there is way to much shit going on
my audition is on the 26th for nyu and i'm not even ready. i already know i'm not gonna get in so i guess it doesn't make a difference. i have to sing 3 songs and memorize 2 monlogues. i am never going to be able to do it. i'm having a heart attack because i am supposed to sing at a funeral today this morning and i have no clothes to wear because i am to fat and my mom shrunk my work pants so now i am screwed. i dont't want to go at all. i can't handle anything lately. i am such a wreck i told bryan last night that i needed to talk to him. he has no idea that i am a friggen nut case and have problems.i'm begining to hide again and i don't want to do that. i have to take my jewlery off andf my hoodie now at rehersel because ms.dewey thinks i hide behind it. i am gonna die without my hoodie. i don't even feel comfortable with my hoodie on.i don't know what i am gonna do. last night after drivers ed i was so upset and when my mom said one word to me i freaked out. i couldn't take it and she tried to make me eat mcdonalds. i freaked out and told her no and she was like what's wrong with you. and all kinds of crap so now on friday i have to go to the doctor's be cause i have been having really bad anxiety attacks everyday and i think they are going to chang emy meds or put me on more depression meds.errrrrrrrrrr i'm gonna kill someone. now my mom is making me wear a shirt that i am too fat to weaer. i'm just gonna hide in my room forever i away from the world. i cannot stand what i have become. how did i be come this? what the hell is wrong with me?