Late night or early morning? Either way.. im cold.
Long rambling.. dont read unless you're bored...
My hallway smells like Patrick and Katie's room,(inscents)it has for the past two nights and it's driving me CRAZY! It actually.. hurts. I miss Katie, and the weird things we did and said and thought. I miss how no matter what I said, no matter how stupid, she'd either laugh so hard or actually have a repsonse back. I miss that one night we got high, (even though I dont like getting high), we collasped on the stairs laughing so hard for like 15 minutes and to this day, we still dont know why. Friendships come and go, just got to live with it.
Another thing.. Patrick.oh jeez. I would never go back out with him, but it was a learning expeirence, everything in our relationship happened for a reason.I hated the night when Katie begged Ian and I to buy her beer adn bring it to her house, Pat and I were on a break, well.. I said we broke up but he wouldnt allow it, so we went on break. I tried so hard to not go to their house to bring them alcohol, how weird would it be being there at Pats house with Ian? It was horrible. I remember sitting in Katies room, on her bed, Ian at my legs, pat by my head, Andrew in the corner watching my every move. Ian was being all touchy and trying to make Pat mad I guess.. pat kept whispering in my ear how he was sorry and he loved me and didnt want to lose me, wouldnt give up.. I got so frustrated I walked out, and who followed to see if I was ok? Ian. Not Patrick. I was so pissed at Ian, me and that boy fought so much and I didnt put up with his shit no matter what you think. I told him off a lot. We were on the back porch, and I was telling him we really needed to leave, I had to drive his car cause he was drunk.. and hes like no im having fun and i reached into his pocket to get his keys and of couse, drunk Ian is an ass, hes abusive verbally and physically, so when I did that, he grabs my arm and twists it and then tries to kiss me. Im like wtf, no. Push him back and walk upstairs his drunk ass follows me and before I get to the stairs pulls me back, kisses me and pulls me onto his lap. at that point, I was so upset and just wanting to leave so bad and Andrew comes downstairs and starts bitching at me about being on Ians lap. Everytnings still so fresh in my mind, I cant believe how horrible I was to Patrick towards the end of our relationship, no wonder why he wont talk to me and calls me a bitch all the time. So much more happened that night and it hurts me to think about it but i cant help it. Ian never hit me, but he did hurt me, small things, like my arm or something and I didnt take his shit, Id fight back, which is something Id never done before, I was honest with him and told him off all the time, I was really...assetive with him which was good, and I surprised myself a lot, im so passive and he couldve had sex with me so easily if I was the same as I used to be. The night at BCB I dont even know what we were fighting about but Katelyn got involved and he threw a chair and walked out, I walk out there cause he has my phone and no ones around and hes yelling at me about Katelyn and so freakin' close to hitting me or something, I dont even know, but I grabbed his arm and shot it down and started to yell at him and he had the most shocked look on his face ever, that was the first time Id ever talken back to him or anything and I realized I could, so thats how the relationship was from then on.
I really dont know the point of this entry, i think i just needed to see it written out since all these thoughts have been stuck in my head for awhile. If you actually read all of this, i love you.
My hallway smells like Patrick and Katie's room,(inscents)it has for the past two nights and it's driving me CRAZY! It actually.. hurts. I miss Katie, and the weird things we did and said and thought. I miss how no matter what I said, no matter how stupid, she'd either laugh so hard or actually have a repsonse back. I miss that one night we got high, (even though I dont like getting high), we collasped on the stairs laughing so hard for like 15 minutes and to this day, we still dont know why. Friendships come and go, just got to live with it.
Another thing.. Patrick.oh jeez. I would never go back out with him, but it was a learning expeirence, everything in our relationship happened for a reason.I hated the night when Katie begged Ian and I to buy her beer adn bring it to her house, Pat and I were on a break, well.. I said we broke up but he wouldnt allow it, so we went on break. I tried so hard to not go to their house to bring them alcohol, how weird would it be being there at Pats house with Ian? It was horrible. I remember sitting in Katies room, on her bed, Ian at my legs, pat by my head, Andrew in the corner watching my every move. Ian was being all touchy and trying to make Pat mad I guess.. pat kept whispering in my ear how he was sorry and he loved me and didnt want to lose me, wouldnt give up.. I got so frustrated I walked out, and who followed to see if I was ok? Ian. Not Patrick. I was so pissed at Ian, me and that boy fought so much and I didnt put up with his shit no matter what you think. I told him off a lot. We were on the back porch, and I was telling him we really needed to leave, I had to drive his car cause he was drunk.. and hes like no im having fun and i reached into his pocket to get his keys and of couse, drunk Ian is an ass, hes abusive verbally and physically, so when I did that, he grabs my arm and twists it and then tries to kiss me. Im like wtf, no. Push him back and walk upstairs his drunk ass follows me and before I get to the stairs pulls me back, kisses me and pulls me onto his lap. at that point, I was so upset and just wanting to leave so bad and Andrew comes downstairs and starts bitching at me about being on Ians lap. Everytnings still so fresh in my mind, I cant believe how horrible I was to Patrick towards the end of our relationship, no wonder why he wont talk to me and calls me a bitch all the time. So much more happened that night and it hurts me to think about it but i cant help it. Ian never hit me, but he did hurt me, small things, like my arm or something and I didnt take his shit, Id fight back, which is something Id never done before, I was honest with him and told him off all the time, I was really...assetive with him which was good, and I surprised myself a lot, im so passive and he couldve had sex with me so easily if I was the same as I used to be. The night at BCB I dont even know what we were fighting about but Katelyn got involved and he threw a chair and walked out, I walk out there cause he has my phone and no ones around and hes yelling at me about Katelyn and so freakin' close to hitting me or something, I dont even know, but I grabbed his arm and shot it down and started to yell at him and he had the most shocked look on his face ever, that was the first time Id ever talken back to him or anything and I realized I could, so thats how the relationship was from then on.
I really dont know the point of this entry, i think i just needed to see it written out since all these thoughts have been stuck in my head for awhile. If you actually read all of this, i love you.