Deal with god
Why it still haunts me, I couldn't say why I am constantly thrown off guard by forgotten memories that flashback like hot light at my temples: oh yes, snow flakes on my mittens. Or, that time Kelly went vegan. There is some evil part of me that longs for it like that would fix all the sour parts of my past I will always conveniently forget. That I want to forget: all of the feelings that weren't not angst. I have grown up angst now.
This association of slacking and it mattering is a new chemical worry. At least my standard is always excellence even if my person doesn't always meet it. I guess I had long since given up at that before. Probably after the first 2 or 3 months. It's alarming how time contracts and snaps like a rubber band. I feel like I've been alive for a hundred years, while 3 years ago and tomorrow seem equidistant. Cave paintings projected in laser. So, I guess I am.
Running up that hill.
This association of slacking and it mattering is a new chemical worry. At least my standard is always excellence even if my person doesn't always meet it. I guess I had long since given up at that before. Probably after the first 2 or 3 months. It's alarming how time contracts and snaps like a rubber band. I feel like I've been alive for a hundred years, while 3 years ago and tomorrow seem equidistant. Cave paintings projected in laser. So, I guess I am.
Running up that hill.