He can’t believe how much he likes the taste of Justin; the feel of Justin’s tongue against his own; the smoothness of his teeth; the softness of his lips. It makes Brian incredibly hard. They being to rock in succession, finding a strong rhythm. Justin’s nails rake his chest and he shivers, groaning when Justin’s strong fingers clasp onto his nipples.
Neither one can breath, but they don’t care. There’s so much passion and lust and wanton energy. The hall begins to heat up as they gasp and rut and pound against each other.
They don’t notice Emmett entering through the open door, shaking the rain off his umbrella, unaware of the coupling against the wall until he looks up. “I knew it!” Emmett shrieks, staring at the two men desperately clinging to each other.
It takes a moment for Brian and Justin to realize they have an audience. Justin’s legs slip from around Brian’s waist and they stand there, breathing heavily, face in neck.
“I knew it!” Emmett says again, only much louder this time. A manila envelope falls from his grip as he presses his hands to his mouth and giggles.
Still gasping for air, Brian settles against the wall next to Justin. Their lips are swollen and their mouths glisten. “We... We weren’t...” Justin tries. He can’t seem to control his breathing. “We weren’t... doing anything...” He assures Emmett.
“Bullshit!” Emmett cries loudly. “You guys were practically swallowing each other whole! Oh my God! How long has this been going on?!”
“Emmett?” A voice from upstairs calls.
Emmett watches, grinning, as Brian and Justin scramble to make themselves presentable as Lindsay walks down the stairs. She smiles at Emmett and then turns to see her cousin and best friend looking very disheveled.
“Brian? What are you doing here?” She asks suspiciously, taking in their flushed faces and still heavy breathing.
“I was just leaving,” Brian almost gasps. He doesn’t move, however. His hand brushes against Justin’s and it takes all his control not to attack Justin again.
“And I’m going with him,” Justin insists, grabbing his jacket from the coat rack and heading to the door. “Come on, we can beat the storm,” Justin addresses Brian, holding out his hand hurriedly.
Emmett tries to hide a smile as Brian dashes quick glances between Justin and Lindsay. “He’s right, Brian,” Emmett tells the man, placing his hand on Brian’s shoulder and pushing him gently. “You should go now, before the storm gets worse. They say it might snow later.”
The situation seems to register with Lindsay and she’s a sudden flurry of anger. She stomps over to Justin and shoves him toward the stairs. Glaring at Brian, she points to the door. “Get. Out,” she breaths, her words bitter and staggering.
“What’s going on?” Melanie asks from the top of the stairs. She looks from Justin to Lindsay’s pointing hand to Brian’s wet body and then to Emmett, her eyes pleading for some sort of explanation.
“I was just leaving,” Brian says again, following Lindsay’s outstretched arm to the door. Justin takes a step in his direction, but the look in Brian’s eyes make him stop cold. “Alone.” Brian nods to Emmett and leaves, practically running to his jeep.
“What was that about?” Melanie asks again.
“I just came by to give Lindsay the party plans for the gala event,” Emmett explains, picking up the envelope he dropped earlier and handing it to Lindsay.
“What was Brian doing here?” Melanie wonders, completely confused when Justin pushes past her and stomps up the stairs furiously. “Justin?” She calls after him and then turns to Lindsay. “Did I miss something?”
“Fucking Brian,” Lindsay mutters, slamming the front door shut at the same time Justin slams his bedroom door. The walls shake.
“Uh... Isn’t that my line? I mean, I’m the one who’s usually mad at Brian. What’d he do?”
“He... Justin... Messy...” Lindsay huffs, trudging to the living room and falling onto the rocking chair. “Bad.”
“Uh...” Melanie’s really confused. She turns to Emmett. “What’s going on?”
“Oh. It seems Lindsay’s cousin and best friend have a thing for each other.” He waits, continuing only when Melanie’s wide eyes register understanding. “I guess they finally decided to take the next step. Who knows. But, I think there could be something there.”
Lindsay snorts.
“Come on, Linds. He’s your best friend. Justin could do much worse.”
“Wait a minute,” Melanie interrupts. “You mean... Brian and Justin are... fucking?”
“No. I don’t think they’ve fucked--”
“Yet.” Lindsay’s voice is bitter.
Melanie wanders over to the couch and sits down. “Huh. You know... that’s kind of... I don’t think that would be so bad.”
Both Emmett and Lindsay stare at her with open mouths.
“I mean, I don’t really like Brian, but... I think Justin’ll be good for him.”
“But Brian’ll just fuck him and ditch him.”
“You really have no control over that, Lindsay,” Melanie tells her softly. “You know how it goes: tell someone they can’t have something and they’ll go after it even worse than before. And I know you. I know you probably already figured that there is something going on between the two of them and told them that they can’t... do whatever it is they were planning on doing.”
“So, I should just let Brian hurt my cousin after he’s been hurt so many times before?”
“That’s not really your problem, Lindsay,” Emmett explains, sitting next to Melanie. “If Justin wants Brian, he’s going to get Brian.”
“But Brian... He has... rules... there’s no future with him.”
“I don’t know. I think he likes Justin. A lot. Like, likes Justin.”
Shaking her head, Lindsay insists, “Brian doesn’t do boyfriends or love or anything like that. We’ve heard him say that millions of times.”
“That’s ‘cause he hasn’t met anyone that he’s wanted to be a boyfriend to or that he’s wanted to love,” Emmett grins.
“Until now,” Melanie whispers with small smile. “Maybe. Who knows. He’s so fucked. I can’t wait.” Melanie’s smile grows.
There’s a noise in the hall and Justin sticks his head into the room. “I’m going out,” he tells them, his eyes daring them to argue. When they don’t, he smiles shyly and says, “Don’t wait up.”
“Justin!” Lindsay calls out, getting up from her chair and walking to the door. “Take the car.” She hands him her keys. “Oh. And... don’t... don’t let him hurt you.”
Justin’s eyebrows raise and he smiles. “I won’t.”
*****
The pickings are anything but slim at Babylon and yet Brian’s standing there more indecisive than ever. Not that he’s not horny. Because he is. His dick is causing his pants to tent from the strain, but nothing’s really sparking his interest. Nothing, that is, except his hot make-out session with Justin.
“Fuck,” he admonishes himself. His dick is pulsating and he bites his lip until there’s blood in his mouth.
“Need some help with that?” A voice asks him. An older man, about thirty-five, is grinning at him, licking his lips and lifting his eyebrows suggestively. Brian eyes him, a quick up-down, and then grins back. They don’t say a word as Brian leads them to the back room, but the man makes a noise of disapproval when Brian stops abruptly.
“Maybe we should go to my place,” Brian says to the man. When the man opens his mouth to protest, Brian narrows his eyes and deepen his voice. “I think it’s gonna take a while.”
“Just point the way.”
*****
Brian finds it more annoying than sexy, the way the man is kissing his neck. He can’t punch in the code to the entrance hall with the guy’s large body blocking his view and confining his arms.
“Can’t you stop it for just a minute?” Brian asks sharply, pulling away from the man’s grasp.
“I can’t keep my hands off you,” the man whines, leaning in again. “You’re so fucking hot.”
Brian manages to punch the correct code in and the door buzzes open. “Thank God,” he mutters, grabbing the guy by his belt and dragging him into the building.
“Let’s just take the stairs,” the man groans into Brian’s neck. “It’ll be quicker.”
They climb up the stairs, their breathing heavy and uneven. As they round the corner, Brian realizes how tired he is. It’s been a long day, he sighs to himself. He looks up and sees that there’s someone sitting in front of his door, his knees tucked under his chin and his arms wrapped around his legs. It’s Justin, who’s smile falters when he sees that Brian isn’t alone. And it’s just gotten longer.
Chapter Ten
It didn’t go as Brian expects. Instead of a huge fallout, Justin merely flashes Brian and his guest a shy smile, apologizes for interrupting, and leaves. Brian stands there, confused, while the man he’s brought home with him asks annoyingly personal questions.
“Do you want me to fuck you or what?” Brian asks the man grumpily as he holds the loft door open for him.
The man can’t decide. He keeps jetting glances between Brian and the direction Justin left moments before. The man’s been around the block many times, he understands the forlorn look Justin gave Brian right before he exited. And he understands, even more, the lost confusion etched in Brian’s features.
“Yeah,” The guy says slowly, stuffing his hands awkwardly in his pocket. “Yeah, I want you to fuck me. But, uh... don’t you think you should be going after the kid?”
“What?” Brian’s voice bounces off the hall walls, repeating the word over and over. Emphasizing Brian’s fear.
“I mean... uh... it’s not really my place to say anything, but--”
“You’re right, it’s not,” Brian snarls. They stare each other down and then Brian gives up with a long sigh. He shakes his head and shuts the loft door again, locking it before saying, “Come on. I’ll give you a ride back to Liberty.”
The man smiles softly. “Atta boy.”
*****
Justin doesn’t go home. How can he, when everyone expects him to be with Brian doing... God knows what. What does he expect from Brian? Anything? Everything?
Nothing?
No. Justin shakes his head, his hands rhythmlessly strum against the steering wheel. He doesn’t expect nothing. Not after a kiss like that.
He licks his lips and imagines them still red, still bruised. Still crushed against Brian’s.
“Fuck,” he says out loud, turning a sharp right. He stops in front of a nice apartment complex.
It’s only one-forty, Justin thinks, getting out of his car and quietly slamming his door. Maybe she’s still awake. The gravel under his feet crunch loudly and makes him slow his speed. This neighborhood is so...
Perfect.
All the apartments have names on the doors. Smith. Hines. Armstrong. The flower beds are creative and the lawns, impeccable. He wonders how anyone can live such boring lives.
His finger pauses over the door bell, then he presses it. Waiting. Waiting. He presses again and the porch light flips on, followed, quickly, by a half-asleep Daphne.
“Justin?” She squints. “What the... it’s two in the morning,” she says, stepping aside to let her friend in.
“Nah. Only one-forty four,” he grins.
“Is everyone okay? Is it Lindsay? Your mom?”
“No. Nothing like... that.” They stand together in Daphne’s living room. He feels weighted under her open gaze. “Aren’t you gonna offer me tea or something?”
She grins, “You want tea?”
“No. Not really.” They settle on the couch, wrapping a blanket around each other. Daphne picks up the remote and turns the television on out of habit. When they were younger and needed to talk, they’d keep the television on as a distraction.
“So...” She trails off, waiting for him to start. When he doesn’t respond, she asks, “It’s about Brian, right?”
Justin nods his head slowly. “Yeah.”
“You love him, right?”
“I...” He trails off, staring blankly at the commercial for some waxing product. “I don’t know if it’s love. I just... I like him... lots. God, Daph. I really fucking like him.”
“Does he like you?” Her mind is flowing with the possibility of real romance for her best friend.
“Yeah,” he all but whispers. “Probably. At least, I thought so.”
“Thought? As in... used to?”
“Well, he came to the house tonight. We kissed.” He looks up and grins, flashing her one of his exquisite smiles. “It was hot. But then Linds... God, she made such a big deal out of it. He left. And I became impatient, so I went to his place and...” He doesn’t continue, the edges of his mouth dipping into a small frown.
“He was there with someone else?” Daphne asks, finishing his story for him.
“Yeah. He wasn’t at the loft, so I waited. He came home with this guy. You know, tall and handsome. So... different than me. I felt bad. For putting him on the spot. For... I don’t know, expecting something, I guess.”
“Expecting what?”
“Anything.”
Daphne studies Justin and then sighs. “Expecting romance?”
“A little,” he admits, flattening the blanket nervously. “But I shouldn’t,” he explains quickly. “I mean, everyone told me not to.”
Daphne smiles and scoots a little closer to Justin. “Ah, Just. That’s the way it works.”
“It?”
“Love. Romance. It’s what you want, you know, deep down. You want to be loved the way you’re supposed to be loved.”
“That kind of love, Daphne, the kind of love we read about, that’s not the kind of love I can have.”
“What not?” Daphne asks, frowning.
“I’m... well, I’m a fag, Daphne.”
“So?” She pulls away to look at him more closely. “We used to talk about our Prince Charming all the time in high school.”
A shadow passes over Justin’s face. “Yeah, that was before... Stuff like that, they sort of ruin life for you. I guess.”
“They ruin life for you or are supposed to?” Daphne asks, scooting closer to Justin and raking her fingers in his hair. “You need to get a haircut.”
Justin leans back into her touch. “I kinda wanted to grow it out,” he purrs. She makes a disgusted face and he laughs. “Not like... long, idiot. Just... longer.”
“That’d look nice.” She strokes Justin’s hair for a couple minutes and when she sees Justin relax completely, she says, “I think you need to just lay out everything on the table for Brian. Tell him what it is you want, what it is you need, what it is you’d like... What it is you don’t want, need, like... And let him decide if he’s up for the challenge.”
Justin snorts. “I know he isn’t up for it. No one is. I’m going to be a bachelor for the rest of my life. Hey, Daph? Marry me.”
Daphne erupts in a fit of giggles. “Sure, lemme just wake up Richard and tell him we’re getting a divorce.” They sit in silence, smiling at their joke until Daphne continues. “I don’t really think it’s fair that everyone’s making Brian’s decisions for him. Lindsay, his friends... even you. Just let him choose. Where’s the harm in that?”
Shrugging his shoulders, Justin yawns. “I guess I’m afraid.”
“Of?”
“I’m afraid that if I give him the choice, he won’t choose me.”
“But at least you know. And at least you tried. I hate how passive you’ve become, Justin. I don’t mean... wimpy or anything... I mean... apathetic. Yeah. Apathetic. You’ve become so apathetic. Especially when it comes to guys. I want to see the Justin who goes after what he wants. Who won’t take no for an answer. Who’ll try, fail, and try again. That’s the Justin I love. And that’s the Justin Brian will love, too. I don’t know him well at all, but from what I’ve gathered, Brian likes people who take charge of their lives. I think that’s why he respects you. ‘Cause, even after all the shit you’ve been through, you’re still up and surviving each day. He’s a survivor, too. I know it.”
“God, Daph. This is beginning to sound like a Lifetime original.”
“It’s two in the morning and my best friend’s over, whining ‘cause he’s too scared to go for what he wants; what he knows he can get.”
Justin looks at her out of the corner of his eyes. “You really think I can get him?”
“Hell yeah.”
“Even though he doesn’t do boyfriends or... love?”
“Yep.”
“But--”
“Look, Justin. Is he worth it?”
“Worth what?”
“Everything.”
Justin sighs and leans back against the couch, kicking his feet to rest on her coffee table. “Yeah. I think so. I mean, I hope so. ‘Cause I so don’t want to repeat any of my past relationships. I’m ready for a change. Something different. Something better.”
“Then get out of my fucking apartment and go back to his place. Just... do it.”
Snorting, Justin stands up. “You’ve been watching too much TV.”
“Are you leaving?”
Justin walks over to her door. “Yeah. I have... some thinking to do.” He kisses her cheek affectionately. “Thanks.”
“I love you, Justin.” She stands in the doorway of her apartment until he’s turned the corner, a slight smile playing on her lips.
*****
“Is Michael home?” Brian asks sheepishly, sticking his head into the small apartment and looking around. The kitchen light is the only one on, illuminating a pile of papers and books on the table.
“You do realize it’s two in the morning?” Ben asks.
“So... he’s sleeping?” The sound of defeat in Brian’s voice makes Ben sigh. He opens the door in invitation to Brian, who nervously enters the apartment.
Ben locks the door behind them. “I can use a break. C'm'n. I’ll make some coffee. Decaf, though. It’s too late for regular.”
“Yeah,” Brian follows him into the kitchen. “Thanks.” He sits down on a chair and begins to leaf through the papers on the table. “This for your class?”
Ben starts the coffee and joins Brian at the table. “Yes. I think they’ve stopped teaching grammar to students. I’m getting a headache from trying to figure out where one sentence ends and another begins. I’m glad you stopped by.” Brian looks away, staring into space and Ben can’t help but ask, “Are you okay?”
“Yeah.” He picks up one of the papers and begins to read it. Soon, the coffee is done brewing and they’re laughing together at one student’s poor attempt at a self-reflective essay.
Ben places two mugs on the table and they both stir milk and sugar absentmindedly into their coffee. “So...” Ben trails off, cautious to start anything.
Brian brings the mug to his lips, gently blowing off the steam. “I just needed to... talk to Mikey,” Brian tells Ben, taking a sip.
“Want me to wake him up?” Ben asks, setting down his cup and getting ready to stand up. Brian reaches out a hand to stop him. “Well... I’m here... If you need to talk to someone...”
Brian rolls his eyes dramatically and picks up one of the papers again. Ben watches him momentarily and then begins to read a different essay.
Half an hour later, the coffee is gone and Brian’s standing, stretching out the kinks in his body. “God. I’m so glad I’m not a teacher,” he tells Ben, picking up their mugs and placing them in the sink. The warm water runs off his hands soothingly and he wants to make it hotter.
“Brian...” Brian turns around to look at Ben, who’s gathering all the papers and piling them neatly into a folder. He purposely doesn’t look at Brian as he continues. “What’s going on? You seem so... subdued, I guess.”
Heaving a sigh, Brian turns around, resting against the back of the sink. “There’s no fooling you, Professor.” He smirks and then looks down at his wet hands, wiping them softly against his pants.
“Well?” Ben asks abruptly, folding his arms across the chest in a very Michaelesque manner. Brian can’t help but smile. “What?” Ben’s suddenly self-conscious.
“When did you know? Was it like... boom?” Brian shifts uncomfortably on his feet.
“When did I know wha--” But Ben cuts himself up. He tries not to react openly. Instead, he sits back down and gestures to the other chair. Reluctantly, Brian joins him at the table, determined to keep his distance and remain stoic. “I knew I wanted him, right from the beginning,” Ben starts slowly. “It was like ‘boom,’ but it wasn’t sure if it was love. Not until later. Not until he gave his little speech in my class and blew me out of the water with his integrity and honesty. That’s when I knew I loved him. But, physically, yeah, I wanted him. Right away. I felt... I was struck.”
Brian’s eyebrows crinkle together. “I could never think of Michael that way.”
“I know,” Ben reaches out to pat Brian’s hand. “And I thank you for that. Because if you did, even remotely, there would never be a chance for he and I. It’d be all you.”
Brian nods curtly.
“Was it like... ‘boom’ for you?” Ben asks him timidly, staring openly at Brian, who looks like he’s ready to run. “It’s okay. You don’t have to say it. He’s... sweet. And even I can’t deny that he’s good looking.” Brian glares at him and Ben laughs. “But he’d have to be, to get your attention. I think that you should do what you need to do. Aren’t you always saying ‘no regrets’? I think if you don’t do this, you’ll regret it.”
“Do what, exactly?”
Ben pulls his lips into his mouth nervously. “I... I don’t really know. That’s up to you.”
Brian stares hungrily at Ben, as if Ben can give him all the answers.
“I can’t tell you what to do. Just... be yourself...”
Brian smirks. “Sounds like some bullshit you’d find in Teen People.”
“Well, the best advice is usually the simplest. You should go home and think about what you want.”
Brian nods slowly and then gets up. “Thanks,” he tells Ben softly before heading to the door.
“Brian,” Ben stops him. “Just one more thing. If you don’t... feel... anything for him, don’t bother. It’d cause too much of a mess within our little family.”
Brian doesn’t react, just nods quickly and heads down the hall, Ben trailing him with his eyes until he’s out of sight. “Good luck!” He calls out, but closes the door before a neighbor can stick out her head to complain about the noise.
*****
Justin circles Brian’s block for a couple minutes, stalling in front of the building, then peeling out, pressing the gas so quickly it grinds him into his seat. He stares up at Brian’s blackened windows, squinting to find movement. Nothing.
He suddenly gets a tingling at the base of his neck. Staaaalllkkkkkeeerrrrrr, a voice in the back of his head whispers. He blushes. God, is this what it’s come to? Driving around some guys building in the middle of the night, in hopes of getting just a glimpse, a mere glimpse, of him.
No.
Justin shakes his head and presses a hand to his eyes. God, no. Hell no is he going to do this. Resolved, Justin doesn’t even pause as he once again passes the front of the building. Instead, he heads down to Liberty. Glancing at the clock on his dashboard, he notices that it’s well past three-thirty. It should still be thumping. He won’t have to wallow in his pathetic misery alone.
He decides on Woody’s. He needs a drink. And to think. Think about what Daphne said. Think about Brian.
Think about what he wants.
He orders a whisky on the rocks, lights up a cigarette, and thinks.
But of course, this hurts his brain. He doesn’t want to have to think. He’s thought all his life. He just wants someone to tell him what to do. To tell him what he wants and show him how to get it. He wants easy. All he’s ever had is hard.
Not that hard isn’t good, he grins, looking at the sexy bartender. But that’s not what he really wants.
So, okay, yeah. He knows what he wants.
Huffing to himself, Justin brings his glass to his lips. The ice clinks loudly as he empties the contents. He holds his hand out, signaling to the bartender. Just one more. Then he’ll lick his wounds and go back to Linds’. If he does it right, they won’t even know he came home in the middle of the night.
Shaking his head, Justin mentally kicks himself. He’s acting like he’s been dumped. Thanking the bartender, Justin places his drink on the small cocktail napkin in front of him. It’s wet and already ripping. Cheap.
Justin dips his index finger and runs it along the edge of his glass, hoping to make that eery wailing that comes from only really fine crystal. Instead, it just sounds like something skidding ; like wet rubber. Nowhere near the music he wants to hear.
“You think they’d use anything other than cheap glass here, Justin?” A now familiar voice asks him. Justin doesn’t even have to look to know that Brian has occupied the stool next to him, their bodies dangerously close.
“I’ve never made that noise before,” Justin explains, once again wetting his finger in preparation for his musical genius.
Brian covers Justin’s hand with his own. “Spare us, please. It’s late.” Justin can hear the teasing in his voice and doesn’t take offense. He watches curiously as Brian leans over the bar, using his long arms to reach for something unseen. Sitting back on his stool, looking immensely proud of himself, Brian grins at Justin and holds out something metallic. Justin stares at the spoon in wonder.
“It’s for you,” Brian tells him, sighing when Justin’s eyes cloud over in confusion. “It’s for to make music with,” Brian’s voice takes on a childlike sarcasm. Finally frustrated, Brian places the spoon next to Justin’s glass and taps gently. A beautifully hallow sound whispers across the bar, almost muffled by the noises around them.
Brian watches, fascinated, as Justin’s eyes fill with awe. He beams at Brian, grabbing the spoon and tapping earnestly.
“How many of those have you had?” Brian asks, nodding to the drink.
“This is my second.” Justin taps a beat Brian thinks he recognizes. “Do you play an instrument?” Justin asks, looking up finally.
“Uh... I was taught the harmonica when I was really young. And can pluck out some shit on the piano. My mom used to make me take lessons at church. I’ve never really tried to be good at any of it.”
“Sounds better than anything I can do.”
Brian pulls out a cigarette, occupying himself.
“I went to Daphne’s tonight,” Justin explains, stilling his movements.
“Oh?”
“Yeah. After I left your place.”
“Bet she wasn’t too happy about that.”
Shrugging, Justin resumes his tapping. “She’s used to it. Besides, I really needed to talk to her.”
Brian’s hand pauses before he places his cigarette to his lips. “Oh? About...”
“You, actually,” Justin smiles up at him unashamedly.
“I see.” Brian tries to remain calm, but Justin notices the way his throat moves as he swallows hard.
“I just needed some friendly advice, is all. Don’t worry about it.” Justin pats his shoulder delicately, the spoon rutting against his neck. Justin doesn’t remove his hand when he says, “It’s too early for all this, huh?” He sighs.
Brian turns to Justin, his mind on overload from Justin’s hand on his shoulder. “For what?” He asks, hoping his voice doesn’t sound as desperate as he feels.
“All this drama, I guess. I’m making a big deal out of what will probably turn out to be nothing. Daph said I should tell you what I expect. But how can I do that when I’m not even sure what it is I want from you. God, I don’t even know how I feel about you. I mean, I think I know, but...” He takes the spoon and hits himself hard on the forehead. “Stupid. It’s too soon!”
Brian yanks the spoon out of Justin’s hand, gently turning Justin’s head to face him, and starts to caress the spot Justin attacked. “I talked to Ben tonight. He said... He said for him, with Michael, it was boom.”
“Boom?” Justin’s voice cracks, staring wildly into Brian’s eyes, trying to find... something.
“Yeah.”
“Yeah?” Justin leans forward, his lips so close to Brian’s. “Boom?” He closes the distance and kisses Brian lightly. Pulling away, Justin smiles softly. “Boom,” he repeats, then grabs Brian’s shoulders and starts an open mouthed kiss. It doesn’t take long for Brian to return the kiss.
Brian wraps his arms around Justin’s torso and tugs until Justin’s off the stool, standing in between his legs. Brian lifts his feet slightly and, using his ankles, locks Justin into place.
It’s only when they start moaning frantically does Justin pull away. He studies Brian’s flushed cheeks, dark eyes, glistening mouth, and heaving chest and decides, right there, what he wants.
He wants it all.
And he wants it with Brian.
But he already knew this, really, from the moment he saw Brian dancing at Babylon. He just needed the courage to admit it. And having Brian here, in his arms, gives him that. He thinks that with Brian, he can accomplish anything. No one’s ever made Justin feel that way before.
Justin can get used to feeling this way.
Happy.
And... in love?
Onto Chapters 11-13 (end).....