(no subject)
On another note, though:
"haha, nah, you're good. we can overcome the bullshit."
'i just feel like giving you a really big hug. i'm not angry at you anymore. i know you weren't yourself. it just made me feel really disposable.'
"i'd love to give you that hug and prove to you you're not disposible"
I feel used and discarded and completely undesirable, but it's good to know that at least some don't see me the way I view myself right now.
I am strong. I know this. I know, I know, I know. And I'll be fine. I feel fine. Good, even, although melancholic. Reminds me of a quote from Six Feet Under .. "If you ever think you can truly know someone, then you're mistaken." Especially in such a short time span. Why didn't I think..? Life will be better without someone like him in it, unfortunately. I can't tolerate liars, cowards, and fakes, lest alone all in one confused package. But I am still sad. Really sad. More for what could have been. Nothing good came from this at all. Nothing except deceit, really. Always lurking beneath the surface, and I feel nauseous again just thinking about it. I am better than this. I dont even know that for sure, anymore, though. I am a fool.
I wish I could go back to that day and erase the part where I sent him a message over that website. I would erase him. One fell swoop, and all these fresh memories are gone.
It wasn't worth it. He wasn't, at least ..
I am sick of this exact situation over and over. I'm tired of never being enough. I'm starting to believe it myself.
"haha, nah, you're good. we can overcome the bullshit."
'i just feel like giving you a really big hug. i'm not angry at you anymore. i know you weren't yourself. it just made me feel really disposable.'
"i'd love to give you that hug and prove to you you're not disposible"
I feel used and discarded and completely undesirable, but it's good to know that at least some don't see me the way I view myself right now.
I am strong. I know this. I know, I know, I know. And I'll be fine. I feel fine. Good, even, although melancholic. Reminds me of a quote from Six Feet Under .. "If you ever think you can truly know someone, then you're mistaken." Especially in such a short time span. Why didn't I think..? Life will be better without someone like him in it, unfortunately. I can't tolerate liars, cowards, and fakes, lest alone all in one confused package. But I am still sad. Really sad. More for what could have been. Nothing good came from this at all. Nothing except deceit, really. Always lurking beneath the surface, and I feel nauseous again just thinking about it. I am better than this. I dont even know that for sure, anymore, though. I am a fool.
I wish I could go back to that day and erase the part where I sent him a message over that website. I would erase him. One fell swoop, and all these fresh memories are gone.
It wasn't worth it. He wasn't, at least ..
I am sick of this exact situation over and over. I'm tired of never being enough. I'm starting to believe it myself.