(no subject)
i don't really know what to write about in this journal anymore. when i was depressed and angry, there was this compulsion to spill it all out, quickly, like a flood. i thought that maybe if i could get it all out on paper, feelings could transfer, and i would be void of such unhappiness. it never worked, but i kept trying.
or maybe i felt like if i wrote long enough, someone would find something profound enough to say that would somehow save me. how foolish. honestly, to see the letters, even to hear the syllables uttered, an apology, a praise chorus, nothing in that manner could ever be sufficient.
it's silly, i was so hopeless and yet i hoped. but i hoped for the unattainable, the unrealistic. and it never came along. but you know what? that's okay. because i think that all of the suffering, all of the tears and the cuts and the begging for it to all be different has made me stronger. and much more appreciative.
and all is good, my friends.
<3
or maybe i felt like if i wrote long enough, someone would find something profound enough to say that would somehow save me. how foolish. honestly, to see the letters, even to hear the syllables uttered, an apology, a praise chorus, nothing in that manner could ever be sufficient.
it's silly, i was so hopeless and yet i hoped. but i hoped for the unattainable, the unrealistic. and it never came along. but you know what? that's okay. because i think that all of the suffering, all of the tears and the cuts and the begging for it to all be different has made me stronger. and much more appreciative.
and all is good, my friends.
<3