Forgive me
I am so bored because I'm in the office for no apparent reason, and so I'm forced to participate in this, Kevin's presumably fake survey.
First Layer: Getting to Know You
What was the last thing you ate? Popcorn, because it is Popcorn Wednesday. Normally the TV critic makes it, but he's in Los Angeles for the press tour right now.
What kind of car do you drive? A 2002 VW Jetta, dark blue.
What's your favourite movie? n/a
What's your favourite food? I don't have very many favorites of anything, but my mother's spaghetti alla vongole is the most consistently satisfying thing in my life.
Have you ever withheld the truth from someone to spare their feelings? Obviously.
What countries other than your own have you visited? Iceland, Canada, Germany, Austria, Switzerland.
Have you ever killed a drifter so you could get an erection? No.
Second Layer: Family
Are you close to your family? Yes.
Are your parents still married? Yes. And strangely so are the parents of most of my friends and every single person with whom I've ever had a serious relationship.
Have siblings? Yes, two brothers.
Pets? Yes, two dogs and a cat.
Has anyone close to you ever died? No one but grandparents.
Did they die because you killed them? I don't think so.
Did they have it coming? No.
Third Layer: Your Love Life
Have you ever kissed a boy? Yes.
How about a girl? Yes.
Have you ever gone all the way? Yes.
With a boy? Yes.
With a girl? Yes.
With your dog? No.
More than once? With my dog? No.
Today? With my dog? No.
Not even when no one is home? No.
You're lying, aren't you? No.
Fourth Layer: Ever...
Had a crush on someone? Um, no. Yes.
Had a crush on someone who didn't like you back? Yes.
Write them a love letter? Yes, although not this millennium, thank God.
Take a lock of their hair? No.
Keep a picture of them under your pillow? No.
Look up their address in the phone book? Yes.
Driven past their house 27 times in the night, while they unsuspectingly and peacefully slept in their bed? No.
Showed up at their workplace drunk in their silken jammies, proclaiming your undying love for them? Close enough.
Been rejected? Yes, but not yet this year!
Vowed to keep loving them anyway from afar? No.
Found afar got too much to handle and got anear? No.
Had a restraining order filed against you? No.
Been arrested? No.
Been in jail? No.
Gotten a crush on your cell mate? No.
Been rejected by your cell mate? No. But that would happen to me.
Killed a prison hack to show your cell mate how much you love them? No.
Lied in court? No.
Been found not guilty by reason of insanity? No.
Been released into the world with hardened resolve to love and not get caught? Yes!
Layer Six: DO YOU...... x2
Play a sport? My first work softball game is Sunday!
Play a musical instrument? No, but I have vague plans to become Kim Deal, and also I'm in a band with Andrea and Liza.
Like to cook? Yes!
Know how to drive a stick? No, but I will soon.
Say what's on your mind? Um, I've been told, yes.
Say what's on your mind while driving your stick? I could.
Run red lights? No.
Chase down people who piss you off in traffic? Not recently.
Quietly follow them to find out where they live? No.
Return later in the day to visit your revenge on them for giving you the finger? No.
Collect something? No.
Fingers? No.
Keep trophies from your victims? No.
Do you...?
Have a lot of distant friends, or a few close ones? Both!
Have gatherings with them often? Tonight is Lost and Alias night at Sara's!
Find that one friend in particuar is always "the life of the party"? No, I am usually too drunk to recognize anyone but myself.
Resent him/her bitterly for it? No.
Act impulsively or do you plan things meticulously? Impulse, always.
Have a plan to seduce the wife/husband of the "life of the party" friend and then accidentally-but-really-on-purpose get caught doing him/her on the couch in their front room when they come home from a hard day's work? Not recently.
Find yourself gripped with fits of uncontrolable laughter when your plans come together? Like a "mwahhahahhaha" kind of thing? No.
Layer Five: Pick One
pb&j / corned beef on rye Nothing on rye, ever, ever, EVER!
crusts/ no crusts No crusts
coke/ pepsi Diet Coke with lime or Lime
cd/ mp3 CD
mac/ pc PC
xxx/ cinemax Cinemax
18 and anal/ killer beef curtains Definitely 18 and Anal
roast beef/ hot beef injection Former
mc donald’s/ burger king Former
pool/ hot tub Pool
golden shower/ regular shower Latter
dogs/ cats Dogs
Missionary position/ "the servant's entrance" Former
murder/ suicide Former
razor blade/ bowie knife Former
wrists/ neck Wrists
the "right" way/the pussy way Um, the right way?
First Layer: Getting to Know You
What was the last thing you ate? Popcorn, because it is Popcorn Wednesday. Normally the TV critic makes it, but he's in Los Angeles for the press tour right now.
What kind of car do you drive? A 2002 VW Jetta, dark blue.
What's your favourite movie? n/a
What's your favourite food? I don't have very many favorites of anything, but my mother's spaghetti alla vongole is the most consistently satisfying thing in my life.
Have you ever withheld the truth from someone to spare their feelings? Obviously.
What countries other than your own have you visited? Iceland, Canada, Germany, Austria, Switzerland.
Have you ever killed a drifter so you could get an erection? No.
Second Layer: Family
Are you close to your family? Yes.
Are your parents still married? Yes. And strangely so are the parents of most of my friends and every single person with whom I've ever had a serious relationship.
Have siblings? Yes, two brothers.
Pets? Yes, two dogs and a cat.
Has anyone close to you ever died? No one but grandparents.
Did they die because you killed them? I don't think so.
Did they have it coming? No.
Third Layer: Your Love Life
Have you ever kissed a boy? Yes.
How about a girl? Yes.
Have you ever gone all the way? Yes.
With a boy? Yes.
With a girl? Yes.
With your dog? No.
More than once? With my dog? No.
Today? With my dog? No.
Not even when no one is home? No.
You're lying, aren't you? No.
Fourth Layer: Ever...
Had a crush on someone? Um, no. Yes.
Had a crush on someone who didn't like you back? Yes.
Write them a love letter? Yes, although not this millennium, thank God.
Take a lock of their hair? No.
Keep a picture of them under your pillow? No.
Look up their address in the phone book? Yes.
Driven past their house 27 times in the night, while they unsuspectingly and peacefully slept in their bed? No.
Showed up at their workplace drunk in their silken jammies, proclaiming your undying love for them? Close enough.
Been rejected? Yes, but not yet this year!
Vowed to keep loving them anyway from afar? No.
Found afar got too much to handle and got anear? No.
Had a restraining order filed against you? No.
Been arrested? No.
Been in jail? No.
Gotten a crush on your cell mate? No.
Been rejected by your cell mate? No. But that would happen to me.
Killed a prison hack to show your cell mate how much you love them? No.
Lied in court? No.
Been found not guilty by reason of insanity? No.
Been released into the world with hardened resolve to love and not get caught? Yes!
Layer Six: DO YOU...... x2
Play a sport? My first work softball game is Sunday!
Play a musical instrument? No, but I have vague plans to become Kim Deal, and also I'm in a band with Andrea and Liza.
Like to cook? Yes!
Know how to drive a stick? No, but I will soon.
Say what's on your mind? Um, I've been told, yes.
Say what's on your mind while driving your stick? I could.
Run red lights? No.
Chase down people who piss you off in traffic? Not recently.
Quietly follow them to find out where they live? No.
Return later in the day to visit your revenge on them for giving you the finger? No.
Collect something? No.
Fingers? No.
Keep trophies from your victims? No.
Do you...?
Have a lot of distant friends, or a few close ones? Both!
Have gatherings with them often? Tonight is Lost and Alias night at Sara's!
Find that one friend in particuar is always "the life of the party"? No, I am usually too drunk to recognize anyone but myself.
Resent him/her bitterly for it? No.
Act impulsively or do you plan things meticulously? Impulse, always.
Have a plan to seduce the wife/husband of the "life of the party" friend and then accidentally-but-really-on-purpose get caught doing him/her on the couch in their front room when they come home from a hard day's work? Not recently.
Find yourself gripped with fits of uncontrolable laughter when your plans come together? Like a "mwahhahahhaha" kind of thing? No.
Layer Five: Pick One
pb&j / corned beef on rye Nothing on rye, ever, ever, EVER!
crusts/ no crusts No crusts
coke/ pepsi Diet Coke with lime or Lime
cd/ mp3 CD
mac/ pc PC
xxx/ cinemax Cinemax
18 and anal/ killer beef curtains Definitely 18 and Anal
roast beef/ hot beef injection Former
mc donald’s/ burger king Former
pool/ hot tub Pool
golden shower/ regular shower Latter
dogs/ cats Dogs
Missionary position/ "the servant's entrance" Former
murder/ suicide Former
razor blade/ bowie knife Former
wrists/ neck Wrists
the "right" way/the pussy way Um, the right way?