(no subject)
it's 4:20 and i'm not high nor am i drunk. i am, however, extremely fucked up. today i went against pretty much everyones advice and drove down to talk to her. she wasn't home. i waited an hour and she wasn't home. maybe that's a sign. i don't know anymore. but each day becomes worse than the previous. i feel really drained and everyone is noticing. usually im really good at keeping my emotions a secret from my family, but my parents are being really nice to me for once. except when my mom told me it was my fault that alex doesnt like me anymore. she didnt mean it in a mean way, but i got really defensive when she said that. probably because she's right. i miss her. i cant even hear her voice. shes really shutting me out and i dont know how to react. i am really lost.