(no subject)
I just edited my userinfo and realized someone deleted me. So I went to their journal and was really upset... surprised... It was a huge clusterfuck of emotions and I didn't know what to do. I seriously sat here slack-jawed. Just stunned. And I wrote a lot down. And deleted it. And nothing felt good enough... I didn't know if I should be upset, or angry, or happy or depressed... So here goes.
I don't even think you care how badly it hurt me for you to dissapear out of my life. You ignored me for.. almost 6 months. The day I give birth to my daughter you send me a simple text message telling me congratulations, or whatever... I can't even remember, but I know I deleted it. I was hopped up on drugs and pissed as hell. You never called me. You never tried, until you found out I was having a party. Then, what? I'm good enough for you?
I seriously have spent so much time upset over the way you left my life. I wish things had been different. I really wish you were still my best friend. Besides my husband, you were my best friend that I've ever had in my life. We've had our ups and downs. We've had fights, brawls, blow-outs. But just like Ryan and I, for some reason we could never stay away from each other. I really loved you more than I've ever loved anyone out of my family. You were there for me constantly, always by my side. One of the only people who has ever stood up for me. Defended me. Made me feel like I was worth a damn.
So when I needed you the most, and you weren't there... it crushed me. I turned to anger and childishness, because it was too framiliar. I've been burned by so many people. You of all people knew that. And it fucking stung when I called you and you would just ignore it. Or you were too busy, but I'd know you were hanging out with other people... too busy for me, but no one else. It hurt.
So here it is. I apologize. For being childish. For being stupid. For letting you walk out of my life so easily, when these days I still think about how much I miss you.
And for the record, that entry was not about you. It's about a guy you and I know, who emailed me asking if he could be back in my life. And I said no, and he kept trying anyway.
I don't expect anything from you. I don't expect a phone call, an email, a text. Hell I don't even know if you know my phone number anymore. I just want you to know how I feel and wish you the best of luck in your life. I really hope everything works out for you. And most of all, I hope you're happy. You deserve it. But don't get it twisted - so do I.
I don't even think you care how badly it hurt me for you to dissapear out of my life. You ignored me for.. almost 6 months. The day I give birth to my daughter you send me a simple text message telling me congratulations, or whatever... I can't even remember, but I know I deleted it. I was hopped up on drugs and pissed as hell. You never called me. You never tried, until you found out I was having a party. Then, what? I'm good enough for you?
I seriously have spent so much time upset over the way you left my life. I wish things had been different. I really wish you were still my best friend. Besides my husband, you were my best friend that I've ever had in my life. We've had our ups and downs. We've had fights, brawls, blow-outs. But just like Ryan and I, for some reason we could never stay away from each other. I really loved you more than I've ever loved anyone out of my family. You were there for me constantly, always by my side. One of the only people who has ever stood up for me. Defended me. Made me feel like I was worth a damn.
So when I needed you the most, and you weren't there... it crushed me. I turned to anger and childishness, because it was too framiliar. I've been burned by so many people. You of all people knew that. And it fucking stung when I called you and you would just ignore it. Or you were too busy, but I'd know you were hanging out with other people... too busy for me, but no one else. It hurt.
So here it is. I apologize. For being childish. For being stupid. For letting you walk out of my life so easily, when these days I still think about how much I miss you.
And for the record, that entry was not about you. It's about a guy you and I know, who emailed me asking if he could be back in my life. And I said no, and he kept trying anyway.
I don't expect anything from you. I don't expect a phone call, an email, a text. Hell I don't even know if you know my phone number anymore. I just want you to know how I feel and wish you the best of luck in your life. I really hope everything works out for you. And most of all, I hope you're happy. You deserve it. But don't get it twisted - so do I.