update

[_pinktellephone]

so i havent been on here in like months so i thought i would update since i am so stressed i just cryed. so im going out with david right now...perfict match hu? seeing is how he is my best friend and all. i wish it was all perfict...all this week i have just been stressed about this relationship it is that bad...i want to go cry about it...again. so everything was perfict...well not so perfict...like we had our little arguments and all but we got over them fast. so he is completely honest with me...because as long as he tells me i wont flip out about something...even though i wouldnt flip out because i love him so much...well anywho...so earlier this week er last week i dunno i dont remember...so i was talking to david online and he said he felt like an ass whole...so me being inquizitive asked why...(wrong thing to ask) so he wouldnt tell me for a little while then we were just talking and he said "what would you say if i told you i like someone" so i said "ask who" then david said "and?" so i said "i dunno" so then i started freaking out a little but we were talking online so i was like wooh...so i was working on a project at the time...so later he said "i think i might like someone" (i feaked out so bad there)and i said okay then he said "it doesnt bother you?" and i said "it does, you could tell if we were talking on the phone but i dont want to show it now" so he said something like thought so, yeah i dont remember what i said but then he said "i might like a freshmen, but i love you." (like that helped at all...common your perfict boyfriend that you love so much just told you that he likes a girl that isnt you...nothing can make you feel better after that) so after that i left it alone for a while...well when i was talking to him. so the next day david comes up to me with a bottle full of a darkish kind of liquid in his hand that he is drinking so im like okay its probably just a coke or something...haha it wasnt! i give him a kiss and i could smell the alcahol on him...likt thats smart drinking when your at school...so he told me that it was rum mixed with tea...so i was like okay he told me so no big deal...welli could also smell cigarrets on him...(oh yeah he quit smoking for me) so i was like were you smoking...he said no so i was like okay. then adam comes up to me and david and is like "do you guys want to go out to lunch today?" so of course we said yes so then adam was like "do you want to come with me to move my car?" david had to go put that alcahol shit in his locker but i went with adam because i had to get away from david because of the whole thing about that freshmen and all. well when i go with adam i guess he could tell that something was wrong...well i ended up telling him the whole story about talking to david and finding out about that freshmen chick...wrong thing to do! adam was so sweet and saying stuff like "i dunno why he would like a freshmen chick when he has you...(some words here dont remember them though)you are one of the prittyest girls ive seen" and "if you need a rebound guy im here and i have a car and i can drive..." so i was like okay...we go back inside and adam goes up to david and starts talking about why david would like a freshmen when he has me. well david storms off because i told adam (what? i didnt want to cry if i would have kept it to myself i would have been crying at school!) so then i go to my first period...did yoga and then went to spanish well in spanish i was telling the story to kat er rebecca er someone durring our 'break' and i was standing back on my heals (bad move once again) and i broke a heal! grrrr i hated that! so i go to math after that class and durring my 'break' in there david is at lunch so i was like hmm ill go talk to him and find out if he is still mad at me...well he said he was 'kinda' mad at me but then he said (dum dum dum) "im sopose to break up with you tomorrow" (well tomorrow was yesterday and that day was our one month anaversery type shit...i know uber korny but still) i almost started crying and i was ready to run back to my class when he said "but i wouldnt do that" whew huge relief! but i was still nervis about it. so the next day (which was yesterday)we went out for chinease with adam because we have a two hour lunch on thursdays...so afterwards we came back and hung out some and kissed some and yeah...so after i was still uber nervis...even after school so i went up to the road with vickie and kat so they could smoke (i didnt smoke) and i talked with them for a while...then i went ova to cc's to finish a project but no one cares bout that so...today i was at lunch and really upset still about that freshmen girl (i feel like i did something wrong or like she has something that i dont or whatever) so i was with david and a bunch of people and this girl sam...well sam came up to me and said "i need to talk to you" so i was like okay so i go over there and she tells me to break up with david because he is planning on breaking up with me next friday...holly crap...i freaked out! i yelled at andrew and was a total bitch to people...it was about time because i have been so good all year and i just exploded! then a bug was in my hair and i freeked out yeah yeah girlie shit. so anyways i end up getting dragged down a hill by my feet and getting a huge grass stain all over my ass! so i go to self defence and we i was talking to mary-kate because we had some free time er something and i didnt want to tell her what was wrong so she just gave me a hug and i was so close to crying (like tears in my eyes about to fall out) so i let go and looked up and fanned my face (girlie way to stop crying)...and i know the exact thing that made me cry...i am so worried that he never meant it when he told me he loved me everyday and when we were talking about years from now and getting married and shit (i know again korny but it started as a joke last year when someone told us that we were gonna get married) and i told him things that i truely meant and if it was all just an act then i was compleatly stupid for all of that. i had to do my kicking test so i took out alot of anger and resendment and upsetness on that...so yeah. (skipping a period where nothing happened). so i get home and i was sopose to go shopping tonight (yeah i didnt really want to but hey shopping is shopping) and my mom wanted to see my grades before we went...well im failing math which made her blow up so now im not going shopping and this week has sucked major ass.

sorry if you read all that i was just venting so yeah you didnt have to.