because it is conducive to my education:

[_peapod]

if spike lee had written the 'aeneid' or,
a blaxploitation guide to virgil.

aeneas: yo, dido, you is a hot piece of ass, woman.
dido: what you say, boy?!
aeneas: uh...nuttin'.
dido: hmm. hey, tell me what been happenin' wit' you.
aeneas: fo' sho', bitch. *spillz da beanz*
dido: damn, you a fine specimen of manhood!

interea (meanwhile)...

juno: i hate that guy, aeneas! i'm gonna whup his pussy ass!
venus: me too! i mean...i am?
storm: *flash bang fo' shizzle boom diggy*
dido & aeneas: ♥! *hump hump*

later...

carthaginians: that is some fucked up shit goin' down there!
trojans: *laeti*
iarbas: this ain't fair! i want me a piece of that ass!
jupiter: AENEAS'?!
iarbas: fo' shizzle. i mean, no! dido's. help a brother?
jupiter: sho' thing, mutha fuckah.

and so...

mercury: yo, aeneas, get yo' pansy ass to italy now, ho!
aeneas: okay. right on, bredren, we goin' to italy.
trojans: *laeti*
rumour: hey, dido, your man been playin' yo' ass.
dido: what the..? yo, big A, you leavin' me, dog?
aeneas: uh...yah.
dido: you fuckin' pussy! what, i'm just a piece of ass to you?!
aeneas: uh...yah.
dido: i'm gonna fuck yo' shit up!!
aeneas: chill it, bitch.
dido: *froths at mouth*

consequently...

aeneas: fuck this. let's bust outta here, yo.
trojans: *laeti*
dido: i hate you!!
aeneas: *flees*
dido: you gonna burn, boy! oh, wait - that's me.
anna: i'll help you!
dido: *kills self*
anna: my grief is disproportionate to my role in this. fo' shizzle.

therefore...

dido: *dead*
trojans: *laeti*
iarbas: bummer.

the end. fo' sho'.