Some will say what is lost can never be saved
I was allowed this rare opportunity by my computer, so i took it.
My computer hasn't been letting me update on LJ for some reason, none of the drop down selections appear so i haven't been able to update on here.
I will most likely just copy and paste what i wrote in xanga, but who knows, i'm already adding more than what i had on there (more being this paragraph)
I'm not interested in hollow "i miss you's" and cheap "i'm sorry's"
I want the feeling and the acceptance that should occompany them, not the words.
Words are meaningless without feeling.
Just to warn you, i hate entries like this when other people write them, they always make me feel guilty, so here's some hypocrisy for you.
What i have come to realize late in life (ok, teenage life) is that not everything will be ok.
Not everything will work out, you can't suddenly be better with people because you say you miss them in your online journal, and not all friendships will pull through or can be renewed.
Not everything will work out and sometimes people don't want to stay in touch or catch up or even see you anymore.
Sometimes you just have to deal with this and let it go, and be nice to those people and become nothing more but awkward acquaintances or whatever else there is.
Sometimes all you have left is "we need to hang out soon" and "we should do something soon"
Sometimes that's just all there is.
This makes me think of different people, the first to come to mind was Brittany Clark. We used to be good friends, for a few months we were really good friends and then slowly i started to realize that i did not like her that much, i didn't like her attitude, but i couldn't bring myself to say anything, all i could do was make up lame excuses for why i couldn't hang out and eventually when Kyla and Brad got together i took their side of things, and that was my excuse, her behavior towards Kyla.
I never thought i would be one of the people in her situation, i don't even know if i am, i am just speculating that i might be.
There are so many people i can think of that i used to be close to and now i barely see, just "hi's" and face making and hugs and thats the end. I see Whitney and Kyle everyday but yet i hardly talk to either of them, which is a shame because i was such good friends with them both.
Don't get me wrong, i like all of my friends now, they are all still the friends i've had, i just now see certain ones more than the people i have lost touch with. Julia, Nick, Karlee, Amanda, Liz, Kyla, Jp, Brette, Donald, Crystal, Stacy, and some others all make me feel a little bit better about life when i see them, don't get me wrong, all of these other people brighten me up, but i just don't see them enough. Sometimes i don't even see the people mentioned above that much, but when i do its like everything is ok and the same and its not weird.
I don't know where i am going with this, i guess this is just me writing down my collision with reality.
Its not even a collision, its a slow realization, which i guess is better than being bitchslapped by the truth.
There is so much else wrong with other people, so many other things that are far worse than my observation, so don't take this as mean complaining or asking for forgiveness or pleading for sympathy, because it isn't, its my written account of something i just fully grasped a half an hour ago.
Anyway, i go to D.C. Thursday after school with some of the other Young Dems (Me, Brette, Jourdan, Sarah, Crow, Seth, Carter, Michael, Liz B, Dank, sister of Dank, and Jessie). We get to stay there for four days, FOR FREE, SUCKAS!
That’s right, everything is already paid for, so this should make for a fun and interesting weekend.
I think i am going to stop now, i write in this journal so much, and its all nothing. Its yoke pouring from my cracked eggshell head. Its drivel. Its trash, but its me.
Goodnight.
I'd said what i'd said that i'd tell yah
And that you've killed the better part of me
If you could just milk it for everything
I've said what i said
And you know what i mean
But i still can't focus on anything
We kiss on the mouth
But still cough down our sleeves
Travelling, swallowing dramamine
My computer hasn't been letting me update on LJ for some reason, none of the drop down selections appear so i haven't been able to update on here.
I will most likely just copy and paste what i wrote in xanga, but who knows, i'm already adding more than what i had on there (more being this paragraph)
I'm not interested in hollow "i miss you's" and cheap "i'm sorry's"
I want the feeling and the acceptance that should occompany them, not the words.
Words are meaningless without feeling.
Just to warn you, i hate entries like this when other people write them, they always make me feel guilty, so here's some hypocrisy for you.
What i have come to realize late in life (ok, teenage life) is that not everything will be ok.
Not everything will work out, you can't suddenly be better with people because you say you miss them in your online journal, and not all friendships will pull through or can be renewed.
Not everything will work out and sometimes people don't want to stay in touch or catch up or even see you anymore.
Sometimes you just have to deal with this and let it go, and be nice to those people and become nothing more but awkward acquaintances or whatever else there is.
Sometimes all you have left is "we need to hang out soon" and "we should do something soon"
Sometimes that's just all there is.
This makes me think of different people, the first to come to mind was Brittany Clark. We used to be good friends, for a few months we were really good friends and then slowly i started to realize that i did not like her that much, i didn't like her attitude, but i couldn't bring myself to say anything, all i could do was make up lame excuses for why i couldn't hang out and eventually when Kyla and Brad got together i took their side of things, and that was my excuse, her behavior towards Kyla.
I never thought i would be one of the people in her situation, i don't even know if i am, i am just speculating that i might be.
There are so many people i can think of that i used to be close to and now i barely see, just "hi's" and face making and hugs and thats the end. I see Whitney and Kyle everyday but yet i hardly talk to either of them, which is a shame because i was such good friends with them both.
Don't get me wrong, i like all of my friends now, they are all still the friends i've had, i just now see certain ones more than the people i have lost touch with. Julia, Nick, Karlee, Amanda, Liz, Kyla, Jp, Brette, Donald, Crystal, Stacy, and some others all make me feel a little bit better about life when i see them, don't get me wrong, all of these other people brighten me up, but i just don't see them enough. Sometimes i don't even see the people mentioned above that much, but when i do its like everything is ok and the same and its not weird.
I don't know where i am going with this, i guess this is just me writing down my collision with reality.
Its not even a collision, its a slow realization, which i guess is better than being bitchslapped by the truth.
There is so much else wrong with other people, so many other things that are far worse than my observation, so don't take this as mean complaining or asking for forgiveness or pleading for sympathy, because it isn't, its my written account of something i just fully grasped a half an hour ago.
Anyway, i go to D.C. Thursday after school with some of the other Young Dems (Me, Brette, Jourdan, Sarah, Crow, Seth, Carter, Michael, Liz B, Dank, sister of Dank, and Jessie). We get to stay there for four days, FOR FREE, SUCKAS!
That’s right, everything is already paid for, so this should make for a fun and interesting weekend.
I think i am going to stop now, i write in this journal so much, and its all nothing. Its yoke pouring from my cracked eggshell head. Its drivel. Its trash, but its me.
Goodnight.
I'd said what i'd said that i'd tell yah
And that you've killed the better part of me
If you could just milk it for everything
I've said what i said
And you know what i mean
But i still can't focus on anything
We kiss on the mouth
But still cough down our sleeves
Travelling, swallowing dramamine