i hurt myself today, just to see if i could feel
hey guys. been busy. hows it going? i miss you. i forgot all about lj for some reason. sorry! i either no longer care about those that update, or the ones i do, never update. thats a bit broad... but it fits.
anyhows... had one hell of a summer, best yet. first holiday with lee was a huge success. i want to marry him a bit more everyday. reading festival produced a love for a band i never imagined id care for, nine inch nails. id write more about everything but there was a real reason i came here, the same everytime, to unload.
so temping got tedious. i still dont have a permanent job but i'm going back to college (HURRAH!) to do my counselling stuff. at last i hear you say! yesss, finally built up some courage to brave it, and its all made more worthwhile when the interviewer says "jackie, your application stands on its own." i appear to have found my calling. i want to relate to people.
life has been great in september. my sister left last week, to go to uni, and the house has kinda fallen apart. my dads developed a slight drinking problem, which actually started way before september... but i never noticed. my mum seems to have disconnected herself from everything, i dont really know why, i think shes going through a mid-life crisis. i advised her to get another tattoo. my best friend liz is leaving, in november. its all been drama drama for her lately. she had an abortion a couple of months ago, and isnt dealing too well. shes cutting herself and i caught her doing cocaine again in the toilets of a club. her husband was away, though hes back now so maybe things will pick up?
me and lee have an an emotional few months. i told him some real deep secrets of mine. i figured since ben was half blackmailing me and threatening to tell lee certain things (God knows what) i thought i might tell him myself. ive never really hid anything from him, just old wounds hurt when they are reopened, and i didnt wanna open that can of worms. but i felt better for it afterwards. i told him about my eating. i told him about cory, every bitter detail. i told him about what makes me drink. i told him about the good charlotte song and why i'm sad when i hear it. lee inspired me to get the lyrics tattooed somewhere, which i will do after i get my phoenix.
ive started this whole fitness regime. its really great actually, its helping with my confidence, which sinks to a new low everytime i get a knock back. after i run for half an hour, i feel fresh and liberated. like ive got this invisible air of optimism around me, i love it!
hope you're all ok? write sometime.
anyhows... had one hell of a summer, best yet. first holiday with lee was a huge success. i want to marry him a bit more everyday. reading festival produced a love for a band i never imagined id care for, nine inch nails. id write more about everything but there was a real reason i came here, the same everytime, to unload.
so temping got tedious. i still dont have a permanent job but i'm going back to college (HURRAH!) to do my counselling stuff. at last i hear you say! yesss, finally built up some courage to brave it, and its all made more worthwhile when the interviewer says "jackie, your application stands on its own." i appear to have found my calling. i want to relate to people.
life has been great in september. my sister left last week, to go to uni, and the house has kinda fallen apart. my dads developed a slight drinking problem, which actually started way before september... but i never noticed. my mum seems to have disconnected herself from everything, i dont really know why, i think shes going through a mid-life crisis. i advised her to get another tattoo. my best friend liz is leaving, in november. its all been drama drama for her lately. she had an abortion a couple of months ago, and isnt dealing too well. shes cutting herself and i caught her doing cocaine again in the toilets of a club. her husband was away, though hes back now so maybe things will pick up?
me and lee have an an emotional few months. i told him some real deep secrets of mine. i figured since ben was half blackmailing me and threatening to tell lee certain things (God knows what) i thought i might tell him myself. ive never really hid anything from him, just old wounds hurt when they are reopened, and i didnt wanna open that can of worms. but i felt better for it afterwards. i told him about my eating. i told him about cory, every bitter detail. i told him about what makes me drink. i told him about the good charlotte song and why i'm sad when i hear it. lee inspired me to get the lyrics tattooed somewhere, which i will do after i get my phoenix.
ive started this whole fitness regime. its really great actually, its helping with my confidence, which sinks to a new low everytime i get a knock back. after i run for half an hour, i feel fresh and liberated. like ive got this invisible air of optimism around me, i love it!
hope you're all ok? write sometime.