april 16
A little after seven at a gas station just outside of Claremont, ET drops two. As we wind our way northeast, she starts to feel it. It seems to manifest in a feeling of confusion, or at least mistrust, because she begins to constantly question our direction down the rutted dirt roads. When we finally arrive, the suburban crew is getting well into it and I can feel mine start to kick in as we begin the mile and a half half-blind trek.
__________________
Curled up and intertwined, laying side by side with an actual couple, I feel his hands on my back and nestle closer against him, partially because of cold but mostly because I love the feeling of his body pressed against mine. It is utterly strange and also inexplicable- we act as if we are together, and for (almost) all intensive purposes, we are together for the moment. We are taking care of each other, warming and comforting and just simply being close. In the desert, during this trip, removed from civilization, we can be together and forget that in a matter of hours we will be back where even holding hands in public could be bad news. With every kiss on the cheek or the top of the head, I feel my heart alternately melt and break; It feels so good to be so close to him, to feel that he cares and wants to keep me warm and safe, but I know that in the morning he will go back to her and this will be just a memory for at least the next half a year.
“I need you here with me- not way over in a bucket seat” but today is not our time. Soon, perhaps, but not today.
__________________
Curled up and intertwined, laying side by side with an actual couple, I feel his hands on my back and nestle closer against him, partially because of cold but mostly because I love the feeling of his body pressed against mine. It is utterly strange and also inexplicable- we act as if we are together, and for (almost) all intensive purposes, we are together for the moment. We are taking care of each other, warming and comforting and just simply being close. In the desert, during this trip, removed from civilization, we can be together and forget that in a matter of hours we will be back where even holding hands in public could be bad news. With every kiss on the cheek or the top of the head, I feel my heart alternately melt and break; It feels so good to be so close to him, to feel that he cares and wants to keep me warm and safe, but I know that in the morning he will go back to her and this will be just a memory for at least the next half a year.
“I need you here with me- not way over in a bucket seat” but today is not our time. Soon, perhaps, but not today.