(no subject)
Okay, here are a breakdown of the more underground dances. You can
practice them at home in your room, show your sister, or show your
mother what a smart individual you have become. Make sure you have a
lot of clearence, you dont want to kick your little brother in the
head. How would you explain that to your parents? "Mom i gave little
Billy a spin-kick to the jaw!" Here it goes:
How To Hardcore Dance
Punching Air
So next time you're at a show and the best breakdown ever is coming up, make sure to show the band how much it means to you by punching the fuck out of the air. FUCK THAT AIR UP. People may ask you "What did the air do to you?", you just smile and continue beating the fuck out of the air. You're not stupid, you just hate air.
The Spin Kick
Alright, the band played their two first songs and they are taking a break. Now its your chance...walk right up to the pit (dont run because that would be gay) and throw a round house kick. Just kick that air. Make sure no one is in the way, because you dont to 'hurt' anyone.
Throwing Down Beatings For Fun
Are you one of those typical fat slobs that hit these hardcore shows because you're friends with someone that is good pals with the uncle of the bass player for terror? "HEY I KNOW THAT GUY!"...you know shit. "I'm going to hurt as many kids as I can in the pit!" You're a big man. Im scared. Shit Dick.
Iron Fists
Holy shit, this guy looks like he could really fuck me up. Look at the power! FUCK! I would never want to get hit by one of those. Anyways, this assclown put the 'X's on his hands because he is 'straight edge'...Because thats what hardcore kids do these days. "I'm 100% straight edge VEGAN". GOOD FOR YOU, I DONT GIVE A FLYING FUCK. It's bad enough you're telling me, now you have to go and write all over yourself.
The Two Step
This one is a classic. "Listen to the new Norma Jean album, its PURE two stepping!" What the fuck does this mean? How does this explain what the music sounds like? Next time im at the record store and some idiot tries to use one of these terms to describe a band's sound, I will beat the living shit out of em.
Slob Core
Are you sick of the same old exercises? Tired of spending all your cash on useless weight loss supplements? Well, I have a solution for you! If you weigh over 400lbs and are interested in weight loss, look no further. What you need is an Atreyu ticket and lots of floor space. Oh, don’t wear a gray shirt. You don’t want to look like a slob.
Picking up Pennies
Broke? Why get a real job? Its time to bend down and pick up all those imaginary pennies off the floor. Once you have collected an appropriate amount, you can go home and show mommy and daddy what a good boy you have been. “Mom, Dad, come quick. I’m a fucking idiot!”
The Karate Chop
"Mom, mom, I want to learn karate!" Why? So you can go to the next As I Lay Dying show and chop air? How about if I give you a fucking karate chop to the balls? This kid looks like the typical 'scenester' you would find at these shows dancing like a fool. I dont get it...In my day the SCENE was your local scene. LOCAL BANDS. now the SCENE is fucking hardcore? How does that work? Its like INDIE bands not being INDIE by winning 2 grammys?
Impressing The Girls
"Hey, want to go on a date?"...This guy is showing off his moves to the best looking girl at these cock infested shows. Just look at his face! He is getting laid tonight forsure. Pinky out! Charming.
The Lion March
Before you start kicking the imperceptible ninja's asses, you need to pace around like you need to deplete your lizard. What you need to accomplish this move is 10 glasses of water and a 'The Bled' CD. Knock back that water as fast as you can. Once you are done, wait until you have to piss. When it starts to sting, start pacing around. Do this until you’re about to soil yourself. Once you start to piss, start throwing your arms around like a dipfuck. Do this for the whole CD. By the time the CD is done, the 'accident' you had earlier should be dried up. You can go see From Autumn to Ashes tonight without having to change pants!! But make sure to repeat the process.
The Wind Mill
Is your air conditioner busted? If so, what you need is an Underoath CD. Put on this CD and start throwing your arms around like a fucking idiot. Do this until your space is nice and chilly. It might take a while, so make sure you set the CD on repeat. But pace yourself, you don’t want all the blood in your body to dash all the way down to your fists of fury.
How To Hardcore Dance
Punching Air
So next time you're at a show and the best breakdown ever is coming up, make sure to show the band how much it means to you by punching the fuck out of the air. FUCK THAT AIR UP. People may ask you "What did the air do to you?", you just smile and continue beating the fuck out of the air. You're not stupid, you just hate air.
The Spin Kick
Alright, the band played their two first songs and they are taking a break. Now its your chance...walk right up to the pit (dont run because that would be gay) and throw a round house kick. Just kick that air. Make sure no one is in the way, because you dont to 'hurt' anyone.
Throwing Down Beatings For Fun
Are you one of those typical fat slobs that hit these hardcore shows because you're friends with someone that is good pals with the uncle of the bass player for terror? "HEY I KNOW THAT GUY!"...you know shit. "I'm going to hurt as many kids as I can in the pit!" You're a big man. Im scared. Shit Dick.
Iron Fists
Holy shit, this guy looks like he could really fuck me up. Look at the power! FUCK! I would never want to get hit by one of those. Anyways, this assclown put the 'X's on his hands because he is 'straight edge'...Because thats what hardcore kids do these days. "I'm 100% straight edge VEGAN". GOOD FOR YOU, I DONT GIVE A FLYING FUCK. It's bad enough you're telling me, now you have to go and write all over yourself.
The Two Step
This one is a classic. "Listen to the new Norma Jean album, its PURE two stepping!" What the fuck does this mean? How does this explain what the music sounds like? Next time im at the record store and some idiot tries to use one of these terms to describe a band's sound, I will beat the living shit out of em.
Slob Core
Are you sick of the same old exercises? Tired of spending all your cash on useless weight loss supplements? Well, I have a solution for you! If you weigh over 400lbs and are interested in weight loss, look no further. What you need is an Atreyu ticket and lots of floor space. Oh, don’t wear a gray shirt. You don’t want to look like a slob.
Picking up Pennies
Broke? Why get a real job? Its time to bend down and pick up all those imaginary pennies off the floor. Once you have collected an appropriate amount, you can go home and show mommy and daddy what a good boy you have been. “Mom, Dad, come quick. I’m a fucking idiot!”
The Karate Chop
"Mom, mom, I want to learn karate!" Why? So you can go to the next As I Lay Dying show and chop air? How about if I give you a fucking karate chop to the balls? This kid looks like the typical 'scenester' you would find at these shows dancing like a fool. I dont get it...In my day the SCENE was your local scene. LOCAL BANDS. now the SCENE is fucking hardcore? How does that work? Its like INDIE bands not being INDIE by winning 2 grammys?
Impressing The Girls
"Hey, want to go on a date?"...This guy is showing off his moves to the best looking girl at these cock infested shows. Just look at his face! He is getting laid tonight forsure. Pinky out! Charming.
The Lion March
Before you start kicking the imperceptible ninja's asses, you need to pace around like you need to deplete your lizard. What you need to accomplish this move is 10 glasses of water and a 'The Bled' CD. Knock back that water as fast as you can. Once you are done, wait until you have to piss. When it starts to sting, start pacing around. Do this until you’re about to soil yourself. Once you start to piss, start throwing your arms around like a dipfuck. Do this for the whole CD. By the time the CD is done, the 'accident' you had earlier should be dried up. You can go see From Autumn to Ashes tonight without having to change pants!! But make sure to repeat the process.
The Wind Mill
Is your air conditioner busted? If so, what you need is an Underoath CD. Put on this CD and start throwing your arms around like a fucking idiot. Do this until your space is nice and chilly. It might take a while, so make sure you set the CD on repeat. But pace yourself, you don’t want all the blood in your body to dash all the way down to your fists of fury.