longing.

[_oh_my_marilyn]

hmm i dont know, lately i just dont feel so right, or like myself would be more accurate. I forgot what it was like to laugh, and smile for no reason, and that sounds so trite for people who are "depressed" and i guess i wouldnt say im depressed, not quite yet i dont think its considered a sickness at this point but it feels close. Im just having a really hard time with things.
I still really cant accept jackies death, and i see people around me and they seem to be moving on just fine, but i cant. i miss her so much and it hurts so much without her here. It makes me think about how amazing time is, its so crazy how time is the center of everything in the world, like how in time my heart will mend back to place, and how 4 months ago jeh was here and living. I cant understand it i just want to go back in time, and hug her and tell her how much i really did love her and appreciate our friendship, but i know i cant, i just hope she knows. I want to find peace, i want to find happiness. And i just want dan back in my life. I thought this whole us enjoying being young thing would be okay but the truth is, i need his love in my life right now more than ever.
i miss everything. I just want this to pass.
and i guess in time it will but how long. I want things to be back to the way they were before the world around me seemed to crash down.

please help me find peace.