Don't Waste Your Tears.
Today while I was on my lunch at work I felt the seat vibrating. At first I thought "what the hell?!" and next I thought "it's your cell phone dumbass". I look to see who's calling me and it said blocked call so I was a little hesitant on answering it but did so anyways. I should have never answered it however for it was my dad.
You would think that I would get a "Hey Meg, how are you?". No, not even close. I get the more "What's this?!" I'm thinking "What's what?". He went on to tell me that my cell phone bill is around $200 and he wants to know why. I really have no answer for him. He said that this is the third bill he's received that has been over $150. I thought to myself "That's great, tell me another story". We sat in silence. That's what my dad does, sits there in silence on the phone thinking I'm going to say something. I honestly have nothing to say. I don't feel bad that my cell phone is that much. He pays for nothing else for me so $200 is nothing compared to what my mom pays for me. Therefore, he can shove my cell phone up his ass.
When I told my mom about this she asked "Did he at least ask how you were?" "No" "Did he ask about the tracker? "No". She was disgusted to say the least and I am too.
I haven't talked to my dad since Father's Day. No, he doesn't call to see how I am. No, he doesn't do anything. But OMG, he helped get my car and pays my cell phone bill. He's God now, I forgot.
I don't call him either. I don't do anything either, so in a sense could this be my fault too? No. I can't turn this around. I always do that. I always try and put the blame on me somehow. Has it always been partly my fault all these years? Should I call? Should I try? Why should I try when he won't try? Maybe he thinks I don't want him to. Maybe he thinks I don't want him around since I don't tell him anything. If he really knew deep down that I do want him to be there for so many things. But don't you think that being a father he would try to be more involved in my life?
Maybe it's useless. I don't know. How much longer will it be until I speak to him again? In another month will I get another phone call bitching at me about a phone bill rather than asking me how I am?
Will things ever change? I live day by day to witness it but they never seem to. There's always hope.