(no subject)
i feel the weight of the things ive done.
ive held love as an object and sent it hurrling down a few flights of stairs.
ive felt your heat beat as we made love.
i held you in my gaze and thought about love.
we were to children to young to say these words.
but we did anyway.
and i cant see my insides or i would see my blackend lungs and my heart scarred over more then once.
i remeber when i woke you.
when i told you.
such words that i can only swallow now.
i feel such a constant state of change.
its hard to acknowlege the mistakes you have made for they have set you from one path to another.
and its hard to get back to where you were.
and you can never say where you are going.
have a clear image of the future or it could turn out to be anything.
hold on to the ones you love.
hold on to memmories.
they make you who you are.
i cant take back all the subtle diffrences.
my body is aging.
i wish i had this mantality back then
but it will all be returned someday.
my innocence is lost.
and i have been trying so fucking hard to find it.
i left it to many years ago now
in the house i no longer live in.
so i asked the residence if i could take a peak.
but they just kept on staring at me.
i thought about every kiss.
not just with you.
i thought about how i love.
but whom do i love.
it all gets lost in a mess of details.
i thought more about my conciouss state of being.
then about how i could not spell.
but it was ok.
for a scripted verse ends soft.
soft.
such a word. that would describe you.
i miss you.
i miss the feelings we shared. t
they were more then pure. they filled me up with energy.
that energy was desrtoyed but used to manifest something else.
now its spread out to thin to ever truly get back.
and ever since that day, i have been trying to catch up.
but each corner i turn i get a little more lost.
my eyes have given up sight.
i cant depend on my senses they only keep me in this world.
i prayed to god everytime i thought i was going to die
i asked to stay here for a little longer.
he kept his promise but i never did.
i kept round and round waiting to be found.
but when i looked in the mirror those were not my eyes.
when i looked in the mirror all i saw was some skin.
what defines skin.
what defines anything.
mere words?
i dont know.
what i do know is that i know nothing of the universe.
i know nothing.
i forget all intellect because it is subject to define me.
i had no use for words but i used them.
i hate that lonesome feeling.
i follows me where ever i go.
and i dont want just a lover.
but it is you.
but i dont know you.
and we had long both past are peak.
the climax was to early
it already happend.
its just a downword spiral.
to that of my death bed.
but even death didnt scare me.
cause i was eternal in every sense.
my soul is what keeps me safe.
god is what keeps me safe.
i grew up in a church of eyes that said what i should and shouldnt do.
they did not understand god for they thought in such matieriel terms.
i once wished that i could draw for disney.
i once wished that i could be a doctor.
i once wished that i could see space.
i can do all these things but i dont really want to anymore.
my anbition changed before i had time to make anything of it.
i love my best friend.
i have been wandering around this town for some reason
wisheing i didnt have to grow up.
every does.
i have many lifetimes over.
but i cant help but feel connected to this
this life.
which i want.
which i dont want
im to indiffrent to say the least.
chris died and he would of turned 19 yesterday.
i thought about how we would talk about getting really fucked up once we left.
he did and he payed his life for it.
we both had bad hearts.
i remeber when we went to the doctor and i used the phone to call back home.
i lost my level for it.
we grew up to fast.
the world is growing up to fast.
we need time to think and to breath.
to be present.
but we are always to busy planning the future or trying to recreate the past.
and its just that.
a word
that defined all my insides.
i cant see them
but i can see you
your much better then you used to be.
but still you cant fill up that empytiness
but nither can i
but what i am trying to say is that we once felt full of life love.
we bordered on lust but found it only to fleeting.
i love for the sake of love.
though that love is not always returned i will keep giving till my eye lids close.
i wont be conscoiuss of this life.
but i probly will.
but i will seem that of just a blink.
and a daydream thought,
i miss you dear.
ive held love as an object and sent it hurrling down a few flights of stairs.
ive felt your heat beat as we made love.
i held you in my gaze and thought about love.
we were to children to young to say these words.
but we did anyway.
and i cant see my insides or i would see my blackend lungs and my heart scarred over more then once.
i remeber when i woke you.
when i told you.
such words that i can only swallow now.
i feel such a constant state of change.
its hard to acknowlege the mistakes you have made for they have set you from one path to another.
and its hard to get back to where you were.
and you can never say where you are going.
have a clear image of the future or it could turn out to be anything.
hold on to the ones you love.
hold on to memmories.
they make you who you are.
i cant take back all the subtle diffrences.
my body is aging.
i wish i had this mantality back then
but it will all be returned someday.
my innocence is lost.
and i have been trying so fucking hard to find it.
i left it to many years ago now
in the house i no longer live in.
so i asked the residence if i could take a peak.
but they just kept on staring at me.
i thought about every kiss.
not just with you.
i thought about how i love.
but whom do i love.
it all gets lost in a mess of details.
i thought more about my conciouss state of being.
then about how i could not spell.
but it was ok.
for a scripted verse ends soft.
soft.
such a word. that would describe you.
i miss you.
i miss the feelings we shared. t
they were more then pure. they filled me up with energy.
that energy was desrtoyed but used to manifest something else.
now its spread out to thin to ever truly get back.
and ever since that day, i have been trying to catch up.
but each corner i turn i get a little more lost.
my eyes have given up sight.
i cant depend on my senses they only keep me in this world.
i prayed to god everytime i thought i was going to die
i asked to stay here for a little longer.
he kept his promise but i never did.
i kept round and round waiting to be found.
but when i looked in the mirror those were not my eyes.
when i looked in the mirror all i saw was some skin.
what defines skin.
what defines anything.
mere words?
i dont know.
what i do know is that i know nothing of the universe.
i know nothing.
i forget all intellect because it is subject to define me.
i had no use for words but i used them.
i hate that lonesome feeling.
i follows me where ever i go.
and i dont want just a lover.
but it is you.
but i dont know you.
and we had long both past are peak.
the climax was to early
it already happend.
its just a downword spiral.
to that of my death bed.
but even death didnt scare me.
cause i was eternal in every sense.
my soul is what keeps me safe.
god is what keeps me safe.
i grew up in a church of eyes that said what i should and shouldnt do.
they did not understand god for they thought in such matieriel terms.
i once wished that i could draw for disney.
i once wished that i could be a doctor.
i once wished that i could see space.
i can do all these things but i dont really want to anymore.
my anbition changed before i had time to make anything of it.
i love my best friend.
i have been wandering around this town for some reason
wisheing i didnt have to grow up.
every does.
i have many lifetimes over.
but i cant help but feel connected to this
this life.
which i want.
which i dont want
im to indiffrent to say the least.
chris died and he would of turned 19 yesterday.
i thought about how we would talk about getting really fucked up once we left.
he did and he payed his life for it.
we both had bad hearts.
i remeber when we went to the doctor and i used the phone to call back home.
i lost my level for it.
we grew up to fast.
the world is growing up to fast.
we need time to think and to breath.
to be present.
but we are always to busy planning the future or trying to recreate the past.
and its just that.
a word
that defined all my insides.
i cant see them
but i can see you
your much better then you used to be.
but still you cant fill up that empytiness
but nither can i
but what i am trying to say is that we once felt full of life love.
we bordered on lust but found it only to fleeting.
i love for the sake of love.
though that love is not always returned i will keep giving till my eye lids close.
i wont be conscoiuss of this life.
but i probly will.
but i will seem that of just a blink.
and a daydream thought,
i miss you dear.