(merry) christmas
it feels so wrong to be toddling along all insecure on a christmas day, but here i am. christmas hadn't exactly been shaping up to be a great and joyous affair for my family anyway, so i guess this was more or less expected. today, the parentals and marcus and marilyn are out together celebrating while mervyn and i are at home. i woke up at one. no idea if they tried to wake me up or not; i sleep like the dead.
it's funny how i bemoan christmas being a family event, and then i sit here angsting when it's not.
they'll be back after dinner, when most of the day has passed. what am i supposed to be doing from now to then? i feel like i'm tearing up, but that's silly because i don't even feel much about the entire situation. maybe it's because it's all a conditioning that i'm supposed to be feeling something, and so i do. how ridiculous..
i don't want to stay at home, but there's nowhere to head out for. i wish lived next to the sea.
and yvonne? i'm not angry at you, and you haven't done anything vaguely wrong. i hope i haven't been doing anything to make you think so. merry christmas.