release
so0o0o
i havent written in this forever
I feel as though life is slipping through my fingers with every breath
i havent been enjoying it as much as i should be
it seems as though everyday has become routine for me
the only semblance of excitement and joy for me is becky
i hardly take the time now to just slow down and think and appreciate
this came very clear to me the past couple of days
when the leaves started to change for fall
standing in the arboretum in total awe of it all
we talked about evolution and science today in genetics
becky and i had a talk about this yesterday which was kinda weird
my stance on it all is that God created evolution
simply that
then again its not so simple
microevolution of speciation through the context of 6 billion years is not simple at all
the logic is that the omniscient and omnipotent God created these "random" mutations and speciations
in an order which created humans
this is not at all a stretch in the science of religion
science is not out to prove that evolution is correct and that religion is wrong
on the contrary science is trying to disprove evolution through experiments
and have found that there is no disproving of evolution thus can be considered theory
since the bible wasnt written by God himself but by men approximately 300 years after Jesus' death
I think there are some embellishments in it
The bible is up for interpretation because the main and important teachings of Jesus are in there but you
have to read between the lines
In the context of evolution I believe that when God created man in 6 or 7 days
that the statement that by 6-7 days it is really 6 billion years of evolution
is certainly not a stretch
in all I believe God created evolution
and even still evolution is not a belief (in a scientific sense)
we can ONLY accept or reject evolution
we can still believe in religion because it is something we can believe in
I am tired of school
I am tired of life
I still find myself depressed
Self reflections, I believe, are one of my greatest abilities.
The more and more I look at myself
the more and more I feel disgusted, disappointed, and overall hate it
I have been given so many oppurtunities and blessings
yet I do so much shit to fuck it up
why
because im retarded
I need focus
I need becky
vanessa was telling me about certain focus excersices
i havent tried them out yet
i dont know why
fucking non-focus
non-being
non-right
non-everything
i find it good that like even with vanessa and any of my ex girlfriends
they seem to be sub par when compared to becky
any girl seems beneath her
call it loyalty
call it faith
i just think its further proof of how much i love her
man, a year and 5 months
fuck my parents for moving to california
fuck my decision to going to indiana
fuck life
fuck my friends
i got so mad when they made a joke about becky
i seriously got fucking pissed at JP for making a joke about her
ive never been as mad at him or any of them
i mean it wasnt really a joke
just kinda saying that he and becky were going out
but coming from him and making a joke that included becky
really pissed me off
and then for them to say that i blew it out of proportion
is utter bullshit
i knew they wouldnt understand
how could they
they havent loved anyone like i love becky
ozie kept the stance that he never did anything
just to kiss ass and be safe
becoming jane was such a good movie
anne hathaway's face sorta reminds me of becky's face
just the color of it
jane austen led such an exciting life
so tragic
she lived a life that was remembered
will i live a life that will be remembered through the eons
will my name be echoed in the halls of time
i think not
ill just be another obscure whisper that will be dissapated by the passing of the ages
i am mediocre
i am insignificant
i am nothing
Nothingness
we discussed daoism today in C&T
action through non-action
i think its just the popular philosophy of college students everwhere along with existentialism
"just leave me be... i am being"
or in the case of daoism
"i am just non-being..."
hell i probably am a daoist or existentialism through my life's practice
I think this is enough rambling
a good release
p.s.
becky if you are reading this
dont think im an angry person
this is my release of anger and thoughts
and
I love you.
i havent written in this forever
I feel as though life is slipping through my fingers with every breath
i havent been enjoying it as much as i should be
it seems as though everyday has become routine for me
the only semblance of excitement and joy for me is becky
i hardly take the time now to just slow down and think and appreciate
this came very clear to me the past couple of days
when the leaves started to change for fall
standing in the arboretum in total awe of it all
we talked about evolution and science today in genetics
becky and i had a talk about this yesterday which was kinda weird
my stance on it all is that God created evolution
simply that
then again its not so simple
microevolution of speciation through the context of 6 billion years is not simple at all
the logic is that the omniscient and omnipotent God created these "random" mutations and speciations
in an order which created humans
this is not at all a stretch in the science of religion
science is not out to prove that evolution is correct and that religion is wrong
on the contrary science is trying to disprove evolution through experiments
and have found that there is no disproving of evolution thus can be considered theory
since the bible wasnt written by God himself but by men approximately 300 years after Jesus' death
I think there are some embellishments in it
The bible is up for interpretation because the main and important teachings of Jesus are in there but you
have to read between the lines
In the context of evolution I believe that when God created man in 6 or 7 days
that the statement that by 6-7 days it is really 6 billion years of evolution
is certainly not a stretch
in all I believe God created evolution
and even still evolution is not a belief (in a scientific sense)
we can ONLY accept or reject evolution
we can still believe in religion because it is something we can believe in
I am tired of school
I am tired of life
I still find myself depressed
Self reflections, I believe, are one of my greatest abilities.
The more and more I look at myself
the more and more I feel disgusted, disappointed, and overall hate it
I have been given so many oppurtunities and blessings
yet I do so much shit to fuck it up
why
because im retarded
I need focus
I need becky
vanessa was telling me about certain focus excersices
i havent tried them out yet
i dont know why
fucking non-focus
non-being
non-right
non-everything
i find it good that like even with vanessa and any of my ex girlfriends
they seem to be sub par when compared to becky
any girl seems beneath her
call it loyalty
call it faith
i just think its further proof of how much i love her
man, a year and 5 months
fuck my parents for moving to california
fuck my decision to going to indiana
fuck life
fuck my friends
i got so mad when they made a joke about becky
i seriously got fucking pissed at JP for making a joke about her
ive never been as mad at him or any of them
i mean it wasnt really a joke
just kinda saying that he and becky were going out
but coming from him and making a joke that included becky
really pissed me off
and then for them to say that i blew it out of proportion
is utter bullshit
i knew they wouldnt understand
how could they
they havent loved anyone like i love becky
ozie kept the stance that he never did anything
just to kiss ass and be safe
becoming jane was such a good movie
anne hathaway's face sorta reminds me of becky's face
just the color of it
jane austen led such an exciting life
so tragic
she lived a life that was remembered
will i live a life that will be remembered through the eons
will my name be echoed in the halls of time
i think not
ill just be another obscure whisper that will be dissapated by the passing of the ages
i am mediocre
i am insignificant
i am nothing
Nothingness
we discussed daoism today in C&T
action through non-action
i think its just the popular philosophy of college students everwhere along with existentialism
"just leave me be... i am being"
or in the case of daoism
"i am just non-being..."
hell i probably am a daoist or existentialism through my life's practice
I think this is enough rambling
a good release
p.s.
becky if you are reading this
dont think im an angry person
this is my release of anger and thoughts
and
I love you.